MisUnderstood9 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Been awhile since I've been online here. But, today I need advice. My fiancé and I have a mutual friend (we'll call him Steve) who we've been friends since we were in the 10th grade. He is the nicest guy in the world. Would drop everything he is doing to come help if we need it. If my fiancé is away for work he stops over everyday to say Hi and see if I need help with anything. The issue is not with him. The issue is with his girlfriend (we'll call her Cassie). They have been together 3 years now. For the most part we just tolerate her and just keep our mouths shut but, lately we are both having a very very very difficult time keeping our opinions to ourselves. Steve is genuinely an extremely nice person and Cassie... well Cassie is a very entitled snob, everything has to be her way and she is always right. If you argue with her about she just walks away and then yells at Steve until he finally leave. Everything is "Steve do this, do that. We have to go here. We have to leave... Steve, Steve, Steve". CONSTANTLY! He can't do anything without her 100% attached to him 24/7! She has quit every job she gets after less the 2 months! He pays for everything and she is constantly b**ching at him about money. We can tell he's getting fed up with it and we are too to be completely honest. We used to go on trips together with Steve and his old g/f Sam all the time and we always had a blast. Now, its constant complaining the entire time we go do anything - "Steve its to hot." "Steve I'm thirst" "Steve I'm hungry" "Ugh how much more walking do we have to do" "this is so boring" It's so bad that our last 2 outings with them we have to cut short because my fiancé and I couldn't take it anymore. But, our final straw was last night. Steve has been sent back to trade school this year for an extra year due to new procedures he has to learn for his job. Well Cassie is not happy about it at all because Steve has to go 3 hours way for school and she can't go with him. He leaves on Sunday and will be back Friday. He was over giving us his list of things he'd like us to check up on at his place while he is away like he always does. Well Cassie didn't know this and FREAKS out - they don't live together nor does she has a key. Tells Steve that my fiancé and I have no right over her to be able to take care of his place and his dog while he is away and that she would do it or if she couldn't then he shouldn't go to school because it was pointless anyways and a bunch of other things that drove me to ask her to leave my house. Steven just looked at me and I told him that he is welcome back over after he brings her home but, I don't want her back here. He left and came back about 20mins later. He asked me why I asked Cassie to leave and I finally let everything out about how much I cannot stand her and the way he allows her to treat him. He looked a bit floored about how much I had kept in about her and my fiancé finally said his two cense about the situation also. Steve was kind in a "I don't know what to say" daze. We feel terrible but, he is one of our best friends and enough was enough. We never told him to break up with her just told him how we felt about everything over the last 3 years. So, were in the wrong to do that? Where do we go from here.. do we just leave it. We said our piece and go back to just tolerating her? We do not want to loose Steve as a friend, its been 11 years of friendship and she or us have ruined that for my fiancé.... He and I will both be divested. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 It's up to Steve what he chooses....because you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube and it is clear that you guys can never double date again. Give him some space. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 What it all comes down to is that Steve is the one who is with her. Until the time comes that he is ready to get out of this nerve wrecking relationship (and it sounds to me like this time will come), there is not much to do for you but accept and respect his relationship with her. He knows how you feel now. The ball is more or less in his court. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I would expect to see less of him. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I would expect to see less of him. That's what we're afraid of. We feel terrible but, its one of those - we stay quite for so long we couldn't do it anymore. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 You keep saying "we". But you were the one who threw her out. Are you still babysitting his apartment and dog, or did he leave it to her? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I know she appears to be a poisoned pill but she is HIS poisoned pill. Ya know? I could have a friend for 1 billion years but if they threw my partner out that friend would be going. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 You keep saying "we". But you were the one who threw her out. Are you still babysitting his apartment and dog, or did he leave it to her? We're still looking after his apartment and his dog. He told us that he couldn't trust she'd remember to go to do what needed to be done or even go everyday and that's when she flew off the handle. We're just going to bring the dog to our house so he's not just sitting in the apartment alone over night and stuff. We'll only need to go over in the mornings to feed his dragon's and water plants. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 I know she appears to be a poisoned pill but she is HIS poisoned pill. Ya know? I could have a friend for 1 billion years but if they threw my partner out that friend would be going. The reason I threw her out was not because of things she was saying about him, it was when she started trying to make jabs at my fiancé and myself that I asked her to leave. I don't need to be disrespected in my own home all because she wanted to throw a tantrum because Steve asked us for the favour. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 The reason I threw her out was not because of things she was saying about him, it was when she started trying to make jabs at my fiancé and myself that I asked her to leave. I don't need to be disrespected in my own home all because she wanted to throw a tantrum because Steve asked us for the favour. I understand ,but ,that was a decision you made to do . There are still consequences for decisions regardless if you were right or not. You chose to stand your ground and protect your own boundaries that doesn't mean though that it comes without a consequence. Your friend also has a right to choose what he will do regardless of whether you are friends or not. You chose a partner over a friend so expect him to do the same. No matter how long I've been friends with anybody my partner will still come before any friend no matter what .every .single .time without a doubt. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 I understand ,but ,that was a decision you made to do . There are still consequences for decisions regardless if you were right or not. You chose to stand your ground and protect your own boundaries that doesn't mean though that it comes without a consequence. Your friend also has a right to choose what he will do regardless of whether you are friends or not. You chose a partner over a friend so expect him to do the same. No matter how long I've been friends with anybody my partner will still come before any friend no matter what .every .single .time without a doubt. Oh I know its all his choice 100% get that. Every other time I would of just bit my tongue but, this time I just couldn't and I even asked her politely several times to stop and let it go and she wouldn't so last resort was to ask her to leave. Steve and my fiancé have been still texting every day since. Its their friendship I was most concerned about. If he wants to be mad at me he can I said most of it, and he has all rights to be mad. I probably should eventually apologizes to her for kicking her out of my house, whenever that may be. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 He doesn't trust her, she doesn't have a key after 3 years and he's got this school commitment thing. I would say the sun is setting on Ms Hissy Fit. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well if he's your fiancé's friend and they are still talking I wouldn't worry about it. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 He doesn't trust her, she doesn't have a key after 3 years and he's got this school commitment thing. I would say the sun is setting on Ms Hissy Fit. School runs for 10 weeks and hasn't even started yet. I could see it ending soon also, she ruined his families annual ski vacation last winter because she couldn't go and constantly called and texted and freaked out to the point he came home 3 days earlier. He can't do that for school, he could loose his job if he doesn't do the schooling. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 She won't last the 10 weeks. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well if he's your fiancé's friend and they are still talking I wouldn't worry about it. I have to go over there tonight because my fiancé has to work late so he can show me where the foods kept for dragons so I am thinking of apologizing to him n maybe her if she's there. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I have to go over there tonight because my fiancé has to work late so he can show me where the foods kept for dragons so I am thinking of apologizing to him n maybe her if she's there. Absolutely. Just remember even though you see her as a beast and most likely she is a beast that is not how most people view their partner no matter how beastly they are. My brother was with a beast like that for 20 years and whatever she said what no matter what it was was golden and no matter what we said didn't make darn bit of difference. And we were his blood family never mind a friend. Thankfully now though he's divorcing the piece of trash. But it is very very common for somebody to uphold their partner over a friend no matter how good that friend is. Link to comment
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