One word: Help :(

[Slain67]

Hello. Obviously, I came here cause I have a few problems.

 

First of all, I am 18 (will be 19 on February 12th) and I'm a very shy guy. As if being shy wasn't bad enough, I'm not exactly the best looking guy in the world and, even worse, I have difficulty being social with people. I don't know why, but I just can't understand people. For example, when I was a young child, I had trouble making friends, but now I somehow manage to make a few here and there. However, they usually don't last long because I never feel like writing them an e-mail or making a phone call just to say hi. It sounds like laziness, but I think I'm just socially challenged. I feel like everyone is connected together in a big web of relations and I'm the only one floating outside w/o any connections. I just don't feel like I fit in with everyone. Even foreigners who can't speak English seem like they would have a better chance of making friends in America then I could. I've tried going to a councilor to help me get over my shyness, but it didn't work and I quit after a few weeks.

 

Another problem of mine is that. I have never had a true g/f. Sure, there have been some girls that I've been lucky to be friends with but I don't have a lot of female friends. Anyway, ever since I've had feelings for girls, I've been shy, nervous, stupid, and all those crazy feelings near good-looking girls just like any other guy. However, the loneliness has been taking its toll on me the past few years. It seems that when not around a girl I get the spirit to go find and ask girls out and become inspired to do so, but when I come near one, I lose all of my courage. I don't know why, but I always feel different and it feels like any other guy would have a better chance getting with the girl than me. I basically have no confidence and when I try to gain some, it gets torn down when I am near a girl I have crush on. I have tried the "talk to ugly girls" or whatever solution, but it doesn't help. Beautiful girls just seem to intimidate me out of talking to them. And the "let love come to you" solution just makes things worse. Also, I worry and fear that I will never meet anyone everyday. I mean, everyone else seems to be in a relationship except me (even the really ugly people have something going). I don't want to grow old without someone that understands me and loves me back. I just don't believe in the "You don't need anyone's love to be happy." That's complete B.S. Love is what makes life special and fulfilling.

 

I could really use some help. Please post if you have anything.

[marolua]

We are born on the same day, and whenever my birthday comes closer I feel down and down may be that has also happened to you

I would very much like to help you, but I don't think I have the right answers for your questions, since the I have some unsoluble questions also.

Is there love, will we ever find it, I am not sure.

But things will change one day, we have to believe it...

[JoyieGracie]

The more oppertunities you give yourself the more cofidence u will have. And the only one that can help you is yourself. Believe me, I've tried helping people in person, but it's ultimatey weather they give themselves a chance to be helped, open, and more connected. Other people have or do feel like you do.

 

Random: My birthday's on Feb 12th too...except I'll be 18.

 

 

Good luck

 

As far as love,it will find you, but you can't go looking for it or it will never come. You haven't even lived half of your life yet buddy, spend it doing the things you like, or try something new. It's worth waiting for (love).

[Infamous.]

JoyieGracie makes a good point. Help will be available, but while discouraging yourself, progress will be difficult.

 

The solitude I can offer is that, very few people (of either sex) are as outgoing as they seem, especially at your (our) age. Yes, they can ask a girl on a date, and yes, they may feel better about themselves, but they do these things with knotted stomach and a lot of hoping. It is a difficult time - this is an age when people are still changing and growing - and to be completely secure in oneself requires a special and rare mentality.

 

Not being one of these people shouldn't deter you. Firstly, bare in mind that looks will still change over the next few years. What is needed is to accept yourself; I have so many friends that crave relationships, relationships which ultimately fail because they are attracted by the thought of somebody but build up such unrealistic views that perhaps they are disappointed. Not feeling the need with somebody, if you can become happier with yourself, will mean less anxiety around girls and a better image given as a whole.

 

How do you improve being social? In my opinion, the best first step to take is to think about what you enjoy. Computers? Reading? Church? You then can have a base for which to meet new people whom share similar interests as your own - a much easier person to become friends with Once you have discovered these people (they exist, I promise), then you have already taken the first step in the direction that you want. Bare in mind that you can enter this as quickly or slowly as you like, you're not expected to jump into a club and mosh with 200 people as the first step (or equivalent to your tastes).

 

My view on the worrying about staying lonely is that it's a common view which isn't helped by the people around you but is totally wrong. It may be hard to forsee a girl which could like you (everybody's been there), but once you find yourself and know your views, morals and ethics, as well as building the confidence in having people who you can relate to and trust around, then you may hopefully be able to work in a much more confident manner around these girls.

 

And Enotalone is a place which you can use to really help you achieve what you want. Be sure to not give up and ask for help as much as you feel you need to - maybe one day you'll be telling somebody your story in an attempt to help them.

 

I guess, just believe. Good luck, and happy birthday!

[elizmdavis]

If you could give yourself any birthday gift, give yourself a chance.

 

For starters, work on positive self-talk. I want you to know that you are worth any girls attention, can you find it within yourself to know that is true? I challenge you to do that.

 

It is noble of you to seek guidance, good job. Work on your self-happiness. You have a lot to offer, heck, everyone has thier own unique things to bring to the table, that is why this world is so unique itself!

 

In my opinion, there is waaay to much emphasis on what "beauty" and "perfection" is in our society, haven't you noticed that? I bet you have a lot of great qualities to offer any lucky friend, guy or girl. Look inside yourself and find those qualities that make you tick and hold onto them! You are worth every positive thing in this world and when the day comes that you finally know this, you will have the great gift of self-love.

 

"...my life, is better left to chance, I could have missed the pain,

but I'd have had to miss the Dance." - Garth Brooks

[arwen]

Hey slain67,

 

Not all people are 'socially oriented' in the same way. And there is nothing wrong with that, really. I hate to sound like a grandma and pretend I am that much older than you, but it might be comforting to know that when I was in my earlier twenties, and before that (around the time I graduated from high school and started university), I felt the same way.

 

In the last few years I have learned that I just am who I am. I like being by myself, and spend time alone. I like crawling up in my bed and read a book and listen to my favorite music and not being disturbed.

 

However, this feeling of 'isolation', or as you metaphorically put it, the feeling that everyone else seems to be in a web and you are on the outside, can make you really feel lonely. Rather than alone.

 

You say you are bothered by the fact that you never had a real girlfriend. At your age, it is really not a dramatic thing. The only thing important is that you want a girlfriend (for yourself, not for your image to the world, right?). So let me tell you, I met my first love at your age. My sister, who is only a year my junior, has not ever had a boyfriend. I know it bothers her, but she just doesn't meet guys that she likes 'in that way'.

 

I can imagine that if you think you are ugly, this makes you less confident when meeting members of the opposite sex. From your posting I can see that you have a beautiful personality, which always translates on the outside, although in a different way than our media tell us.

 

In the end, there really is no definition of beauty. Attraction is independent of any definition. I fall for guys that my best friends wouldn't even look at, and vice versa. And the cliche is true, in a relationship you need a person that loves all aspects of you, if she thinks you are a wonderfull person, she will probably like everything about you, even when you would have a pimple, she would find that cute.

 

At least, that is how it works for me. Once I fall for a guy (that happens very rarely), I find him cute in any respect .

 

The talk to ugly girls strategy? What is that? Just talk to a girl you can have a good conversation with. If you are shy, I think it might be wise for you to start a relationship by being friends first.

 

Hope it helped,

 

Ilse.