My gf says I am too attentive

[lorna herring]

I am in a six month long lesbian relationship. She is the mother of three, and lives with her kids and ex-husband. They have separate rooms, yet he has a lot of control over her, and makes the rules of the house. In the beginning, we shared a bed while I visited. Now, he says no, because our room is downstairs and too in view of the household. I dealt with that. However, she runs herself ragged for her kids.20-16-7. She never tells them no. Lately she has been trying to get her house in order and has not spent a lot of time with me. We live 30 mins from one another. Her job is driving her crazy, she is always extremely tired, and says she has no time for anything anymore. I finally told her fine. I will be here if she can see me. Did i do the right thing? I had been asking when i would see her again. That inly pissed her off. I need advise. Thank you.

[unhappygrl]

I think what you did is pretty much right, but i also think that

if you would ask her if there's anyway you could help take

some of the load off of her hands that would be better. She's

probably stressed out about a lot of things; so i think this is

the time that she would need your help and presense the

most to comfort her even if she thinks that she has no time

for you.

 

Hope that will help.

[nyl]

find someone that loves you and cares about you. She has too much baggage to worry about you and she wants it all. She wants to keep her ex husband for probably financial security, she wants her kids and she wants you. Greed. Find someone that put you first and everything else comes second.

[SwingFox]

Hi Lorna,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear from you that you're doing not so good in your relationship. I understand that you have worries in where you stand and that you have doubts.

 

Nyl replied by finding someone that puts you first. I would agree to that, although I my opinion own children should come first, no matter what. I agree that your girlfriend is putting a lot of stress on your relationship. From what I read from you, it bothers you big time. I don't say that love should be easy, but from what I understand, you are going through a VERY difficult relationship.

 

My advice is that you sit back and decide first what you exactly look for in your relationship with this woman and what your needs are. Then see how far your needs are being met and what you REALLY want to have changed. If this woman will be able to meet your needs, you might be able to go on in this. If not, wouldn't it be better if you find someone else that could make you happier, because after all: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy."

 

I wish you a happy future and hope that all works out well for you.

 

~ SwingFox ~