How do I get on with my life.....

[Blayzed4Life]

How do I get on with my life when I'm affraid everyone I get close to is going to hurt me?

 

I'm not trying to sound negative, I'm actually aiming to be more posative but it's just so hard. I use to be very depressed but I have atleast sort of gotten over that.

 

The only thing is I dont know how to start living my life when all that has happened to me up to this point has always been negative. I've been stabbed in the back by people so many times that it's just so hard to open up to people. I still cant even open up to my parents, they still have no clue who I am as a person. I grew up very neglected as a child so I always kept everything to myself. Now that I have finally got over my depression I really want to get to know my family but it just seems so hard to open up.

 

It's even worse with strangers because I always feel they have an agenda to hurt me after all I do is be nice to them and help them. I just have never felt comftorable around anyone except my best friend and thats only because we grew up togeather. But besides him everyone I ever got close to hurt me or manipulated me. I know it was kind of my fault because I never stuck up for myself and never got mad at them. I dont know I just cant seem to stand up for myself cause I'm always affraid they will over react and would make me feel even more depressed or worse.....

 

It's just so hard to move on with my life, In my 20 years of being alive I atleast came to realize that in order to love others you have to love yourself first. Still even loving myself I still feel pain. Even though knowing I will never talk about suicide again I still cant seem to move on with my life because I have been depressed since I was kid and have only recently started to accept myself. But I still cant seem to trust others yet. I'm affraid to get hurt by someone important again. I just want some good to come out of my life soon because I dont want to be some 60 year old man looking back on my life and regretting it =/.

 

Thanks to anyone who bothered listening to me, and an even bigger thanks to anyone who responds

[foreverlonely584]

Well, I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I have never been officially diagnosed with depression, but have always had a feeling. It kind of stems from previous relationships in my case, but also with the family as well.

 

I haven't always been a very sure person, only recently have I realized that there's no point in trying to hide myself from the rest of the world. If people don't like me or what I have to say, then they don't have to talk or be around me. I used to very shy and put up with a lot while I was in middle school. I'm kind of a bigger guy, so I always tried controlling my temper. One day I didn't and at that point people left me alone (meaning they didn't pick on me anymore). I'm not saying that you need to snap on people, but you don't have to put up with some of BS people might throw at you.

 

In regards to trusting people I can't give you any advice there, except that you're going to have to break out of your shell and give someone a chane. I have and yes I've been stabbed in the back, but I got over it. You have to find something to do that will take your mind off it for a while and then next thing you know, you've totally forgotten about it. For me, I just listen to some really heavy music. I guess, in both cases you'll just have to take a chance....there are some good people out there and it will take some time to become comfortable with them, but you will. I mean if I can, anybody can.

[kuroshiro]

To love you must love yourself...and to love yourself? Ah, sorries, getting to far into things, aren't I? If you want to move on, choose it. Simple, no? Well, yes, it is. All our lives are dictated by choice. From the moment you wake up to the wee hours in the night when you weigh doing homework to getting an extra dream all you do is make choices. Emotions are no different. You're the one that has control. You decide. You said yourself that you feel it was your fault for getting picked on so much. *shrugs* it's not a question of bravery, it was just a choice. No more fantastic than choosing what you would wear or what cereal you'd eat. Fear is a choice as well. Whether or not you decide to succumb to personal comfort depends on you. You just have to see your decisions as nothing life-changing. Cuz then that just intimidates. You want to move on? Choose it. Don't make it feel too big for you, reduce the impact it has and challenge yourself to keep walking. If you've lasted twenty years alone inside then you're strong enough to carry your own weight. Heheh, you beat me by two years, I'm envious. Others see that as some kind of deficiency, but I don't. I know that such things may make one weak in social areas, but it also makes you strong in others. If you're still sane, you've won the biggest battle that takes many others down. If you can still wake up in the morning and know that you want to keep going, nothing will stop you but yourself. So make your choice.

Anywho, I feel I've over talked again. Well, if you ever want/need to talk, just write to me, and don't worry, I'm so broken I don't think I could poke you with a stick let alone stab you in the back. But it's your choice, hope things work out for ya.