Why is this Girl a S!ut

[estevan_carlos]

I don't know if my "relationship" is a common one. I don't know if i should feel as foolish and ashamed as i am either.

 

I went on a several dates with a girl. A very aggressive girl. I am not an aggressive man. Things moved slowly, due to my cautiousness. After a while i knew it couldn't carry on like this if i'm so cautious. To make a long story short. Her and i spoke just recently and she voiced her stance on the relationship stating that she was not too physically attracted to me and she then also called herself a "s!ut" and told she was seeing other men.

 

In all honesty, i sort of knew that but didnt care. Now that the dust has settled i feel ashamed i went along with this as long as i did. I feel ashamed its the best ive been able to do in my five years in college. I feel ashamed she calls herself a s!ut and yet for some reason i was not able to sleep with her. I also just feel stupid for getting involved with a girl who clearly has her own set of issues. But I don't feel as though i dodged a bullet... i did like her.

 

I'm desperate to find the silver lining in this, and I have but in that desperation i do suspect i'm picking at straws.

 

It's an achingly bittersweet anticlimax now that i am moving from this city in a few months. Which is part of the reason she also did not want to become emotionally invested in me (combined with her seeing other men as well).

 

Idealistically, I can not stands girls like this but i'm desperate. Should i be? Am i as naive as my friends tell me?

[Hope75]

Your silver lining is that you had enough self respect not to sleep with this girl right away. Good for you! Sex should never feel rushed, and so what is she admits to being promiscuous? That is definitely not a reason to sleep with her!

 

The fact that this girl is so aggressive with you and yet tells you that she has little attraction to you and is also seeing other men proves that she has little respect for herself, and you are smart to move away from her.

 

Whatever her deal is, you do not have to be a part of it. You've been through five years of college and no girl has been worth it yet, when you meet the right one, I promise you, she will be worth your wait.

[Luscious]

Why are you desperate, and why are you rushing yourself to get in a relationship? When you find that person you will know so don't rush things. Look on the bright side, at least she told you what she was all about before you got in too deep!!

[Beec]

I don't see that you have anything to be ashamed of, in the least.

 

You might need to learn a few things about how to find a different woman, but you don't seem to want this one anyway. And you should prefer getting with someone you want to be with, than just getting someone to get laid by.

 

I know people who first time out of the box. The very time they lost their virginity, they got genital herpes. Plenty of reason right there to be cautious. But you can find more reasons.

[estevan_carlos]

well, sex is not entirely the issue (it's a minor issue).

 

It's also the fact that this represents a certain extent of my relationships as of recently and it ain't much brag about, and despite that, i'm still trying to see it with a casual fondness.

 

So while others have thier heartbreaking, sexual, and sordid stories, i've got my gentle little tryst with a girl who didn't seem to like very much in the first place... and i'm trying to convince myself that it's good enough for now.

[Hope75]

There is no rush for you to get serious with anyone. You are 22 years old, you've got the rest of your life to date and find someone.

 

My brother is 24 and has never had a girlfriend. He went to college for 5 years and is pretty happy with his life. He knows that when the time is right, he'll find her, or she'll find him. He's in no rush. (he's got 3 sisters and has seen what they've been through!)

 

You can choose how much you will let this bother you. Personally, I don't think this is a big deal. You are still quite young and have plenty of time.

 

I wouldn't be too much in a rush to get yourself a painful dramatic story like some of us here have. It's not fun!

 

The best thing you have for yourself is your motivation to succeed and your education, which no one can ever take from you. I am going back to school again at age 29 and I am very excited about that, and you should be proud for what are you accomplishing so far.

 

Deep breath and relax! I think you are doing very well for yourself and if you are so concerned about meeting women, may I suggest placing an ad on an internet personals site. I met a wonderful man online and there are so many opportunities to meet people there!

 

But please don't stress about this too much, plenty of time!

[Beec]

It seems to me you have two thigns going on in your head. One, the cautious side of you telling you not to be in arush, why you ended up where you did with her. And two, the part of your head telling you that you should be making some notches in you bed post, bagging some babes, getitng a little experience, having something to talk about, etc.

 

Nothing wrong with being cautious. So the first part is fine. She was not what you wanted.

 

With the second part, if you want to date more women, then develop the skills you need to date them. Anyone can develop the skills.

[estevan_carlos]

I wouldn't quite say i'm after the notches on my bedpost but you are close. I've finally gained a bit more experience in dating for which i'm pleased about. I would like to comment on the argument others have made about sitting back and waiting for it to happen...

 

I appreciate the comment, the idealism behind it, and the gesture. I do not believe it is a practical and real answer though, because such things as that are not written in stone. We know certain things are not for certain. So for anyone else who would like to respond, please, no more romantically hopeful "Your day will come" crap. Please.

[Beec]

So, you are getting experience dating, but are not ready to just jump any woman who is willing to lie down or bend over in front of you. I don't see the problem. Do you want to throw that caution in the trash and begin to bang anything that you have a chance to bang? I hope not.

 

Then you just need to keep dating more, adding to that experience and work on your skills. Dating is all a set of skills, such as: Making yourself more attractive; learning to read, recognize and interpret body language; conversational skills; meeting and mingling; sending and receiving body language signals; flirting; longer conversations; how to ask them out or otherwise get the to agree to a date; planning and managing a date; contact between dates; varying your dates; getting physical; and breaking it off. There may be more. Improve the weak part of your game. If you were playing a sport, you'd work on the things you did not do well. If you played basketball and could not score from the outside, you'd work on a shot. Work on your game and keep dating.

[estevan_carlos]

no, i am willing. its just not a priority.