How is this my fault?

[Dylan111]

I'm a teen, but I have this older friend, she's 22. We met online last year so we haven't known each other for that long yet. She tells me it is my fault for her "very bad" body image. I never talk about weight or working out around her. But last year when we met(online) she asked me what my weight was so I said "126 pounds" I'm also 5'7. She told me "I weigh 140 pounds and I am

5'0." Every time, we are hanging out she will bring up her weight and calories saying how it's "not fair" I weigh less than she does. I workout but never talk to her about it, she asks but I don't bring it up. She even asked me the other day, if I would go buy bigger sized clothes just to "make" her feel better about herself. I told her no and that I wouldn't waste my money on clothes that wouldn't be the right size. She started crying and called me an "inconsiderate jerk" my question is, how is this my fault? What would you do if your friend was saying all of this to you?

I know I have written about her on here before and the only reason I still hang out with her is because she doesn't have alot of friends(she told me).

[Moontiger]

She sounds like a drama queen who likes to blame I there's for her problems. You being friends with her out of guilt. Time to walk away.

[El0t]

She's incredibly insecure. She doesn't treat Yes, I understand like a friend; she treats you like a punching bag. Leave and let her be miserable on her own instead of dragging you down with her.

[agent1607307371]

the only reason I still hang out with her is because she doesn't have alot of friends(she told me).

 

There's a reason she doesn't have many friends. She's a mooch, she tries to mess up people's plans and then she makes people feel bad for her.

 

Seriously, drop her. You aren't responsible for her.

[ParisPaulette]

Ugh, I've had those "friends" and they aren't friends at all. They're using you to make themselves feel better about not taking responsibility for their own lives. If she is unhappy about her weight she needs to do something about. Tell her to stop projecting her issues on you then hang up on her next time.

 

And go get better friends. People like this one just suck the life right out of you in their cries of "make me feel better, so I don't have to do any work to do so for myself." Emotional vampire, run.

 

And it's not your responsibility to be friends with someone just because they keep driving other people off. Telling her straight up why she doesn't have many friends and why she's lost your friendship will, in the end, do her far, far, far more good than holding her hand, telling her "there there" letting her mistreat you and be nasty and think that this is something she can do and get a pass in life.

 

In all honesty, the doormat friend who indulges someone in their bad behavior is one of the most toxic since they make a person believe behaving badly is a right and something that will get them what they want. Not to mention, yeah she'll suck the life right out of you regardless. So speak up, lay it out to her straight, understand she's going to cry and blubber and wail about how mean you are. And it will break the friendship. But maybe somewhere along the way when she's feeling lonely and more than one person has told her to knock it off and stop verbally abusing the people she wants to call her friends and take some responsibility the message will sink in. And she'll do just that and come out the other end of it okay. But being an enabler? Nope, you're actually harming the girl by letting her carry on like that. I know it doesn't seem like you are and I know it lets you avoid the hard task of standing up for yourself and avoiding conflict, but that's a skill you need to start developing now and not later. Because the world is not kind to those who simply do the "there there" and let the bullies and emotional vampires of the world have their way.

 

Sorry. And yes, I know what I'm talking about, because I used to be like you and I let people like her glom on to me all the time. And none of them ever got better or treated me right until I stood up to them and laid it out clearly, calmly, and exactly why I was no longer going to be friends with them and they needed to stop the bad behaviors. And yes, I lost friends over it, but several of them did later thank me for being the one person who truly helped them.

[ThoughtProcesr]

You can try to help her but if she wont listen to your advice she will slowly drag you down with her. Don't believe that it is your fault.