I have made up my mind

[tengu]

Okay so I've slightly recovered from my crisis from last week. Mind you, I have never brought up the situation to my ex, so since I was in a good mood

I texted him today about a youtuber we both used to watch since they had just recently updated with some good news. (they haven't posted anything in a long while

and I was really happy about it, but my ex is the only person I know who knows of them.)

......really casual,and also threw in a generic "hope you are having a good day!"

 

he hasn't replied, and at this point I don't really expect him to, and despite annoyances and my impatience, I've decided that I'm going to wait things out till I get my license.

I still plan on trying to meet up , even if for the last time in a long time like I have said previously. Hoping for the best,but honestly not expecting much at this point.

 

if we meet up GREAT! we will either have casual conversation, or maybe clear the air and see whether we can even be friends or not. depending on which, I can get things off my chest.

if not (I'm pretty sure he is gonna decline meeting up.) Then I'm gonna email/message him something more straight to the point and possibly unfriend him from social networks.

I probably won't but I might have to at that point. or maybe he would even do it before me.

 

A part of me still holds on to the hope and feeling like things can always change and maybe it's just not the time for us right now.

Maybe one day we can reconnect and get back in touch either through reconciliation or just be friends. But I can't live my life depending on that.

My life and situation is kind of in a stand still, and it's hard moving on when I have nothing else going on for me. Essentially having to build my life

up from scratch. Which is why I'm putting this whole thing off till I get my license. I feel from that point I will be able to start putting my life into motion.

Also with going back to college, things can hopefully change for the better.

 

I can't help but feel a bit resentful though... I feel pretty screwed over. It's hard to forgive him, despite the fact that I still love him. It's also been really hard forgiving myself.

 

I'll be sure to update for anyone who cares. lmao

[El0t]

Whatever is going on here it's clear that he's moved on and you haven't. You might want to get with the program and quit dreaming about things that will never happen.