1 year anniversary of a loss

[Kah310392]

My one year anniversary is coming up of me losing a baby through ectopic I was 12 weeks gone. I'm struggling at the minute as I'm not with the partner anymore either. We talk sometimes but I don't know if he would appreciate me bringing it up or if he would even understand. I think I just need a pick me up as a family member of mine has just told me she is expecting twins too and I want to be happy for her but I'm also very envious because I lost my tube also and I just keep thinking she will have 3 children and I may struggle to even have 1 and obviously the break up hasn't helped how I'm feeling either. Think I just wanted to write this for a cent to get it out

[Seraphim]

I am so very sorry to hear about that. They say it can take several years if not longer to learn to live with a loss. Yes, seeing other people having babies can make one's heart feel overwrought and you can feel envious. It is natural.

 

Have you had any help with your loss?

[leseine7]

My one year anniversary is coming up of me losing a baby through ectopic I was 12 weeks gone. I'm struggling at the minute as I'm not with the partner anymore either. We talk sometimes but I don't know if he would appreciate me bringing it up or if he would even understand. I think I just need a pick me up as a family member of mine has just told me she is expecting twins too and I want to be happy for her but I'm also very envious because I lost my tube also and I just keep thinking she will have 3 children and I may struggle to even have 1 and obviously the break up hasn't helped how I'm feeling either. Think I just wanted to write this for a cent to get it out

 

Get through today the best you can. I am so sorry this has happened to you - grief is one of those things that tends to bring EVERYTHING up to the surface on certain anniversaries. I lost a big brother to me a few years ago and his birthday was just Tuesday, and I had all these flashbacks and memories that refused to quiet down the whole day. You must treat the emotions bubbling up as if they are just symptoms of your grief: acknowledge them, but give them no weight. Do surround yourself with people who can help you feel better. And in a day or two you will begin to feel better.

 

Try to avoid any thoughts or worries about if you'll have any more children, and avoid anyone who is pregnant right now via social media or any other means of expression. You can be excited for your pregnant family member next week or something. Right now, it's just about you and what feels better.

[Kah310392]

No I didn't have any help for my loss at the time it was all just a blur to me and I thought I could deal with it the more the time has gone on through the year the harder it has got for me, maybe I should speak about it and how it made me feel and how I feel now

[chickadeedee]

I am sorry, that is painful. But remember, nature gave you two fallopian tubes so you will have the opportunity to get pregnant whenever the one side is ovulating. And as long as you have your ovaries, you can always use artificial insemination if necessary which is very common these days. So this is a very common occurrence and you can and will go on to have a successful pregnancy when the time is right. Just try to keep that in perspective and don't make it harder on yourself by assuming you'll never have children just because you had an ectopic pregnancy.

[Kah310392]

I don't think I won't have children just hard that I'm 23 and I only have one tube, that one tube for me is like a golden egg to me right now! It doesn't help I have polycystic ovaries either. I'll get through it just having a bad few days

[Seraphim]

When you start getting to second trimester losses and above the issue becomes more complicated. While first trimester losses are way more common second and above are not. ( not to belittle those losses because they are a loss) Also by the second trimester you kind of made a physical connection with your baby. You look pregnant and people identify you as pregnant. And then losing a part of your reproductive system and a relationship compounds the factor. It makes layers of issues.

 

I think it would be great to speak with a grief counselor about it. You are not going to forget of course but you can come to much easier terms with it and find peace. ( I have had four miscarriages including a second trimester one and have come to peace with their passing)

 

On the issue of only having one fallopian tube absolutely you can become pregnant again. My aunt had a baby after having an ectopic pregnancy and losing a tube.