DarrenG1983 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Here's some tips from my blog. I've pulled most of them together from other sources and added a few of my own. Please let me know your thoughts. 1.NO CONTACT WHAT SO EVER Go cold turkey, that means no contact, never ever again. Throw everything away that reminds you of that person. Love letters, emails, delete all of your photos together, gifts they have brought for you, burn it all. 2. CHANGE YOUR DETAILS Change your phone number, email address to something new. This should help your mind understand you are having a fresh start. Most of all, delete your ing Facebook and give the password to someone you trust. 3. GET INSPIRED Find photos of people, places and quotes that inspire you. Where do you want to travel? What’s your next move now your single? What did you always want to do but you couldn’t when you were with them? The more you look and find these photos, it will take your mind of them, motivate you to be more like that person and to visit those places. 4. CRY LET IT OUT. Let it out, cry and don’t hold back. Crying is what happens when you need to release stress from the body, you are only human, embrace it and it will stop. 5. BURY YOUR MEMORIES . When I used to play poker, I was taught a trick on how to get over losing a very bad hand. It can be quiet dramatic losing money when you have the best hand. The trick is simple and it really works, here’s what you have to do. Close your eyes and imagine a chest, imagine every detail of that chest until you could perfectly describe it. Mine is a very old wooden chest with big metal locks a lot like a pirates treasure chest. Now think of every negative thought you have, and what you are doing is put all of those thoughts into the chest. They can be written down or on tapes if they are a visual memory, however best you want to imagine it. Conjure up everything until you have it all out. Next shut the chest and lock it up in your mind. Double lock it and seal it. What we are going to do next is bury that chest somewhere, somewhere deep and where you will never be able to find it again. Hopefully now when of of those negative thoughts next come into your head you can just think of the chest, locked up and buried deep far far away. 6. EXERCISE This is incredibly crucial to get recovery. You will have so much stress in your body you will need some way of relieving it apart from crying. Its important you leave the house and go to the gym. You wont be able to get motivated at home, and its good to get out. Get out there and take it all out of yourself until you can do no more. This helped me sleep during my first week and made me want to go back for more. It also really helps to have a gym buddy. 7. STOP TALKING ABOUT IT Every time you tell a friend you have to relive the nightmare again, I found it best to tell a couple good friends and instructed them to tell my other friends what had happened and not to talk about it. 8. GET OUT OF TOWN I moved 300 miles away from my ex, I left my job and my friends. You cant be in an environment where you can bump into this person or find out what they are doing, it will do you no good. 9. THIS IS A GOOD THING This will make you so much stronger as hard is it is to think. Use that negative energy to do all of the things you have wanted to do. 10. FAMILY & FRIENDS Use them, mine have been wonderful. I am very lucky, try not to vent on one person though, alternate. It will help getting their advice. Thanks for reading. Darren Link to comment
DarrenG1983 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Do you have any of your own? Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Here's some tips from my blog. 8. GET OUT OF TOWN I moved 300 miles away from my ex, I left my job and my friends. You cant be in an environment where you can bump into this person or find out what they are doing, it will do you no good. Darren The list isn't bad. Although everyone is different. Maybe don't move. Don't give someone else so much control over your life. When I discovered my bf was cheating (actually dated another girl for 6 months at work and is still with her now) he lived a mile down the street right behind the grocery store we both used to go to. For a while I avoided going, I looked around at every corner wondering if I'd see him, or his car... but it passed. And you know, in the last 5 months since we broke up I never ran into him once. I think he moved to another part of town like a month or two ago now, but I don't even know. Instead, maybe just go on a trip. I traveled to the other side of the country over Valentine's day with a friend. And I'm going to California now. Get some distance but don't give them all the control over your life. they are not worth that! YOU are worth more. Link to comment
DarrenG1983 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Thanks for your msg. These forums are really helping. It's nice to know people have been through the same experiences, but not actually nice if you know what I mean? I've already moved 300 miles away, but will be taking your advise on going on a trip. I think this is the only way for me getting over it properly. I live in a small city near london, where everyone knows everyone, so there wouldn't be much hiding! Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yes, it absolutely sucks and I don't wish it on anyone. I was doing pretty well until this weekend when an acquaintance asked me about him. When I told her I don't want to ruin my evening by discussing my past she continued to talk about it for 20 minutes, and proceeded to tell me I should be happy for him and wish him the best. He cheated on me and lied to me for 6 months...he is still dating he girl he cheated with. I do not wish him well, and I don't have to. I don't wish him anything. I believe Karma will do her thing eventually. But I am under no obligation to hope he is happy with her. The acquaintance not respecting my privacy (she really wasn't) and my wish to not bring this up at a party set me back some and that will happen on occasion. I understand the small town feel. I'm not in a small town but it sometimes feels like it when random people you meet know each other or someone you know. It is a small world indeed. Yes, travel. Take a trip. With a friend or alone. I went to Seattle with a friend. I'm traveling California all alone and I'm very excited. I think I will discover myself and the world in a new way by doing this Link to comment
DarrenG1983 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 I know exactly how you feel. I'm still at the stage though where I hope they are not happy together and it all goes wrong. Karma will hopefully take care of it. When are you going on your trip? I'm planning on travelling alone also! D Link to comment
melancholic_too Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Headed to California at the end of the month for a week. Missing Europe but it's not in the budget and I'm aching for traveling the west coast so this works. It does get easier every day Link to comment
DarrenG1983 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 So good to hear. I was at a friends house earlier and the thoughts just would not stop creeping in. I have to really shout at myself to make them stop sometimes(in my head). Link to comment
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