this is LONG, but a WEIRD one - any help very appreciated!!!

[twelve]

Firstly I wuld like to say that this place is really sweet.

I have come here for advice and read a ot of very helpful intelligent stuff on the forums, and I hope my advice has helped some people.

The world isn't a bad place

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I am having an issue with an extremely close friendship that i had for five years, that broke up a year ago.

I thought i was ok but I'm not.

 

 

 

I know this should be in friends area but this relationship was also a soulmate type musical connection, and was as close as a relationship bewteen a couple, without the physical.

ANYWAY

the girls boyfriend was rather harsh to me back a year ago, and i tried telling my friend and she wouldnt have a bar of it, saying i was making things up in my head and overreacting.she stopped talking to me and promised to call but never did.

so i came on here, and with your help I managed to do the no contact thing.

I now realise she wanted me to call, she wanted to be in power, but never did.

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six months later: we start saying hello again when we cross paths at the tech we used to go to.

One week i get this urge/overwhelming feeling that something s going to happen, and I miss her more than I had for ages.

I make her a present, two cds of my favorite bands.

We cross paths that week and say hi and I stop her and tell her i have soemthing for her.

we agree to meet for coffee.

we do and chat, and she seems surprised i gave her cds.

i ask her if we'll play again (music) and she says well I am the only one she would ever want to play with, i know how she feels about me etc.

I tell her im playing in other bands, she says shes not been doing any music.

we then arrange at her suggestion to meet for a drink before end of the year, and jam after tech , wed need to chat before she'd jam again so stuff wouldnt happen again.

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over the next few weeks i see her around + id ask her if shes litening to my cds and she says no she hasnt had time.

this goes on and one day i see her and shes quite stand offish, and sasy she dosnt like the music, (fair enough)but she says it in quite a snobby way, no thanks for my gift.

Me being oversensitive at the time got very hurt.

She then rings me at work, where she needed to get something done. i think shes ringing me.

Shes not.

I make chit chat, she then says she on her mobile and has to go shell call me back.

i go home crying at the disappointment, feeling rejected, touchy as.

she then gives something back to me when i ask for it, in not good condtion and then seems very hurried.

i text her and say its not good enough, bye, completely fed up of the way she was treating me.

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she then texts back, WTF??? I thought you were trying to fix things???

now you are freaking out again, blame blame blame.

you broke my heart back then + to be honest ive been very wary.

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so i stand up to her for once. not very politely (cringe), sayn how I was too, and she hurt me too and im not overeacting i have feelings etc.

we have a txt fight for some time.

then i say i want closure, im not taking her **** anymore, she cant just treat me like that, be so rude.

I then email trying to politely explain my point of view, and she doesnt want to hear it, [-X says its not appropriate to reply until tech is over shes busy.

(OUCH)

HEATED TXTS:

I say don't reply if its she cant accept any blame for once, I needed to say that for closure, bye.

She says, just as well, you didnt wan't to hear my closure speech.

I end saying YOUR LOSS.

(i have never stood up to her before).

 

its been 6 months, and Im starting to miss her again BADLY.

My head says don't go there, she tried to control you, treated you bad, but my heart cant let go of what we had, we were soulmates (in a friends way)

I know she felt the same way about me.

I know she missed me when I didnt contact her, she told people.

SHe is VERY stubborn and won't back down , I always have to contact her.

It's not that she doesnt have a huge soft in her heart for me i know she does, and probaly misses me like crazy, but she wont back down.

I want to make peace.

I feel terrible for what I said to her and am scared she wouldn't forgive me, but i have grown on my own and changed.

I want her to see that and start again.

I look really bad now.

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Should I hold my ground and suffer this loss, or should I stop being so defensive and tell her how I fell - big risks here of course, but the urge is so strong.

our problem could be fixed so easily if we just talked openly.

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I REALLY APPRECIATE ANYONE WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO READ THIS !!!!!!

woah

[twelve]

ps: so sorry about the long as post, I couldn't find a way to describe it properly any shorter.

I'd just like to say that how I have grown is with realising not to be so sensitive and I shouldn't have pushed things so much

[cassiana]

This is really complicated. You are platonic friends?

Does that mean that you have no romantic interest in her?

Does she ever flirt with you?

Is she with someone?

If so is it the same guy?

What is your objection to this guy?

Could you be jealous?

How does she view her relationship with you?

Why aren't you dating?

Could it be that she likes the idea of a male friend because you care for her and this massages her ego and also raises her attractiveness to other men.

Has she ever invited you places where a man she fancies might be?

I presume through all this, that you are single. Am I right?

[twelve]

Heya Cassian,

thanks for wading through all of that, I really appreciate any reply, so thanks.

complicated, OH YES

We are platonic and always have been.

There are no feelings like that from either side.

The reason we aren't dating: she is straight, and like a sister to me, I don't fancy her in a sexual way, but I really really love her, and know its mutual, well it was for a long time and stillw as after our last big fight

 

I'm gay, but have a girlfriend whom is it for me, but maybe now you might not believe the above statement but it is platonic, though a very strong close bond we had, with strong love, just not sexual.

She is with someone, and has been for ages, and my objection to him is that i feel he saw me as a threat because we were so close and this made him act standoffish to me.

Yes there was some jealously admittedly, when I started going out with my gf, she suddenly got back together with this guy.

I did feel threatened by her relationship with him in all honesty, just natural i guess, it wasn't major, just someone else shes close too

But the things he does I did not make up in my head, I thought that, but others said, hes really rude.

 

She views/viewed our relationship as a soulmate friendship, she told me a lot, it was clear between us, a musical connection also like no other we have both ever had.

She called our meeting " a divine intervention"

 

 

 

 

 

I don't feel she'd need to raise her attractiveness to other men, shes very attractive.

Now you really aren't going to believe me.

But yeh, the feelings betwwen us were very much mutual, the one of a kind friendship ones, magical as, im sure oyu know what I mean.

thats why im heartbroken.

guess thats why i broke her heart (by not calling her back when she said shed call me )

Hurts so much that she has to be like this, I just wana reach out to her, but I don't want to be the weak one.

 

THANKS AGAIN

SO APPRECIATED

[cassiana]

You are gay but you have a girlfriend?

 

And you keep saying "I know this is going to sound crazy".

 

You sound like you don't know who you are or what you wani.

 

This girl is your soulmate but you are gey even though you have a girlfriend and you want to make your mate jealous and you are jealous of her man who feels threatened by you??????

 

You sound at best bisexual which means her bf has every right to feel threatened. I wonder how platonic you really were on either side.

 

You need to decide what the hell it is that you want before you do anything.

[twelve]

I'm really offended by this.

This is the last thing I need right now.

I don't mean to be rude, but you have completely missed my point.

I didn't actually think that you would decide I have a crush on this old friend of mine because I am gay.

I don't want to have sex with a girl just because I love her.

This girl was a sister to me.

I also said I was gay and didn't hide that, I don't have a problem with it so I don't know but it seems you jumped down my throat?

My mate is not jealous, she understands we had a musical bond and is not threatened by that.

We have a very good relationship .

Me and this girl were platonic, just because we have a special loving bond does not mean it has to be sexual.

Her boyfriend also plays music and did not like her playing with other people.

He knew very well that she is straight, he was not threatened by me in that context.

He knew that even if it had been that I liked her that way I wouldn't do anything, he was just a jelaous guy with not many friends who wanted her to himself.

"You sound like you don't know who you are or what you wani."

Yes I do, and yes I know what I want, that hurts man.

My problem is that i have had trouble with power games and don't know what to do.

 

What the hell I want?

I just wanted my frinedship/musical connection back and some help here and I thought that you wanted to help.