Please Share Your "No Contact" Experiences

[alphonsefa]

I was interested in hearing from people who have had an EX come back after they went into "No Contact" mode. I'm really interested in hearing from those that had it happen, after the EX sounded very definitive when they broke it off. You know those famous lines they give you, "we're over hun", "I don't see a future with you", "I'm not afraid of commitment, just not with you", and the multitude of other reasons I've read in these forums. Basically, someone who sounded like they totally slammed the door on you when they left, but then did an about face down the line. I know "No Contact" is really about moving on for yourself, but that's not what I'm looking to hear about here. Moving on is something you have to do and have no choice about anyway. I am more curious about those that had pretty much thrown in the towel and then seen their EX initiate contact, after they had stopped contacting them. Thanks in advance for sharing your stories.

[QTpie87]

okay, well lets just say i pushed my ex to almost hating me because i couldn't do the no contact rule and it drove us both a little crazy .

but i once had thought he would never talk to me again, he used to run when he saw me and he used to say horrible things about me that weren't true just to hurt me.

however it has been almost a year sense i have bothered him and now when he sees me in town he will come up and we will catch up a little with a convo, yeah he comes up to me, i just stand there and don't have to do anything. so imagine the potential if you didn't bother them at all and were just friendly.

[hockeyboy]

I randomly just stopped talking to my ex one day. over time i started forgetting her. i never expected to hear from her again as she said "i never want to talk or see you again" she was angry, she was sincere, she hated me with a passion. then one friday night 6 weeks later she randomly called me. i did not pick up but finally returned her call a week later. from there things went well. we were on our way to getting back together till we ran through some problems (reasons why we cant be together) but they always seem to call when you least expect it.

[tiger_lilies]

I've always considered myself quite disciplined when it comes to No Contact. With me, my ex cheated on me, I tried to forgive him and we tried to work things out...three months later, he decided that it was too hard to make us work so he walked out on me. (I think he expected me to "get over it" within a matter of weeks...HA!)

 

So, I initated No Contact. One week later he calls to initate counseling. I ignored the message. He finally got the hint that I was not making any more effort to work things out since he left me when I needed him most.

 

Six months later, I receive a letter in the mail from him, begging to get back together. By that time, I was much stronger and realized that I did not want to go back into a relationship with him. It broke my heart to know that he was still hurting, but it's now too late. He lost his chance with me and I'm better off with someone who won't hurt me like he did.

 

So that's my story, the short version. No Contact is the best way to get over someone. It hurts like hell, but it's certainly worth all the effort in the end.

[annie24]

So, I've posted this story before, but I'll do it again. Basically, I was IN LOVE with this guy in high school. I was INSANELY in love with him. He liked me too, but I guess I was too smothering. So, he started being a jerk towards me, cheated on me, went with another girl to winter formal instead of me, his gf! Didn't even want to dance with me so as to "not upset his date." blah blah blah. After 4 months of this, I finally mustered some self respect and broke up with him. But, I told him I still wanted to be friends (god I was so lame!) A month later, I couldn't deal with him anymore, so I told him I never wanted to see him or talk to him again. Anyways... we went off to different colleges (350 miles away from each other). 3 years later....

 

.... I get a call out of nowhere -- "I've missed you! You were the love of my life, you were the best gf ever and I was the worst bf ever! ..." Anyways, I started getting all of these flowers and phone calls and e-mails. He told me this time he was back for good, he was going to make up every lame thing ever did to me, and that he wanted to marry me.

 

It was too late... 3 years all too late. After 3 weeks of this, I told him he was delusional and to never contact me again!

 

Revenge is sweet.

[Desired1]

Could somebody help me understand this. Why when people break up, does it automatically mean that they have to hate eachother?

That doesn't happen to me and I was wondering if someone could explain why exactly. Thanx

Des

[annie24]

Well... I think when you date someone and the other person gets to know all about you, and then they break up with you, it's like they're saying, "Yeah, I've gotten to know you, and you're not all that. I'm outta here!" I think that's why it's so easy to hate an ex. Of course, I'm oversimplifying things, but you get the drift.

[cassiana]

Annie your revenge story made me smile. i can imagine the satisfaction.

I would love to hear more happy ever after stories. Il tell you one ive mentioned before.

Mary had been dating tom for over a year. marriage had been mentioned. Then he told her "I just dont see you in my future". that was that. She was gutted, had one lacklustre relationship and was planning to move when nine months later he begged for her back. Now they are married.

Lisa had been dating bill for a year but he rarelt made time for her. She dumped him because of the way he treated her and hoped hed reform. It took him 2 years to ask her back and he did.

Me I dated my ex for 5 months. He has cfs and was under pressure for work and study and dumped me as a response to that. I immediately initiated NC for four months (im very disciplined) and broke it when his course was finished. But he had a relapse of cfs and was dragging himself to work (he didn't tell me) We emailed until he finished his job in december. Then he went off travelling. Hes always wanted to do that. He will be back in april. Do you think hell contact me.

Pray to your gods please.

Please keep the happy ending stories coming and cheer me up.

[lelou]

My ex was pretty mean to me when he finally broke it completely off after I initiated a seperation. HE had finally had enough so he broke it off started dating someone and acted so cold it didn't even seem like the same person. My heart was broken, because even though I initiated the seperation I was hoping it would help the relationship. But really, all my coldness and distace made him finally close himself off.

 

So, at first I freaked out. Calling him and yelling. Finally, I had enough of his coldness and decided not to call no matter how hard. And it was hard b/c I thought for sure he was over it.

 

But soon, a few weeks had gone by and then I got a few late phone calls that didn't answer. Then they became day calls, and I finally called him back. We met once while he was still dating the girl to end it pleasantly, and he actually told me he was amazed by how much he didn't feel (which broke my heart b/c he had always been loving and affectionate). BUT, soon the tables turned and we started seeing eachother and now we are heading back into the relatinship. HOWEVER, read my post today and you'll see we are starting to work on the problems are seperation created.

 

One step at a time.

[fantasia2004]

great stories

[alphonsefa]

Wow I get to post my own story to my own thread...lol. Well as of Jan. 6th, my EX told me not to write her, not to call her, and didn't care who I had to talk with to get over the pain of the break up. Also said, the feeling just wasn't there at the end", "she fell for the dreams we planned faster than she fell for me", "that I needed to keep going out to find someone to share my life with", "that she wasn't the ONE for me", and "that she didn't want to be the center of my life". Some of this was told to me over the phone and much of it was left on my answering machine. I never responded back to the answering machine message. I went into NC right away. The hardest and most painful thing I have ever done, I was miserable! Well 19 days pass, and I suddenly have a message on my machine updating me about the money she owes me. The thing is, those details were already worked out, and it was obvious that her phone call wasn't about the money. The machine had cut part of it off so I left her a message saying, "only got first part of your message, see ya". She called back later in the day and immediately asked me how I was doing. I replied, "I'm doing okay". When I aksed her the same, she shockingly said she was. "SO SO". The rest of the phone call sounded like she was clearing her conscience, telling me why she ran from the relationship the way she did. I didn't argue I listened and then calmly pointed out some things she had overlooked or taken for granted. I kept the conversation fairly light hearted give the topics, there were no raised voices, just a few heart to hearts explaing our view on things. Well we said goodbye and she said she'd get back to me when her refund came in (2 weeks). I thought that was it, sounded like she had a lot of guilt about how she handled the breakup and wanted to clear her conscience. Lo and behold, I wake up the next morning with an email with one simple line, "Should we try again"? I about fell out of my chair! She then called me 2 times that day and the best line was the one from the second conversation. She said, "I really miss the sex". That one was priceless to me! LOL!!! Through the conversation, I learned that at first she was elated with her decision, but as each day passed with no contact from me, she fell into doubt and depression. So while I was depressed about thinking about how much it didn't bother her, she was depressed about how I calmly exited the scene. I know it's tough, but this NC is powerful stuff! I'll keep you posted on the progress of this one...LOL

[cassiana]

It makes you think how many times two people have broke each others hearts and gone their separate ways without realising it. That's why I don't believe that exs are exs for a reason is a hard and fast rule. I think that this is a very useful thread.

[hockeyboy]

just take it slow whatever you do.

[fantasia2004]

Remember she is emotionally unstable or is she ? Do you want a repeat of drama?

[Amasa]

I'm with fantasia2004, she does sound emotionaly unstable. And if you guys are just gonna start talking because she missed you and the sex, how's that gonna fix anything that was wrong with your relationship in the first place??

 

And just for the NC stories... my ex and I had dated for 3 years when we broke up, we didnt' talk for 6 months, then we started talking again and it was horrible. I tried so hard to get him back into a relationship with me and he was so angry at me for the original breakup. We did that for a while until we were both fed up. We didn't talk for 3 years after that.

We started talking again in June, and things are going at a snails pace, but we are getting along really well. We had alot of issues when we broke up, and we both had alot of growing up to do before we were ready to deal with them. But now that we have, our relationship is soooo much better.

[Roman]

I read all of these posts with the NC rule working out and some that dont work out. I am 21 years old and have been with my ex gf since i was 17 she was 16 i was her first everything, first kiss first sex partner basically she learned everything from me. I screwed up big time with not doing anything with my life and getting comfortable and dependent on her. she had been telling me to to something with it for about 3 years i guess her feeling have changed over time. she says she confused and doesnt know what she wants she is in college and has a lot of things going on with her life and i am so proud of how hardworking she is and so disapointed in myself for not seeing the signs and taking her for granted thinking subcontiously that she will be there always. i didnt do anything with my life just worked sometimes and what not. finally she had enough and said that she needs some space at first. i guess she wanted me to change and i started to change my ways but still talking to her and still seeing her, i was having a very hard time because i was getting mixed signals and would get excited real quick for example we went to the getty museum enjoyed some art and she kissed my once and i said thats not a kiss give a real 1 and she kissed me again. i couldnt take it anymore i was hanging on for hopes that might not be there so i didnt know what to do i called her friend which is my friend kind of but she is on her side. her friend told me that she is still confused and doesnt know what she wants because my changes i think werent big enough mind you im still changing and it will take time, anyways she arranged a phone call with me and my ex and she told me that shes sorry for leading me on and that she does love me she said i have a awesome personality and a heart of gold and that im very hansom but i have to let go i was still clinging on and was so affraid of the NC thing we were very honest and open with eachother. she said because i was still clinging on and keeping contact everytime she would begin to feel something i would ruin it by trying to see her call her be with her so i said i know i have to let you go and i now have no choice to accept that you are gone and if we are meant to be she will comeback to me she said yes thats right, so basically we ended it very gentle and i said to her before i hung up i said you were a bird that i loved so much and i kept you in my hands and didnt let you fly away but i see that in order for you to get back the true love feelings you once had i need to let you go and become an independent man so i said fly away little birdy fly..... and said bye she then said dont say bye i will still talk to you and you wll still call me i said no im sorry i cant call you and she said ok i was beggining to get emotional and my voice was cracking i was trying so hard with all my might not to cry and i didnt but she could hear it in my voice the last things she said was you know sometimes things have a way of working out and we hung up. now its been 2 days im ok i have a long road ahead of me i have a lot of changes to make. i am kind of a weak person and she is so strong i think this is her way of making me change and become strong i dont know im still very much in a state of shock but am accepting it slowly. the NC thing could benefit me or not i guess we will see what the following months will bring

 

she is the love of my life i love this girl sooooooooooooo much.

 

weve been together for 4 1/2 years and im shattered is she doing this to get me to change?

or is she really confused?

 

im getting my life on track and she sees that what should i do evryone tells me she will come around 4 1/2 years is a long time for a girl to forget especially if i was her first love. i dont know im so lost all i know is that everything happens for a reason and thats all i really have going for me

 

help me out guys pleaseeeee!!!!!!