Feelings of uncertainty and 'lost'

[larthur1]

I got out of a long-term relationship about a year ago, my ex left me for someone else; lied to me, cheated and betrayed me. This person was my best friend and I supported them through so much over five years, where there were pressures put on the relationship that I stayed strong through for her. Then after everything she did that.

 

I had a very long and intense road to recovery. The deepest depths of hurt and grief, having lost more than my partner but my dog, home and a life. I life I had to walk away from, which was convenient for her. Finally I came through the other side, appreciating the strength and experience I had gained. I started dating with a few fails and success. However, recently I met someone I really like and I feel I connected with, which brings me to problem.

 

It didn't work out and now I am left feeling lots of uncertainty and 'lost'. You see I believe in instincts, when you meet someone and there is something there. Its hard to describe. I have been on dates with lots of beautiful women and not felt it, so its more than just looks and yet I know it within minute of seeing them. I happens very rarely but it happened with this girl and we went out, which I thought went really well and then I haven't heard from her, even though she wanted to meet up again.

 

Now its not that I can't accept rejection. It's that I worry if my feelings and instinct are a lie and I can't rely on them. I always have and now I am questioning that and it terrifies me. I also used to believe in love and romance, fate and destiny. Yet after the hard road I don't have faith any more that everything will be ok. I try and do as much good in the world as I can, believing that it will spread and yet now I am left feeling lost because of the last year.

[larthur1]

I could really use a win right now...

[1a1a]

I don't think your feelings and instincts are off the mark. Or are even a thing that ought to be On the mark. You feel what you feel for the people you meet, the same is true of them. When the feeling is mutual you can take it further and try dating or hooking up.

 

All you can do is keep meeting people, and keep doing all of the other things in live that make you glad to be alive, sooner or later you will have that mutual spark with someone and it will be awesome. And even if you don't, it won't matter, because your life is full of the fun things you do.

[larthur1]

I honestly don't know what to believe. I haven't felt myself for a long time or sure in myself like I used to. My whole world has been rocked, I jump at opportunities, I create them for myself but I still feel empty inside. And yet at the same time I am very emotional, which is something I have never been. My mind is all over the place and I know no one can fix that but myself. I do so well some days and then I have moments like now. I feel very lost.

 

I am not in the place I was, thankfully, I have taken all there is to take from my breakup and it doesn't hurt any more, nor am I attached to my old life. And yet whilst I take lots of positives from my new life, something isn't right. Something is missing.

[Clinton]

So, one year ago you got out of a long term relationship and started dating before you were ready, to fill a void.

 

And now you're pinning your hopes on girls who you barely know.

 

I'd say you need to be single for a while and work on you. Your happiness shouldn't depend on someone else so much. Being single isn't a bad thing. Best three years of my life was after my divorce when I dated absolutely no one. I did what I wanted to when I wanted to.

 

There's a lot to be said with being content with yourself. It allows you to make better decisions about other people.

[1a1a]

I haven't felt myself for a long time or sure in myself like I used to.

 

I felt like this coming out of the last relationship. My approach to not feeling like that anymore was to brainstorm the things I did pre relationship that made me feel like I was living in my purpose and seek to do them again.