How can we be friends again?

[samman132]

My fiance and I just broke up a couple weeks ago after being together for over 3 years. We only knew each other for three months before we started dating back in 2012. So we didn't have a lot of time together just being friends.

Now that we are apart, I'm having to learn to be her friend, but it is so hard to even be around her because it hurts. But since we have pretty much the same friends, it is near impossible to not be reminded of her on a daily basis.

To clarify, our break up was a mutual break up and we absolutely want to get back together in the future. But we both know we need the space apart and to not be in contact. But like I said, that is nearly impossible to do. We are involved with a lot of the same stuff and a lot of the same people.

My question is, what are some steps that I could start taking now to get us back to that friendship level? I know I need to focus on myself and allow myself to change. I've got good buddies to help keep me on track in that matter. But I firmly believe that we are suppose to be together and I will do whatever I have to get her back someday. I know that it will start with simply being friends again. How long should I give before starting to bring friendship up with her?

This is my first break up and so this is all new to me. Thanks for reading, everybody.

 

P.s. Is it a good idea to try and talk with her parents, also? I haven't really had any contact with them since the break up and it is only a matter of time before I run into them again.

[saluk]

"How can we be friends again? "

 

Been there, and it's just something that can't be forced at all. You are going to be awkward around each other. ACCEPT THIS. Accept that you will be whatever nature and your two selves will be able to be - even if it may not be the kind of connection you wish. Be friendly with her, but do not try to be her friend. Don't try anything in fact. Treat her as much as possible like you would treat any other random female you happen to know.

 

"To clarify, our break up was a mutual break up and we absolutely want to get back together in the future. But we both know we need the space apart and to not be in contact. But like I said, that is nearly impossible to do. We are involved with a lot of the same stuff and a lot of the same people."

 

I am curious why you broke up at all - but if you need space, you will have to create it. You will have to not hang out with these friends when she is and vice versa. If you don't make the effort to create the space it won't happen.

 

Breaking up to get together later seems like an odd plan to me. How did this happen?

 

"P.s. Is it a good idea to try and talk with her parents, also? I haven't really had any contact with them since the break up and it is only a matter of time before I run into them again. "

 

Just don't force anything. I would avoid the parents as much as you avoid her. In a way, you have broken up with them as well. It's good to hear you have some people helping you. Focus on that. Focus on yourself. The more you try and treat this "problem", the worse it can get - like scratching at a cut that is trying to heal. When the bandages come off and the skin is OK to be scratched again, you will kind of know. It will feel normal and not weird. If it still feels weird, it is.

[samman132]

Thanks for the response to answer your question:

 

We broke up because we realized there was a lot of hurt that we never really addressed over the years and I realized I have some unhealthy habits and unhealthy views of myself that I need to personally grow in before I can truly commit myself to a

another whole person and there life as well. I did some things in our relationship that really hurt her a lot more then I thought. So I need to give her the time to heal, while I address some of those things that caused her to get so hurt in the first place.

[catfeeder]

How can we be friends again?

 

Wait a year or more, and then the answer will either be apparent or the question will fall off of your radar.

 

Trying to play friendzies straight out of a breakup is delusional.