I just don't understand...

[Hash52]

So about a week ago I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. We were dating 5 months. 2 weeks prior to our breakup, I noticed and felt some distance being put between us. She stopped using emojis, barely texted first and NEVER once tried to hang out with me. When we did it would only be for about 2 hours max, and I would ask her if everything was okay and she said it was, and that everything was fine. The day before I broke up with her, she had the day off and so did I. Yet when I tried to hang out with her, she said she was going to the mall but we could hang out afterwords. 4-5 hours pass and she finally texted me saying "I'm going to my dads if you want to come with" surely I went and we hung around for about 2 hours. She said she had to go to sleep since she had to wake up early for, what I thought she said work. ( I even said "I'll give you a ride to work tomorrow morning" and she said "it's okay my mom will take me") Later that night I texted her "Goodnight babe" and didn't get a text back. 30 minutes later I spot her on FB. I told her we needed to talk, she replied "we should" Next day apparently she didn't have work and we talked. She admitted that she had a crush on another guy from work who she would text time to time when we were dating but only as friends. I asked her who she went to the mall with and it was with him alone. She told me she needed time to think about things and I said okay. Later that night I broke up with her.

 

The thing I don't understand is that I always told her how much I loved her and did things for her all the time. We were pretty lovey dovey it wasn't just me. She did as much if not more for me. We would always talk about our future together and how we would grow old then she'd get really happy and such. People say that women usually leave their bfs because of lack of affection or attention whatever. I feel like this doesn't apply to me at all. After everything I just don't understand how. Is it me?

 

What I personally feel like, is that she was desperate for a boyfriend. She got me and I made her feel like a queen. and maybe I boosted her confidence? and now she wants to get someone better? I don't even know anymore. I've KINDA gotten over her. I just want to know why.. to close everything and never open this door again. Channel all of this into positive energy and live my life.

 

 

ANOTHER THING: We previously dated back in Highschool. She was 14-15 I was 16-17. It ended after like a month and a half. She basically did the same thing and left me for another guy. As time went on obviously I thought it was just because she was new to being in relationships and she was young, I was young.. we didn't know what we were doing. She ended up dating him for 6 months and broke up because he cheated on her. She didn't have a boyfriend until I came to light 3 years later. 5 months boom, looking for someone else.

[AutumnBorn]

You're both young. When we're young, our feelings change rapidly. We barely know who we are, let alone what we want in a partner. It's part of life. You weren't a stepping stone for her anymore than she was for you.

 

Here's a secret that nobody really talks about, but I want you to know. We have no control over our feelings. Love is a chemical reaction in the beginning and, if we're lucky, it grows into a comfortable, strong attachment. If it doesn't, we break up and move on. Here's another truth: In every relationship, one of us wants the relationship more. The person who wants it more has the power in the relationship. Sometimes it's one person, sometimes the other, but it's never balanced. Never.

 

There. You know everything you need to know about love. You can't control your emotions and neither can the other party. There's no switch you can flip on or off. It doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love. It simply means that the chemical imbalance she felt in the beginning has subsided. Your endorphins, however, were still going strong.

 

So…now you know. It had nothing to do with you. Love is a chemical imbalance. Nothing more. If we're lucky, we've formed a strong and powerful attachment to each other when everything returns to normal.

 

You'll live to love again. Never, ever doubt yourself again. How anybody feels about you has very little to do with you and everything to do with neurology.

 

Fight on.

[catfeeder]

What I personally feel like, is that she was desperate for a boyfriend. She got me and I made her feel like a queen. and maybe I boosted her confidence? and now she wants to get someone better? I don't even know anymore.

 

I would replace the word 'better' with 'different'.

 

In most young breakups there are no villains, just a desire to keep exploring people. Settling down becomes pretty boring pretty fast, and that's nobody's 'fault'.

 

The bad news is that this is common enough to not be the last time this happens, but the good news is, it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong or that there is something wrong with you.

 

Head high.