Have you ever longed for someone that you shouldn't? How to move on?

[writer5]

I've been longing for a girl I met 2 years ago right before the summer.

We were both 21 and our birthdays were both in August.

When I met her I didn't think anything of it. She was back visiting from college and I was just in town.

Basically, we come from a small city in the Midwest so there's not many places to go.

We were both at the local bar and she asked me a few questions but then she told me she had a boyfriend. So I didn't even ever picture us together.

As the night and the drinks went on, we bumped into each other and she told me to try her drink.

I said "No thank you" because I don't like sugary alcoholic drinks and I was already pretty drunk at the time.

I was about to walk away when the next thing she said was "You're cute... Let's make out."

I couldn't resist. We talked the whole night and went to my friend's house after (since we were both staying with our parents.)

We decided to go for a walk at 4 in the morning.

Her and I stumbled down the avenue holding hands and kissing. I got her phone number and we started texting. A few nights later, we went out for drinks and I ended up hooking up that night. I saw a picture of her and her boyfriend on the nightstand as we left her room. She dropped me off in the morning and I left town. She stayed.

I coincidentally went to the town where she went to college (it's a state school where a majority of people from our hometown went) to visit a friend. We went to a bar. I couldn't believe it. I saw him. I saw the guy who was in her bed stand picture. It was her boyfriend.

I couldn't believe that I was standing in the same room as him knowing that I'd been with her the night before.

I'd see her again 4 weeks later in my hometown. I'd wake up to her in my arms after drinking all night. We shared drinks, laughs and stories. We went to movies and held hands.

She was a wild one. My friends would tell me stories about her that I didn't wanna hear but none of that phased me. I will never forget the glow in her blue eyes and the sunshine in her golden blonde hair. I'll never forget those mornings after staying up all night with her that summer...

I got on a flight the next day and time passed between us until about a year later when I went to visit some friends in Colorado.

She sent me a message and said she'd be in Colorado. I was playing it cool but secretly I was ecstatic.

The first night we went out with a big group of people from our hometown: we didn't show any affection towards each other. Because she was with her friends and still in a relationship.

When we got a moment together at the bar- we talked and she said "I don't love you. I'm back together with my boyfriend."

I tried to act like I didn't care and that it was totally fine. But really it was gonna be awkward- especially since we were staying at the same place. We remained friends on a slightly bitter note.

We got breakfast in the morning and went our separate ways.... I didn't think much about her because I started seeing another girl from my hometown. That was cool for a while.

So fast forward a year and a half to the present.

I'm struggling in a big city to try to make a career for myself and she's a school teacher working in our hometown now, her new current boyfriend is, let's just say "So and so," this guy from my graduating high school class. We didn't talk much but we definitely know who each other are.

One day out of the blue I had a dream about her...

Then something weird happened.

I get a call from my dad the next day saying So and So helped me with our phone plan. I couldn't believe it. So and so is dating the girl I love. Honestly, I'm 23 years old and my dad is still paying my phone bill while I continue to work low income jobs.

My dad and her boyfriend talked about me in my own hometown, while I'm living on the other side of the country .

My father is a simple man. He thinks I'm a loser so when So and So asked what I've been up to, my dad replied "oh nothing, he's just wasting his time".... I haven't talked to her since last year. I've been thinking about her nonstop.. I think I love her. I wish I could reach out to her but I know I can't and what would be the point anyway.

I'm so torn because I want to be with her but I'd rather have her be with someone she wants to be with... We both live out of state anyways and she probably thinks I'm a jerk or a loser. I feel like such a fool because I want to believe there's still a chance.

I just need to forget about her and move on.