Shall I try to get him back for a third time?

[Midgi]

Hello,

 

I just wanted to tell you my story, as I know how you guys feel out there. And all you want is your partner back.

 

I got my partner back, after one year of seperation!

 

We had a bad breakup a year ago and we split up on bad terms. I went a year abroad, (although we were in contact via e-mail) and I could not get him out of my head. Everytime I got an e-mail from him, I had butterflies and every time I did not hear from him in a while, I thought he must have a new girlfriend.

 

Then when I was back in the country we got back together. And I was overhappy! Just imagine after all this pain I went through in the last year!

 

Everything was perfect and this time I used all my energy into making this relationship work. I was not mad, if he did not call me for a while, I was not mad, if he wanted to do something with his friends, I tried to be as understanding as I could.

 

Two weeks ago he broke up again. He said he still loves me, but not enough! And the reason he broke up was: "I cannot be bothered to put the effort into this relationship anymore."

 

I am so devastated and all my energy in kinda drenched out of my body. I dont know how to be a better girlfriend than I was in the last 6 months.

 

And now I wish I put the past energy into getting over him, rather than getting him back.

 

I have to start from the beginning again. And I still do not know if I will ever get over him, because I never did!

 

I am so scared I will never love a person like I loved him.

 

Or shall I try to get him back for a third time?

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I know this isn't any consolation, but you won't feel this way for ever. I had a horrible break up a year and a half ago, and though it took a year for me to get back on track I did get there. At the moment I'm courting a beautiful young lady that has treated me better in that last couple weeks than my ex ever did. It just takes time (more for some than others), but it will get better.

 

Now as for you question as to whether or not to try for a third time… Someone that isn't able to hold a relationship together now wont be able to do it in the future. If he doesn't place that much value on you now then he won't later. Don't waste your time, and don't let him hurt you like that again.

[GettingOverIt]

I think you should let this guy go. Who knows why people act the way they do, or say the things they say... The big thing I would take away from this is the GOOD things you did! You didn't upset when he wanted to be with his friends, and you didn't get upset when he wouldn't call... Those are traits to keep with you and to keep in mind for your future!

 

I know it seems like you 'wasted' all that time, but no time is 'wasted' if you walk away better than you were before. You probably don't realize it quite yet, but you have learned a great deal from this relationship.

 

I know you don't think you'll love this much again, but I believe you will not only love this much again, but you will find someone who DOES want to be with you, who WILL put in whatever energy it takes.

 

It won't be easy to get over, but find some friends to talk to either online (like here) or in person... Sometimes, it's not how 'good' we are as a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, it's how willing the other person is to make things work when life gets rough... You will pull through, I have faith in ya!

[sayer7]

You might want to spend your energy more wisely if you're considering getting him back a third time. It's clear that you bent over backwards to make the relationship work the second time around and everything you did was for naught.... mainly because it's not what you do that makes him "love you enough", but something within HIM that needs to change to make him "love you enough."

 

And unfortunately, you cannot change him no matter what you do, no matter how much you change to accommodate him, or how much you bend over backwards to make the relationship with him work.

 

I would spend your energy making yourself stronger and healing from this relationship. In time I think you'll get over him if you give yourself patience and learn to love yourself more (not that you don't love yourself-- but I think you've spent so much time trying to change for him that you've forgotten how it feels to change for YOU just because it makes YOU feel like a stronger, better person. No other motive beyond becoming a better person and refreshing your outlook on life and people.)

 

Focus on improving yourself right now... workout, do things that lift your self-esteem and confidence. In time you'll grow to become a stronger person for your next relationship with whomever you choose to go into a relationship with.

 

Hope this helps some... take care of yourself.

[Luscious]

When the break up is fresh we always feel that we can't get over someone but in time you will. You didn't get over him in a year because you didn't want to, you still wanted to be loved by him because you loved him. But if you put your mind too it you can do it. I think there needs to be a no contact rule. He shouldn't be allowed to come into your life at his own convenience and then walk out. To me he's not worth your time or tears.

Sometimes we don't want to let go but we have to and when he looks back at the situation it will be his lost and someone else gain. Keep your head up, you will miss him but in the long run you'll be glad that you let go.

[ShuShu Fontana]

No, you should not try again a third time. Like you said, you were the best girlfriend you could be. He obviously has a different idea of what that is and you need to find someone who is on the same page as you.

He can't put anymore effort into this relationship? What a jerk. You need to be with someone who will work at it and fight for it. I kow I don't want to be with someone who gives up so easily.

You gave it a second try and that's comendable. Now it's time to walk away and on to something better. You shoudlnever have to change yourself for someone else. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are. Yes, that sounds like Mr. Rogers but the man has a point!

[Midgi]

Thanks, for all your nice replies. It is really hard at the moment, because I feel that it has to be over again.

 

If I would not care about him somuch, it would be so much easier.

 

But should that be all what is left from a relationship, inwhich you put somuch love, hope and pain into? Indifference and cutting somebody out of your life, who means so much to you?

[PAdreamer]

The answer to your question is a resounding NO! Do not try to get him back. The reason he gave you says it all- he sees your relationship as a hinderance. A chore. He doesn't want it. Why would you want to be with someone who has so little respect for you and your feelings? Keep loving him. It's okay to keep loving him. But move on with your life. Find someone who will love you in return.

[GettingOverIt]

But should that be all what is left from a relationship, inwhich you put somuch love, hope and pain into? Indifference and cutting somebody out of your life, who means so much to you?

 

Not at all... You take with you the memories and the things you learned from that relationship... Some people will always have a special place in your heart, no matter what happens with the relationship. In time, the hurt will get healed and even some of the memories will fade - some will fade into distant memories and some will fade from you forever... What you take with you, though, are the things you want to take away... You do not have to have indifference...