Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 So me & my ex were together for 13 months & it was going good until stress and pressure got the better of me and I pushed her away and she wanted a break for 3 months I said that isn't how you fix something and I broke it off, we were in love and it hurt both of us. We went off and saw other people and a lot of bad stuff was said in the 4 months we were apart. However last week we met up for a drink and it was clear we both still had feelings for each other and 1 thing led to another and we slept together. It felt like we had rolled back the clock 6 months and I felt great again. My ex wants to get back with me I still love her & she says she loves me & we said we would try. Wednesday night she asked me to go round for only a couple of hours as was tired from work but I wouldn't have got there till late so we said we would see each other Friday. That night she spent 5 hours with an engaged bloke who is her friend he is going through some bad times at the moment but I still asked her how she expected me to feel about that situation and told her I didn't like it. Because we argued Thursday about the night before she said she didn't want to see me Friday (last night) this morning I find out this guy got there at 10 last night and didn't eave till 6am today, I am not saying anything is going on but I feel really pissed off about it. Am I right to be upset? Maybe it's bad idea us getting back together? Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 How long has she known that guy? I've comforted friends before but 8 hours sounds like a very long time. Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 she claims for 5 years but in the whole time we were together before 13 months I don't re-call her mentioning him once What about the guy his is supposed to be engaged but walks in after 6am on valentines day to his fiancee how would she feel if she knew where he was? Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 If they were such close friends that he could spend the night in her house and she's known him for 5 years, then, I have no idea how you hadn't even heard about him in those 13 months. I think you did get back together very soon and I'd want to get to the bottom of this if I was to give this relationship one more chance. PS How do you know how long he stayed? Did she tell you? Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Both times she told me he was there, the first time because I was pissed off that in the middle of talking to me she disappeared for 5 hours so she told me he was there talking to her the next day, then last night I think she told me so I didn't expect a reply to my texts, this morning I text to see how she is and she tells me tired because he didn't leave till 6am Shes texting me now saying nothings going on and basically saying I have a trust issue but that's 13 hours together over 2 nights when she could have been with me how can I not get upset about this Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Why don't you ask her to introduce him to you? Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 It doesn't feel like a situation where I could do that to be honest, I would have met him by now if she wanted me to have met him, I feel very uneasy about this, like its a mistake trying to get back together in the first place, she knows I am uncomfortable with her spending the night with this guy alone when she could be with me but from what shes saying she will do it again and I know this guy must have feelings for her and obviously him and his fiancee aren't talking like he is with my ex Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Ummm I would pull back if I were you. This situation seems like it's more than what she is saying. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 If you don't trust her, then break up with her. I personally don't see any reason to not take what she's saying at face value. But all you're doing now is giving her a hard time about something and staying with her. What's the point? Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 If you don't trust her, then break up with her. I personally don't see any reason to not take what she's saying at face value. But all you're doing now is giving her a hard time about something and staying with her. What's the point? Take what at face value? She said she wanted an early night then spent it with this guy for 5 hours Wednesday, she could have been with me last night but instead was with him again all night, its valentines day now and shes got excuses to not see me, also this guys fiancee how will she feel about her husband to be rolling in gone 6am with no sleep on valentines day? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Take what at face value? She said she wanted an early night then spent it with this guy for 5 hours Wednesday, she could have been with me last night but instead was with him again all night, its valentines day now and shes got excuses to not see me, also this guys fiancee how will she feel about her husband to be rolling in gone 6am with no sleep on valentines day? It's not your problem or concern what this guy's fiance thinks. I'm saying you either trust her or you don't. If you don't feel like there's any way possible that this was platonic, then break up with her. Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 It's not your problem or concern what this guy's fiance thinks. I'm saying you either trust her or you don't. If you don't feel like there's any way possible that this was platonic, then break up with her. Point taken but the question was am I right to be upset, obviously this guy doesn't care what his fiancee thinks otherwise he would have been with her and not my ex, even if they were completely innocent surely her making excuses to not see me then spending them with this guy is reason to be pissed? Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I know it's hard to believe. But it is not innocent at all! Take it from a woman. You have a right to be upset. But you need to pull back from this situation. Actions speak louder than words..... Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I know it's hard to believe. But it is not innocent at all! Take it from a woman. You have a right to be upset. But you need to pull back from this situation. Actions speak louder than words..... Thanks for that I think that's for the best at the moment, if anyone has any suggestions please let me know, or they think I was in the wrong here being upset by this Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Point taken but the question was am I right to be upset, obviously this guy doesn't care what his fiancee thinks otherwise he would have been with her and not my ex, even if they were completely innocent surely her making excuses to not see me then spending them with this guy is reason to be pissed? Do you have a right to be upset? Of course you do...they're your feelings and you have the "right" to feel however you feel. What you don't have the "right" to do is dictate what she "should" or "shouldn't" do based on YOUR feelings about it. Meaning she has the "right" to be friends with whomever she wants (and to comfort that friend till 6:00 a.m. if she so chooses)...regardless of how YOU feel about it...you are her boyfriend not her jail warden. You either choose to trust her OR if you can't , then break up with her. But again to answer your question.. yes you have the "right" to be upset...they're your feelings. Feelings are never "right" or "wrong"... it's how you choose to deal with your feelings that could be right or wrong. Keep your jealous insecure feelings to yourself and DON'T burden her with YOUR neurosis about it. THAT would not be "right" nor would it be fair. Unless more info comes in...she was simply trying to help and comfort a good friend who was upset and needed a friend to talk to. She was honest and upfront with you about all of it....which indicates to me anyway that nothing shady went on. Again, if you don't trust her...break up with her and move on. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Do you have a right to be upset? Sure, you can feel any way you want. Do you have the right to now badger and harass her about it when you have no proof of anything having happened? Not really, in my opinion. If you're that convinced she did something, then break up with her. If not, then let it go. Do you see a third option? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 It is what it is. You can either let is slide or walk away, but don't make the mistake of entering the hellish limbo of sticking around only to fume and fight with her about it. That will get you nowhere but the walk away. So if this isn't something you can live with, I'd exit without drama. Head high. Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 I think some of you are reading between the lines and getting it wrong, I never said anything doggy was going on between them, I HAVE NOT BADGERED HER OR HARASSED HER! I am not insecure about her possibly cheating on me either, what I am saying here is that I am pissed off that she could have been with me for that time, she said she still loves me and that she would do anything to get back with me, she told this guy that I was not happy about Wednesday and he still went round again on Friday and why is he not talking to his own partner instead of mine, my ex seems to think I am not entitled to have feelings about this and the ones I am feeling are wrong Anyway what happened was I pointed out that is was valentines day and the girl who is apparently in love with me wont see me because shes off to bed after being up all night, I told her I wasn't happy about it (I did not badger her or harass her) she flipped out and started having a go at me, I basically said I didn't need this and broke it off Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 You may think that we missed the point, but I got it. This is exactly the place where we all anticipated that a fight would lead, and while I'm sorry, I also believe you did the right thing. The point was that her behavior was a 'take it or leave it' statement, and it wasn't what anyone would have expected or wanted from a lover. Regardless of whether you could trust that she wasn't technically cheating, her investment of time in this guy was disloyal to you because it ripped you off. So the point became not one of speculation about her behavior but how to handle her behavior and it's impacts on you: a planned holiday spent alone because she prioritized 'some guy' over you, and for an extended period. She all but ensured your walk away. I realize that it hurts, but at least you can take all doubt off that table that she was not a good match for you. Love is not always enough--some people are best loved from far away. Head high. Link to comment
Karl Young Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 It didn't really end in a fight I broke it off before it even got to an argument, was probably a mistake trying to get back together in the first place I agree catfeeder you got the point, brokenhart84 and missmarple did as well, thanks for all the comments though it helps to speak with people about these situations and like most of you said it ended in a break up anyway Link to comment
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