Any happy stories with age gap, with woman older than man more than 5 or 10 yrs?

[ChessGuitar]

Hello,

I've been strugling through a break up, my girlfriend broke up with me one month ago and she's 10 years older than me (hence this topic here), I'm 27, she's 37.

If anyone is interested, here's the (long) topic -> (enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=489409)

 

But anyway, I love her very much, but I think she might have issues with me being too much younger.

 

So I'd like to know if anyone has an interesting story (I'd hope with a happy ending) that has this same challenge (woman older than man).

I strongly feel we could work it out (if she comes back) and that this shouldn't be an issue. So I'd love to hear other stories.

 

If you can, I think it would help think about my case if you could answer:

1) How does she handle the jealousy?

2) Were there any break ups? If so, why?

3) How did you two develop better trust with each other?

 

Well, if at least one couple answers, I'll be really glad!

 

Thank you very much!

 

Sorry for my english, I'm from south america

[mbee]

To answer your original question, yes there success stories with women being 5-10 years older. That's actually not THAT significant of an age gap. It is significant but we aren't talking 15-20 years or anything too crazy.

 

For instance, I have a friend who has been married to his wife for maybe 4-5 years and he's 5-6 years younger than her. I know a few other couples where the woman is at least 5 years older but I don't know the actual age gap since it's none of my business and I don't ask. My friend has been with his girlfriend for 2 years and I think she's 7 years older than him ( he's 28 ). I also have an acquaintance who is extremely in love with her husband that she's known for 20 years (married for 10) and he's a good 25 years younger than her. They are very open about their challenges as a couple, have even broken up for 5 years prior to being married, realized that being together was worth the challenge and have been together for 10 years, and happily married indeed.

 

1. I cannot answer this. I'm not in these people's situations and it's none of my business to ask.

2. Yes, example above.

3. I cannot answer this. I'm not in these people's situations and it's none of my business to ask

 

The truth is, you guys are broken up now so 1 and 3 don't apply to you anymore. Let her be and if it's meant to be your paths will cross again.

[newseeker]

I had a brief dalliance with a 25 year old when I was 37. I was only in his country for 6 months, so it was never going to be serious, but it was enriching for both of us.

 

1) How does she handle the jealousy?

 

If we're in a committed relationship, we don't feel much jealousy. We're a lot more secure than younger women. We can see younger women looking at our guys, but we've usually developed enough self-esteem not to worry about it.

 

2) Were there any break ups? If so, why?

As above

 

3) How did you two develop better trust with each other?

 

Just checking in without being in obsessive constant contact. Sharing solid facts about where we'd been and what we'd been doing when we did meet up. If he'd met up with a female friend for example, he'd tell me a bit about their history, how they knew each other, sometimes even show me their Facebook profile without me asking. Basically, don't give them any reason to distrust you.

[etmarsgirl]

My mom is 8 years older than my dad, they were married 29 years before getting an amicable divorce. I don't know if thats a "success" story persay, but they were happy for most of that time.

[rippedinsides]

I'm 10 years older than the man I'm dating, and we plan to get married in a year or two, once we work out some things we've planned for the future. We've had a few ups and downs where I rejected him because of our age gap, but later realized that I really couldn't find a better person to live the rest of my life with. He worked on drawing me out and getting to know me for more than a year and a half, and honestly, he's a much better man than many men I've known who are closer to my age. While the difference in she was a barrier initially, we've learned to handle this by understanding what BOTH of us feel about it and it's no longer a concern. We both strongly believe that age really doesn't matter, as long you love each other, understand each other and communicate well. Relationships with people of the same age don't necessarily work out (witness the many stories on this forum), and the rule of a successful relationship is love, respect and effort to keep the flames alive.

 

For many women dating a younger man, feelings of insecurity creep in especially if the age gap is huge. You might be at a point of life where you're not ready for a commitment, whereas she's looking for one. This can cause problems, especially if bit of you haven't communicated clearly what you want out of the relationship. In some cases, problems might arise if you are at different emotional levels. It varies with each couple.

 

To answer your questions..

1. Jealousy isn't a major problem unless you've made her feel insecure by flirting with others, especially with younger women. This might make her feel that your age gap is an obstacle, and that you might not stick around and may leave her for someone younger. But on the whole, we tend to deal with jealousy much better.

 

2. Breakups...well, the reasons are more or less the same. Every woman wants to be loved and treated well. If a woman feels she's not getting that out of a relationship, she might choose to leave the relationship. This extends beyond age gap relationships and is common with most women.

 

3. Open communication, mutual respect, love, and respecting personal boundaries. Be clear as to what you want out of the relationship and never keep her hanging, not knowing where she stands. When both parties feel secure and safe in a relationship, developing trust is easier.

[saraflower]

The way I see it, guys in their 20's are in relationships all the time and not all women in their 30's want to settle down and have kids. I never understood the whole "He's just figuring his life out at age 25" when a lot of guys at 25 work full time and have a girlfriend around his age. I find that for a lot of people in big cities, the line blurs from about age 25-35 where a lot of people are very career and goal oriented and family comes secondary.

I don't have a personal happy ending for a younger man/older woman scenario yet. I married a 20 year old guy when I was 23; it didn't work out because he wanted kids and then he became abusive - in a lot of ways, he acted a lot older than me and I couldn't handle it. I rarely seem to hit it off or have chemistry with guys older than me. I hope my happy ending will be with a twenty-something guy in a couple of years.

I don't know if I understand that question of jealousy, though. If a woman is in shape and ages slowly, she's not going to be all that jealous of younger women. Jealousy only strikes a woman (at any age) if she feels that her boyfriend has eyes wandering elsewhere. That can be cause for alarm.

[mantragrrl]

Copying and pasting from another thread:

 

I'm 44 and it's been a challenge with a guy who is 27. Mostly because I'm at the end of my fertility, and he's not ready for children. We have a lot in common professionally and hobbies, so we have a wonderful time together whether it is weekends away, dinners, working out, etc. I've known him for over a year, yet he does travel a lot or get sent overseas for months at a time for work, so it's not stable.

 

It's just tough because I also don't want to know who he is flirting with, etc.

 

I have been involved with 22 year olds, but for the most part, men really mature a lot in their 20s. The 22 year olds usually were in such a different stage of life: college, etc. Late 20s guys usually are out working like I am.

 

Guys in their 30s all seem to be looking for younger women when I try to go that route, and the ones in their 40s have baggage/paying so much alimony the they are jaded, and the dates aren't even fun. It's just all about the guy talking about his horrible ex-wives. So I feel really trapped now. I feel that the older I get, the guys who pursue the most are younger and younger. If I go to online dating, I get a ton of messages from guys age 23-26, and very few from over 30.

 

I've been the happiest with this guy as when we are together it's amazing, yet there is also heartbreak when he goes away. I also don't want to tie him down to met exclusively and miss out on his youth, as I did getting married at a young age. So there are good and negative points

[Torren94]

I'm currently dating a woman 10 yrs my senior and it's the best relationship I've ever been in. We're only about 5 months into it but she is my best friend and the best lover I've ever had. We do have issues with family on both sides not being supportive so there are a few flaws and challenges. We're working at them together..... I think.

[spandora]

Copying and pasting from another thread:

 

I'm 44 and it's been a challenge with a guy who is 27. Mostly because I'm at the end of my fertility, and he's not ready for children. We have a lot in common professionally and hobbies, so we have a wonderful time together whether it is weekends away, dinners, working out, etc. I've known him for over a year, yet he does travel a lot or get sent overseas for months at a time for work, so it's not stable.

 

It's just tough because I also don't want to know who he is flirting with, etc.

 

I have been involved with 22 year olds, but for the most part, men really mature a lot in their 20s. The 22 year olds usually were in such a different stage of life: college, etc. Late 20s guys usually are out working like I am.

 

Guys in their 30s all seem to be looking for younger women when I try to go that route, and the ones in their 40s have baggage/paying so much alimony the they are jaded, and the dates aren't even fun. It's just all about the guy talking about his horrible ex-wives. So I feel really trapped now. I feel that the older I get, the guys who pursue the most are younger and younger. If I go to online dating, I get a ton of messages from guys age 23-26, and very few from over 30.

 

I've been the happiest with this guy as when we are together it's amazing, yet there is also heartbreak when he goes away. I also don't want to tie him down to met exclusively and miss out on his youth, as I did getting married at a young age. So there are good and negative points

 

I can totally relate to everything you've said. I'm 48. Got divorced, out of a 10 yr marriage, at 38. Since then, I've had 3 serious relationships with guys in their 20s. I'm not talking, just casual sex. And all 3 times, they pursued me. When I go to bars, it's younger guys who approach me. I do get older men approaching me on online dating sites, but I often find I don't have much in common with them, because I do not act my age. Nor do I look my age.

 

Right now I'm in love with a guy I've been seeing for 6 months who's 29. He has already screwed up--wanted a 3way with an ex lover, who's also older. But I think part of the problem is he didn't take this relationship seriously at first because of the 20 yr age gap, so he thought it was casual. Meanwhile, it's looking like we've both developed feelings for each other, and we're not sure where to go from here.

 

Neither one of us wants to let go of the other, yet he is doubtful of the longterm viability of our rel'ship because eventually, he says he will want something more longterm with someone closer to his own age.

 

And then there's the whole society backlash. Seems like it's perfectly fine for a 50 yr old or older, to marry a woman in her 20s. But for us? People can't handle it