Why did my girlfriend cheat on me then tell me she loves me?

[anony123]

I can't understand this, and I don't know what to do. I have been in, what I thought, was a close relationship for 3 years now. Over the past year or so my girlfriend had been acting strange, slowly becoming more distant and stubborn in everything.

 

I just found out that she has been making out with a 'friend' that she has liked since the 10th grade (We are now both juniors in college) for the past two weeks.

 

She told me, in tears. She said it made her understand how much she actually appreciates me, and that she didn't really know what she wanted until now.. and it's me. She felt so guilty she said. All of this yet she kept it up for two weeks... She blatantly lied to me multiple times over these weeks. I called and he was even over there once. She says all they did was kiss and console each other. I'm not even sure about that. I don't know what to believe anymore. I DO believe she feels horrible and does want me back... She said before she felt like I was her "safety net". But now that she truly understands what love is, and does love me..

 

I don't know what to feel.. I'm so angry, but strangely, not at her. Just angry. Also horribly depressed.. somebody with any advice.. please help.

[StillLoveHer]

Ahh yes, its very hard.. You don't have it so bad though, try waiting 2 months and not hearing it until your wife leaves and wants to work things out...

 

 

She told you what happened, it took 2 weeks because she didn't want to hurt you and most likely didn't know how to tell you.. We are all human we make mistakes...

[anony123]

I'm just scared that it could happen again. She completely broke all trust and had no difficulty keeping the lie going for two weeks.... She was at my house one week ago. I knew something was not right so I asked her very simply: "Will you always be mine?" and she answered straight faced, yes.. always"..

 

Not only that but she KEPT IT UP for two weeks. She could have realized she made a mistake then told me a couple of weeks later.. But she kept it up until the day before she told me.

 

She has agreed to never talk to or see the person again. She told him through a third party friend. I still don't know what to do..

[StillLoveHer]

Where is she right now? She came back to you right? just forget about the past and think towards the future..

[anony123]

She did come back. I believe she loves me, maybe even more than before, now. I think I also love her. You don't think that somebody that did this once might likely do it again? I'm 22. I can meet girls without much trouble. I love her, but I can't spend my life with somebody who is going to hurt me over and over..

[Always Hopeful]

I had a situation happen to me that, if not exactly alike, made me feel the way I think you feel right now.

 

I met a woman who was, at first, amazing. Bright, intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, she was a wonderful woman. We were both involved with other people at the time, so I wouldn't say it was "perfect," but in all, what we felt was magical. Things came to a peak in December when we told each other we loved each other. I thought things couldn't be better.

 

When the new year came along, everything changed. She became distant and cold. It was difficult having conversations with her because everything I said started to be picked apart and analyzed. It seemed as though there was no desire to continue conversations on her part. She stopped laughing at my jokes (I'm no comedian, but she used to laugh at my siliness).

 

I noticed that she was spending more time talking with my other friends. I could hear her laugh at their stupid jokes, do things and plan events with them, she would sometimes not even pay attention to me. She said she still loved me, but she was never quite the same person. I felt very betrayed and very lonely.

 

After weeks and months of this, it all came to a head, and we broke up rather acrimoniously. We still do not talk to each other. It is really quite sad. My heart is still broken, and I still feel betrayed. In my eyes, she has turned from the beautiful, sensitive and intelligent woman to a really cruel, cold, angry, bitter and quite unattractive person. I'm beginning to think I was used, that she shopped around and found a better "model," and decided to put the burden of the break-up on me to clear her conscious of the things that she did to sabotage the relationship. I think the person I thought she was was not her true self, that what I am seeing now is her true self.

 

What am I saying? Trust your instincts. Although you say you are angry, but not at her, what are you really saying? I believe you are angry at her, but can't get yourself over the hump of believing that the person you loved could hurt you in the way she has, so you say you're not angry at her. I believe that you are angry at her, and you know what, there is nothing wrong with that in my book.

 

Although I did not want to believe it at first in my relationship, actions do speak louder than words. My ex said she loved me, but did not want to spend time with me anymore. She said she respected me, but did not want to do anything with me, she instead did a lot of activities with other people. She said she would always be my soulmate, but stopped discussing with me those things about our lives that were important to us...instead she started to have these talks with others. She said she loved my music, but stopped listening to them and started to listen to other people's music, copying their CDs etc. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

 

My ex destroyed my sense of peace, something that I am slowly trying to recover. I'm not there yet, and it may take years for that to happen. I am constantly in a state of emotional flux, and I am tired.

 

Avoid what I did, trying to make myself believe that things were cool. It only made the reality hurt that much more, and I'm still paying for it. Trust your instincts and the signs. My advice, go out and find someone who truly respects and loves you, who makes you feel good about yourself and what you are trying to accomplish in your relationship. You need a partner, not a pain.

[DealingWithIt]

I have a question for you....Do you think you can trust her now that she told you about it? Or do you think you'll always have doubts in your head since she kept this secret from you for two weeks and that she acted like nothing was going on up until she tearfully confessed?

 

Speaking from experience...I will tell you to trust your instincts. If you sense that you will have doubts about her "faithfulness" then I think you should ask yourself honestly if you want to risk getting hurt again.

 

I myself trusted and believed what my now ex told me eventhough I had doubts....needless to say, I was deeply hurt by him and I know that I deserve better than to be with a cheater like him.

[anony123]

That's the exact reason I'm posting here. At first I DID trust her, and believe her. I do still believe she will be honest now. The only reason I'm unsure is because of that voice of logic in me that tells me that people that do these things, do them again.

 

My instinct says trust, my mind says get away from her. Its not easy.

[Pengui6668]

annoy, honestly, she's a lying slut. leave it at that. drop her ass. she chaeated once and she'll do it again... my ex sure did... made me hate her more and more, ruined everything in the relationship... if she "loves" you she doesn't need anyone else.. that's the end of the story.

[FissionX]

Damn thats cold...

[Always Hopeful]

I've been told that once a woman's heart changes, you can't ever change it back. I think that is true. Once the emotional connection is lost, it's lost. Guys like to reason it out, think it through, but I'm not sure if women do that in terms of relationships (okay women, flame away).

 

For me, I think my ex found other people that satisfied her needs better than I could. Whether conscious or not, she changed, and I paid the price for her change. The thing that infuriated me was that she did not recognize or want to recognize what she was doing to me. She denied a lot of things. Some were large, some were small, but in total all those things ripped me apart. She devastated me. All the while she said she still loved me, that we were soulmates, that I had changed, etc. etc. If I was all those things to her, why did she not want to spend time with me anymore? Why would she not let me carry her bags for her, but let other men do that? Why did she start to criticize my music and start listening to other men's music? Why did she start making plans with other men before making plans with me? Why didn't she ever call me? Why was I the last one to know about the things going on in her life?

 

The questions just became larger and larger. She lied to me. She denied the pain she was causing me. She betrayed me. She abandoned me. She did not love me. She and I, we are not soulmates. She is cruel. She is materialistic. She is manipulative. She is a thoughtless and careless. AND I HATE HER! I WISH SHE WOULD JUST LEAVE AND GO FAR AWAY!

 

The sad thing is, that she is lining up her men...and they do not know her true self. That's always the kicker isn't it. For every sucker like me, there are 10,000 others lining up for the chance at a pretty woman like her. I wish them all goodluck.

 

Don't be like me. Do everything you can to end that which is already over. Move on. Go on.

[speedracer24]

Trust is a very important issue in any relationship, so you would probably be better off staying away from her. How serious were the two of you? I know you said that you were together for 3 years, but had you two make any serious plans for the future? Also, how long had she and the other guy know each other? Letting her go is probably the best option, but I may be able to help you more if I have a little more background info.

[caliboy]

I have had some trust issues with my ex too. She lied to a guy she was with before me - telling him she was a virgin when she wasn't. And she's lied to me about things since she broke up with me. So I've got to wonder what she lied about when we were together. We were very close: together for almost 2 years and living together for a year. We talked about getting engaged and married, were (and still are) best friends along with everything else that makes a couple so close.

 

It sucks, cause I care about the girl a lot, and I know that she cares about me, but she just has this lying problem. It's horrible, cause I think she lies to everyone and all it's going to do is come back to hurt her. I fear that she may not have anyone to be honest with her about this. I know that if someone truly cares about someone else, they would tell them the butal truth about things. I know that's how my parents and really good friends are with me.

 

Everytime I try to talk to my ex about something, she just gets angry and defensive. She's immature and needs to grow up. In fact, the last time I talked to her I told her to grow up and then give me a call. But I feel as though I should've gone into detail as to why she needs to grow up. Sometimes I just want to scream at her and tell her to stop lieing to people, but I know this isn't the best approach. I'm also afraid that if I tell her to stop lying that she'll just be immature and get mad and go out and keep doing it.

 

What's the best way to tell these people what's up about what they're doing. I don't want to be her father, but I care about her and I don't want her to continue this trend and get hurt in the end.