Together over 9 months and still no "I love you"

[liz22]

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Mr. B]

...something may be wrong, or he wants to be really sure before he says it, in which case several months may go by...although nine is more than enough in my limited experience.

[BushCheney04]

I know this is gonna sound harsh...but the real reason he doesn't say "I love you" is because he doesn't. He wants to move into a bigger place with you because he's getting it for free. You're the able and willing female, he's the able and willing selfish guy. This is who he is. This is what he's about. You want traditional love and romance but when you move in with a guy who just wants a convenient screw, why are you surprised with his lack of attention to romantic detail? Wise up and dump this loser. You can do better. You DESERVE better. Nine months isn't an eternity when you're trying to find "the one". It is when you you're married with three kids and he's still the same 'ol same 'ol. Listen, he's played his cards, they're on the table face-up. Are you going to walk away or stick around and lose some more emotional investment?

[Caldus]

I think the above poster is right. If he can't say he loves you after that much time than something is up. You really need to have a serious discussion with him about this.

[long_for_me]

He may just need time. I was badly hurt by a guy to whom I said that I loved him for the first time. It happened when I was in high school, but ever since I have had a really hard time saying "I love you" to my boyfriends, even if I do love them. I feel blocked and the words just do not come easy. It took me a year and a half to say "I love you" to my current boyfriend.

 

Give him the credit of being an honest guy. It may be linked to his past and not only to his feelings about you.

 

 

Good luck!

[kelsey7210]

just talk to him about it and tell him how you feel

[MickeyD]

Not saying I love you shouldn't be a big deal. Does he show how he feels about you in other ways?

 

Some people get hurt and have trouble saying it. If you're happy with the relationship otherwise, just talk to him about it and give him time to say it. Don't force anything on him.

[shuntaro603]

Maybe he is afraid commitment. But I dont understand why. You guys are living together. Tell him how you feel and find out why.....

[johnagent1911]

Ask him about this...

[jeffbillie]

I think he's just not ready to say it. I definetly don't think that he is using you. Because what kind of person could be so wrong to use somebody else but be honest enough not to say I love you. If I were going to use you I would say I love you because then it would be even easier to use you if I tell you that I love you. Just tell him how it makes you feel and if the first thing he says is that he's sorry it bothers you, it should show you the first thing he thinks about is YOUR feelings. My guess is he probably said I love you really early in one of his past relationships and the girl he said it to used him because she knew she had control of the relationship.

[mt_joy]

I agree with bush/cheney. You're living together and he can't say I love you? Then he doesn't. Don't force him to say it. He may be afriad of "love." But he needs to get over whatever his fear of. You're living together. The only thing more serious is marriage. Good luck.

[AlleyCat]

This is tricky. I can't imagine living with a guy if I didn't feel loved. (It took almost 6 years and a whole lot of "I love you's" before I moved in with my b/f...).

 

If you're just worried because he hasn't said the words, I think that is easier to deal with. Think about how you feel about the rest of the relationship. Do you feel loved, even though he hasn't actually told you that he loves you? He may just be afraid of saying those words. If that's the case, then he'll probably come around eventually. As someone else suggested, he may have been hurt in a past relationship, or he just may not understand what it means to be in love. Try talking to him about his feelings for you. His feelings just might coincide with your view on what it means to love someone.