should she be my girlfriend?

[Ryan]

This is a simple story of cheating and trusting which i am almost sure all of you have dealt with at one time or another. My girlfriend who i have been with for about a year and sixth months cheated on me in the first sixth months. Also at the beginning of our relationship I was so nice to her and treated her as if she were royalty, while I was yet not given the same respect. Also again a little of base, she has what you would say an undignified past. What I mean is she was a partier (Which I despise) who had many experiences. When she cheated on me she was away at a function. I suspected something while she was away and asked her repeatedly when she retearned. Very casually replying no for 4 months then coming clean she did cheat on me and said the reason she lied is becuase she knew that I would break up with her. I told her what she would have to do then, which was absolutely nothing what I mean is I made her call me she couldnt talk to anyone or do anything I had more survalence over her than an airport. I also slit the throat of the innocent and nice person I use to be. I am very stern with her now and she still complies with my very socialistic criteria, which she thinks is a method of gaining my trust. At the beginning of the relationship she lied a lot an after all of the things I have gone through with her about her cheating and her past I am rethinking our status as boyfriend and girlfriend. I would just like some advice as to what I should consider.

 

 

Thank you for your time, Ryan

[goddess23]

wow, i cannot imagine doing that to a guy or being a guy and taking that. i dont know, do you really love her? or is it just hard to let go? honestly i dont know the details of your relationship but if you're questioning it, with good reason i think it's time to call it quits. honestly it seems it was never a very healthy relationship, and if you cant trust her then thats a MAJOR problem. mutual respect, another major componant to a good relationshipo. seriously i think you have a right to re evaluate your relationshipo, and it might be best to give it a rest and see if theres something better out there for the both of you (which im postitive ther is). as i said im not you or her, so i dont know how bad the situation is, but from what youve said, it seems like the perfect recipe for hurt.

[sisterlynch]

It sounds like you are doing a good job, right now on your own. What do you want advice about? Do you now want to break up with her? Now that she is treating you better? Are you finding that this is using up a lot of energy?

[Esh]

dude i been in that boat....and it sucks cause on one hand cheated on you and on the other she is everything you ever wanted....but i would have to dump her man...people are either in your life for a reason or a season....dude trust me u will find someone else

[heart4chris]

Noone should EVER have to put up with being cheated on. After being cheated on you lose all trust for that person and its hard to get it back. Without trust there really is no relationship.... if you're questioning it, it is best to get out of it now.

 

I know its hard to let someone go after a year and a half, but sometimes its for the best. People come into our lives for reason... even though you may not know the reason now, someday you'll find out.... maybe one day you'll realize that this girl is on;y in your life to point out to you what you REALLY need and want out of a relationship. Im sure you don't want a person who you can't trust, who you are always having to watch.. ect.

 

Maybe its time for you to explore your options....

[heart4chris]

As in options I mean... explore what else is out there.... find out if there really is something out there better for you... .You never know.. you could be swept off your feet.......

[BrandonBo]

well its good she came clean in the first place that takes alot i would be furious too but u also have to respect she came clean slowly as time moves on loosen the ropes a lil to show her u care enough to trust her becuase everyone knows u cnat have a relationship without trust good luck with her

[Exocet]

If she cheats on you, knowing that it is wrong, is it love?

 

If you chain her to your ideals, expecting her to comply to your each and every demand, is it love?

 

Sad to say, the answer to both questions is no. I believe trust is a very important (if not the most important) aspect of a relationship. Once it is broken, the relationship will never be the same again. There will always be that niggling suspicion at the back of your mind that slowly poisons your thoughts.

 

What you do after such an episode is entirely up to you. However what I feel is that if you chain her too tightly, one day she will break free again.

[Celadon]

It sounds to me like you're having doubts about this relationship because of her past. If you can accept that she was a party-er, and continued to be until she "settled" down, then you'll have a chance at a loving relationship. But if that's always something that will bother you, then might as well cut the chord now.

 

Please know that I understand your situation. I dated a guy who admitted to me that he went out with a woman for a year just because he wanted sex. (A bad reason, in my book.) I tried to have a relationship with him anyway because we matched up in many ways -- but I realize I never did trust him. In the end, I started to wonder if he was just using ME in some way.

 

Don't know if you've had a talk with your gf about these issues, but if not, I suggest you do. It'll clarify if you two want to have a relationship of equality, or continue this dictator/follower thing, or just break up. Good luck.