I just can't accept it.

[opalmind]

I’m coping with the break up a bit more but I’m still not at the place I want to be. The last 3 months have been a mess, we broke up got back together and broke up I don’t know how many times. I can’t even really remember the day when it completely stopped for good. But I guess that doesn’t matter, the point is that it’s over for good this time.

 

None of this makes sense. For the first month of the break up I felt okay, I was so done with him treating me like . But then I went and got drunk on nye and having all those couples around me got me thinking, and loads of people at the party kept asking me about him and I just broke down and contacted him after nearly 3 weeks nc, obviously he just told me to go away and a load of other horrible things, it was like the break up had only just happened.

 

I cried every single day near enough all the time from new year’s day up until Monday, I haven’t left my room yet, but I’ve stopped crying as much. I’ve been eating a lot more too. I haven’t gone into college yet and I’ve tried to make plans with friends but then bailed at the last minute. One major improvement is that I don’t feel like dying quite so much. I was extremely suicidal for the first few days, but I don’t think of it as much. Although I am sleeping an awful lot because that’s like being dead just without the permanence and my ex is often in my dreams and I guess it’s nice to see him and pretend that reality is all just a bad dream…

 

I don’t want him back, I don’t even want him as a friend in the future because of some of the things that he did (I’m not saying that I did nothing wrong) so yeah I want to start moving on, but the first stage in moving on is accepting the break up and even though I feel like I have 5 minutes later I’m back to thinking of what it would be like if we got back together and if it could work, and how to get it to happen. I’ll be doing something and a random memory of him or us together will pop into my head, 24/7, and he’s been in my dreams every single night now for the past week.

 

I just can’t seem to let him go, and I don’t think that I want to.

 

I just don’t know how to accept it or move on? I just feel disappointed in myself for contacting him and putting myself back into a state of feeling like this again. I’m feeling a little better but I just feel stuck in a rut right now because until I accept it I can’t move on.

[mhowe]

Google the 5 stages of grief...which is what you are doing. Acceptance comes last.

 

You have already hit denial...and bargaining (breaking NC and calling). Next comes anger.

Get it..use it...fuel it. And get to class. Don't let this idiot affect your GPA.

[Tanzi]

First of all, stop being so hard on yourself. It's only been 3 months and even then you were back and forth. Also, you aren't the first person to contact an ex after a few too many drinks and you won't be the last! Learn from it.

 

Secondly, you have a process to go through and you have to accept that it will take some time. So be patient with yourself. How long it does take, however, depends on how pro-active you are towards your own healing. So get yourself back to college and don't bail on your friends next time. It's good to be busy and it's good to have another focus. Hiding yourself away in your bedroom isn't helping. You need to be surrounded by friends who can support you and just be there for you in the way friends are. Also it's giving you far too much time to think about him.

 

So get out and start clearing the emotional cobwebs from your head. Soon those 5 minutes where you aren't thinking about him will become 20, then 2 hours, then half a day and so on. The important thing is to keep yourself busy.

 

You can do this. You just have to start helping yourself.

[opalmind]

I've looked at the stages of grief and I understand that you go between the stages and that they're not stages that you check off and go on to the next one. But when do you draw the line? Like the depression stage, I've been in it for a week now, and it's starting to ease off, I feel like forcing myself to go out and 'just get over it' but then I'm also scared that if I do that then I'm not letting all of my feelings out and that it'll come back around and get me.

 

I feel like maybe I'm trying too hard to move on and to get it right so that it happens quicker even though I know it won't no matter what I do.

[mhowe]

You can't speed the process. Time...just time.

And yes...it is cyclical not linear and you circle back but the next run through the stage is shorter. You just push through...because there is no going back.

 

Picture you are drowning and swim toward shore. Rest when you need to...and then start swimming again.

[Snow93]

I've been there. If you broke up 3 months ago that means you broke up in the holiday season and (assuming you're north of the equator) nights get longer too. It happened to me and I think these last few months are are a really hard time to break up...Not that there's ever an easy time but yeah.

 

I've contacted my ex drunk in the past too. Like Blue said, you're not the first nor the last. Try to imprint into yourself that feeling you got when you contacted him and draw upon it whenever you get the urge again. That should be enough of a slap on the wrist to stop yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself and try not to cringe too much at yourself for whatever you may have said under the influence. If you contacted him via text, I suggest deleting them. In my case I always find myself going back and analysing everything I or the ex says. It's pointless and a quick method to feel worse.

 

You're right about the stages. You'll drift between them a lot. Anger can be therapeutic in some ways, just don't be destructive or direct it to him by contact. Whenever I get angry I just write it down and get it all out or sometimes I'll just talk it out to myself (when I know nobody will hear me of course...)

 

Keep at it! It will get better eventually.