God foresaken loneliness

[mgirl]

Okay, i never thought i would post a topic like this, but has anybody ever felt god forsaken and lonely? I mean, people (mainly on here, because i would never tell anybody in real life), just so lonely they feel there is no point in going on? I hardly have any friends and even when i do, i cannot relate to them properly, i live on my own and know nobody in the units i live in, so have no friends here. I am 35 and haven't had a relationship since i was 27, and the last relationship i had was so abusive it's amazing one of us didn't end up in jail. I don't know, i'm sure there's more. I try to retain a positive outlook on life, but get sick of the "things will only get better" rhetoric, because, quite frankly, is there any proof that they will? It is all just rhetoric to me. And if somebody posts and says, "people care about you", that's not the point.

[thisisnotanexit]

proof...well, i may not be much, but i'm proof. you say 27 like you're pushing your deathbed. you've got YEARS ahead of you. don't give up yet. i had very similar feelings for a while, but "things CAN get better." rhretorical, maybe. but i say it can be very true. we're all here for you, and i know you don't believe/care, but we all do here care about you. you sound like a very independent and strong person..things will happen for you. just ttry to keep your head up. take care

 

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[thisisnotanexit]

proof...well, i may not be much, but i'm proof. you say 27 like you're pushing your deathbed. you've got YEARS ahead of you. don't give up yet. i had very similar feelings for a while, but "things CAN get better." rhretorical, maybe. but i say it can be very true. we're all here for you, and i know you don't believe/care, but we all do here care about you. you sound like a very independent and strong person..things will happen for you. just ttry to keep your head up. take care

 

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[tiger_lilies]

I understand what you mean about living alone. I do too and of course most of my close friends are married or have kids or have live in boyfriends, so they basically have their own lives to live which leaves me out in the cold.

 

I fight loneliness everyday...every hour. It can bring me to tears easily sitting at home, alone. I am not the suicidal type. I have always been the type of person to see the glass half full. But I completely understand what you mean by hardly have any friends and even when i do, i cannot relate to them properly, i live on my own and know nobody in the units i live in, so have no friends here.

 

Lately I've been thinking that no one seems to understand me. None of my friends do...sometimes I wonder if they even really know the true me? Hence why I feel desperate to find that someone who can understand me completely.

 

The only thing I've figured out so far about fighting the loneliness is getting out there and doing things...anything. I find that I have to make a huge effort to meet new people and try new things. For example, I joined a gym, I've recently taken up snowboarding, I've done some volunteer work...all of which have introduced me to new people...nobody special, but it takes up my time and I can socialize.

 

Plus, I try to hang out with anyone who isn't in a relationship. Single people tend to want to do more things than couples do. This of course doesn't take away the loneliness, but it does help. Basically, life is what you make of it. If you don't put forth any effort, you will find yourself more lonely than ever.

 

For me, it was hard to pick up the phone and call someone whom I haven't spoken to in a while. But surprizingly enough, most other people, especially single people will love your efforts.

[mgirl]

Thanks thisisnotanexit,

 

I will try to get through the scurge that is my life at the moment. My one and only friend has just started disrespecting me, this is what hurts. I will not put up with disrespect, and his friendship was the only thing keeping me going. Apart from that, i have nothing else to live for. Also, my mum used to constantly say that the reason she didn't have a career is because she had kids, and that she nearly died during the birth of me. That is not to mention all the things she used to say to me like i am 'selfish', 'bold', and 'beligerant', and i didn't even know what half of those words meant at the age of 10 or 11. When i was 11, she remarried this guy, who is really nice by the way, and forsaked her relationship with her children. We were strangers in our own house (for example, i couldn't even leave a shoe in the loungeroom) so it is no wonder i am feeling like sh*t. I think the trigger is i saw her the other day and all of a sudden she is trying to reach into a relationship again and it is too late for me. It just brings back all the feelings of rejection and neglect i felt all those years ago. Sometimes i wonder why she even had me and am beginning to think that it would have been better if I had have died during childbirth. I am also thinking maybe it was not meant to be that i am here on this earth, that i have pushed fate and that is why i am miserable. My mum did a lot of things not out of love. For example, she married my dad to 'get out of home' (that's what she always used to say), and i feel like if things are not done with love, they are not good. She also sent me to a private school when all i wanted to do was go to a public, art school, because 'my dad was offering to pay and she thought she might as well have taken it', when she should have just sent me to the school that was best for me.

 

Anyway, just having a bad day.

[Midvalley]

Its my understanding that all people are lonely deep down, even those who surround themselves with good company.

It doesnt mean you'll be unhappy though, I enjoy keeping to myself. Only love seems to cure my loneliness, or rather, make me forget it exists.

There are so many reasons to live, not involving other people, just realize that life has its good aspects and you'll only get to live once. Dont throw it away, even if it sucks its a one-of-a-kind thing.

[mgirl]

I have always been the type of person to see the glass half full.

 

Lately I've been thinking that no one seems to understand me. None of my friends do...sometimes I wonder if they even really know the true me? Hence why I feel desperate to find that someone who can understand me completely.

 

Hi tiger_lilies,

 

Thanks for your reply. I have always been the glass half full type too and have never been suicidal. In fact, i have always been afraid of death, but right now, the thought of dying seems much better than the thought of living, which worries me but doesn't scare me, but the fact that it doesn't scare me disturbs me, if that makes sense. I guess i have that problem also where i feel like lots of people know who i am, but only one person really understands me and sees me for who i really am, but he's started to disrespect me (i confided some stuff in him and now i feel like he thinks he can treat me like sh*t), so that could be the end of that (if it continues, the friendship will be over). As for all the rest of them, i don't think they see me for who i am either, so i can understand what you mean by this. I would rather somebody see me for who i am and hate me than somebody be fake and pretend that they like me or think that they like me. It is all just really sad.

 

They were good suggestions to get out and start doing more things. I have just started exercising yesterday, which is good (just walking, but it's a start). I got a bit too depressed to go to the gym. Also, i will be returning to uni this year, so that will keep me occupied. I guess i have had too much time on my hands. I also HATE where i live and am trying to find another place, but it is not opening up for me. This is further impacting on my state of mind. Oh, if only it was easy.

[mgirl]

Its my understanding that all people are lonely deep down, even those who surround themselves with good company.

It doesnt mean you'll be unhappy though, I enjoy keeping to myself. Only love seems to cure my loneliness, or rather, make me forget it exists.

There are so many reasons to live, not involving other people, just realize that life has its good aspects and you'll only get to live once. Dont throw it away, even if it sucks its a one-of-a-kind thing.

 

Hi Midvalley,

 

Yes, i can understand wanting to keep to yourself, i prefer to do this in some ways, but perhaps what you suggest is true, that we are all lonely deep down underneath, and your words, "only love seems to cure my loneliness", are so true.

[Midvalley]

Well thanks for agreeing =D

 

When I get lonely I just turn even more inward, I remember that im going to have to spend the rest of forever with myself. So I had better love myself above all else. Dying wouldnt cure my loneliness, unless I believed in a perfect afterlife in which I was always happy....then again, wouldnt that just become indifference?

 

Embrace any and all emotions good or bad, you cant change how you feel, only how you think, and fighting whats natural is a battle you're bound to lose. Just because you can only keep yourself, doesnt mean you're alone. Life or death have nothing to do with loneliness or any other emotion.

[thisisnotanexit]

don't let your mom win. don't let her treatment towards you take you over. don't let her get away with it. learn from her mistakes and prove that you are a better person than her. where your mom went wrong, go out and live and do things right. i too have a hard time with my mother. it's a very hard part of my life and probably the most stressful. but i just have to remind myself, even though she gave birth to me, she doesn't have the right to control the rest of my life. i am me, and i am going to live for me and learn from what she did wrong. it's ok to feel the way you're feeling, God knows i've felt that way too. so please, if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here. you are going to meet new people throughout your life and you're going to go far..just continue to stay strong. your life is no mistake, you are worth it. i want to see you live. take care, remember, you are really not alone. just take a few deep breahtes