I ended it and I feel like my life has ended.

[queenofebay]

Hi

 

I just joined this site, as I feel totally alone right now and I am not sure how I am going to carry on.

 

I have been with my fiancee for 3 and half years. The first 12 months were perfect, but then it all changed (very long story won't bore you).

 

The main problem that we have always had is that my fiancee does not communicate. I knew this when we got together but it has been a real problem and has never got any better. He doesn't commnicate with anyone, and just about with me at a push. We moved in together 8 months ago and all we have done since is argue and fall out and not speak. He has a problem with alcohol and that has alwas been a problem in our relationshiop

 

He is the most loving, kind and caring person, but when he drinks he is like a different person. I have had so many conversations with him about things but nothing ever changes.

 

I left for a week to try and give us some space and time to think. In that week he didn't contact me at all, bearing in mind he had no idea where I had gone. When i asked him why he said he hadn't got a charger for his phone (as I had taken it) and no internet. I feel like that is a pathetic excuse. If you really loved me and cared you would have done something. I finally went home to talk to him and basically it became apparent that he has never got over the death of his daughter and he behaves like this because it is his way of protecting me. I talked to him about it and told him that he was destroying us by his behaviour, but he ddn't seem to care. I gave him his ring back that night.

 

Since then we have avoided each other as best we can. Christmas has been awful and I feel like my whole world has come crashing down on me. I love him still thats the worst part, but i know there is no way we can have a future unless he gets help. He has text me randomly and we spoke last night for a couple of minutes. I so wanted to just hug and feel his arms around me again, but I know that is the easy way.

 

How do I carry on? I miss him so much and all I want is for us to be together, but if he isn't prepared to get help then I guess he does't love me enough to do that.

 

This is my fourt only relationship in my life, I feel like maybe it is me and that I am the problem. All i want is to be happy

[CraigHowes]

You were right to leave him and please don't blame yourself it's easy to do but you tried to love and care for this man.

 

He is dependent on alcohol and can't come to terms with the loss of his daughter. These are his issues to work through and not yours. Like you said if he is unwilling to get help there is nothing more you can do.

 

He is not in any emotional state to support a relationship let alone himself. I know you care for this man and want to be there for him as you had a connection with him. The best thing you can do for you and this man is to let him go.

 

He may conquer his demons or he may keep running from them. This is of no reflection on you and what you bring to a relationship.

 

It's going to hurt change always does but you need to be firm in your decision and have faith that a more emotionally secure man will enter your life.

 

Good luck.

[JGintheOC]

I agree, you are right to live. You miss the potential you hoped he could have become. But what you have been in a relationship with a guy who has taken you for granted. It has been nothing but a one sided relationship. So what if he threw the words and actions you wanted to hear occasionally but he has never been there when you needed him the most and didn't even bother looking for you when you were gone. What if you didn't leave and something happened to you instead? There he is just sitting there not wondering where you were.

 

How can you love someone who's been nothing but selfish.

[catfeeder]

[...] You miss the potential you hoped he could have become. [...]

 

This is spot on. You've decided to show yourself the difference between your idealized fantasies 'about' the guy versus the reality of who he actually is.

 

This doesn't make him a villain, but a closed-up guy with a drinking problem isn't going to make you (or anyone else) happy.

 

Don't you deserve to find love with someone who's healthy enough to give it to you?

 

Head high, and hang in there. You've made the right choice.