Dreams

[rich1]

I've been doing better lately. I keep telling myself that its only been a week, but I accept that its over now - no going back. I know our relationship wasn't right, and I feel bad because breakups are like having withdrawal from a drug.

 

The company Xmas party was Friday, she was looking like she was having a blast, so I let my hair down and did the same, had a few drinks, chased a girl who is way out of my league and laughed lots. (Drunk text ex saying I hoped she was OK - silly boy)

 

Last night was horrible. I had a very vivid dream in which I kissed her, then awoke abruptly to find that the hand on my face was my own, the hand on my hip was my own. And now this morning the pit in my stomach is back worse than ever.

 

I'm over the crying all day phase, and it sucks because at least that made me feel better. I can't seem to shift the bad feeling.

[CraigHowes]

First of all you can't be aware of what she is doing it will not help you in anyway what so ever. It's like playing a broken record over and over again it will just drive you mad.

 

Please delete her number and any tool of communication you could possibly have with her. Drunk txting is the biggest mistake going in terms of breakups but forgive yourself it's a hard time. What you want to do is bow out gracefully and give them the chance to miss you.

 

Also it's only been a week chasing girls when your in this hightened emotional state is one not fair on them and two it won't make you feel any better.

 

Nows the time to be alone, process the loss, work on any issues that you need to, and learn how to be happy by yourself again. I mean you were happy before you met her right? And you'll be happy again but there's no rush.

 

The sooner you cut all contact the sooner you mind will become clearer and the sooner you'll heal.

 

Give yourself time and be happy for yourself before anyone else.

[Kadbanoo]

I agree with what Craig has written - Take this time to be alone and process the loss and don't try to start another relationship or fling. I'm four months post-breakup, spent the first month in the 'crying all day' phase and still cried daily for about three months. It was finally when I moved out of our shared apartment that time and physically moving assuaged the pain. Don't be hard on yourself that you can stop these bad feelings so quickly - it takes time! I remember having vivid dreams the first month, as well, and thought "My god, can't I just get a little peace in my sleep??"

 

DO cut contact with her - my ex wanted to be friends the first month and it was too painful for me because I wanted the relationship back so I went NC to heal myself (not to make him miss me). It IS like a drug, withdrawing from the contact but it really does help. I cannot emphasize this enough! And really be strong with it and stick to it.

 

My ex did not respect my request for NC and contacted me after the first three weeks. I foolishly saw him and this led to an argument that set me back almost to zero in terms of healing. My emotions were still too raw and fresh to see him and I said things I regretted. He then asked me to not contact him, which actually was a blessing in disguise because any time I felt tempted to contact him (How are you?, interesting news story, etc), I didn't because I was respecting his wish. Not being in contact really helped in the healing/moving on process. That was 2.5 months ago and I have ignored a couple terse/annoyed emails from him and kept moving on.

 

We just saw each other again for the first time at work. I was friendly and cordial (even though I was the one who was dumped) because it seemed the polite thing to do and I was finally getting to the"other side" of the pain and grief, but he was still annoyed and not happy to see me and it set me back again again. I'm still too emotional to deal with his negative feelings and it reinforced the importance of NC.

 

Since you do work with your ex, as I do, if it's possible avoid anywhere you might see her. We are both professors and I would get the weekly classroom assignments and avoid anywhere he might be, I avoided the area where is office was at all costs, I RSVPd to our university xmas party only when I knew he wasn't going to be there and was able to avoid seeing him until last Friday.

 

So I cannot emphasize enough the advice you will read her about NC. It's not a strategy to make someone miss you or to get them back - it is truly a tool to help you heal and process the pain and loss and it works. That doesn't mean you'll never speak to your ex again (we never know what life will bring us) but use this time to heal yourself. Do not be hard on yourself if you think you're not moving on fast enough... it takes time.

 

I encourage you to find a good therapist and a couple of good friends that you can be open and honest with and speak to any time you need to. I was lucky to have two good friends that I could call any time for any reason and they listened over and over to me, with support and without judgement. One day, this truly will get easier!

[rich1]

Yeah I intend to go NC, only problem is there is a house to sell and bills to pay that require us being in touch. (I also know her number by heart, need to leave the phone at home when I go out I think!)

 

I have my first appointment with my therapist tomorrow, hoping to learn better coping skills and really learn from what went wrong.

[No1]

Dreams are dreams and mean absolutely nothing. They are random electrical impulses that your mind tries to make sense of. I have the most vivid dreams and I wake up saying.. 'whoa..that was strange' but I dont give any more thought to them..

Dont dwell on them.. just move on