So confused

[Marty]

Things are just getting more and more confusing for me. We have spent the past few nights together. Going for walks and watching tv together and talking a lot. It feels great when we are together and I got the impression she felt the same. But last night she removed her relationship status on facebook. I know it's not that big a thing but it feels like she's trying to tell me there's no chance. That's understandable. I knew she didn't think it could work and she knows I'm waiting for her to realize we are perfect together. But not only did she remove her relationship status. On the same night she told me she's getting me a Christmas present. again nothing big but the 2 things on the same night is just confusing the hell out of me.

[SooSad33]

Confused? Are you together? Let that be a factor in this.

 

Don't pay attention to social media.

 

If she thought the same- that you're perfect together, would you be apart?

Don't over think things too much.

 

You can tell in their actions.. not words. She could just be doing this to make herself look good. Backing away slowly.. dragging you along.

 

Unless she says she wants to try again, there really should be no more interactions. So YOU don't keep getting hurt.

This is why No contact is highly suggested. Less contact the better in order to work on accepting & start working on healing.

[Marty]

It's not the social Medea aspect that's confused me. It was to be expected. It's the complete mix of signals. Yes nc may be easier but I'm not going to do that. If that means I get hurt over and over then so be it. What works for 1 person may not more for another. I'm just looking for people's thoughts are on why the complete mix of signals

[CraigHowes]

Why allow yourself to be someone's option when you could be someone's everything.

 

We all have a right to know where a situation is heading. Straight up ask her what do you see me as and where do you see this going? If she says i don't know then you have your answer.

 

If you don't want to go NC then that's up to you it's your life. However be warned the people on this forum are experienced and wise on these matters. You have all the control over your life and no one is doing anything to you. Your doing this to to yourself by not taking action.

 

If you continue on this path she will lose respect and dignity for you and see you as a weak individual and you'll never get her back.

 

Be strong and firm and take control of your life. The mixed signals will fly out the window if you ask the questions.

[SooSad33]

If she's hot/cold it's because she's confused.

She could be doing this to be 'nice' to you on letting you down easier.

 

Not all just run away and never talk to you again. Break up's can be hard.. on both. It's either she wants you or she doesn't.

If not? Why keep letting her drag you along?

[mhowe]

The mix signals are that she hates to kick puppies. So she let's the world know she is single and available and she cuddles you and gives you treats. And weans you off slowly until one say she can't take it anymore and tells you....see, I knew this wouldn't work.

 

So...you can play the puppy...waiting for scraps.of attention. Or you can stand up for yourself and accept the break up.

[Marty]

I guess that all makes sense. But I think the only people that know we are broken up is each of our parents. She's not running out and telling the world. She found a way to remove her relationship status without it being obvious and with the christmas thing. I'm leaving for work in the next few days so she won't see me again till just before Christmas. At the earliest. I'm not going to be hanging about every day. So why even tell me

[mhowe]

Guilt. And your questioning of her every action and motive suggests you are just not accepting it is over.

[Marty]

I'm not accepting it. I'm not going to try and hide that. It doesn't feel like it's over. I've been through breakups before and when they were over it was obviouse. It felt over. This just feels different in some way

[mhowe]

Because she is rippi g the bandaid off slowly. She feels guilty.

 

The end result is the same.

[Marty]

If it's the same then it's the same. I know that I would always wonder "what if" if I didn't try.

[mhowe]

Its fine that you are trying...she isn't. She is just letting you try until you give up.

 

Its kind of sad.

[Marty]

It is I agree. But Its something I feel I've got to do. I'm not being desperate or begging or anything like that. I wouldn't do that I have been considering telling her that when I get home in a month I'm going to ask her out. And that if she says yes then we will try. If she says no then we won't.