My life is always awful....

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

I cant help it, I just want to die... I have no one.... all of my friends are backstabbers except one... and he lies to me a lot and makes me feel bad by the things he does. I hate my body, I'm fat and I hate how much hair I have on my chest and stomach, and its coming in on my back, im only 13... it has driven me into depression and almost to the point of ending it all.

 

I think I'm jelous of my friend because he's cut and tan and doesn't have any hair on him at all..... (except his head) and hes 14. I cant go to the pool or take my shirt off or anything anywhere I go, I can't go to the beach anymore or dress out in gym... It's hurting me just writing about it. Why is my friend so lucky? now i hate him too....

 

I dont have any brothers or sisters (well i do but they are older and married) and never have anything to talk to my parents about because they just zone me out. I hardly ever get to talk to my one TRUE friend because hes always in trouble for picking on his twin sister because she has a growth problem. And it makes me mad because he does so bad in school but all he's worried about it buildign his body and muscles and getting tan and all....

 

He came over yesterday and talked to me and he was changing in front of me and it made me feel so terrible. Then he sat down and started saying how bad he couldnt wait until this summer to go to the pool and show off in front of all the girls and stuff and my heart broke right there.... and i started crying, and I NEVER cry.... especially in front of another guy. So i laid down on the couch and went to sleep. It hurts so bad - i feel so lonely and I cant ever do anythin to have fun, and I hate being jelous of my friend and hating him because he has something good. No matter who i'm friends with its always the same - i get jelous.

 

I cut myself once, but almost passed out because when i see my own blood it freaks me out. I had a gun 3 times... but that just didnt seem like the right thing to do. I am a churchgoing person and I know that I shouldnt kill myself. But i really need some help because I always want to die for these reasons. please... someone.... anyone.... help.....

[enotjcalone]

Do research at the library? Do you have the internet? There's plenty of info. on the net that could help you with weight loss. But if you don't you could try eating lower in fat, and substitute more vegetables and fruits into your meals. Maybe do some weight training to get more buffed.

You should really try to stop being so jealous all the time and instead be inspired to look better. If he's your friend you should be happy that he's happy with his looks. Maybe he could help you with getting fitter?

You could always rid excess hair. It's not that big of a problem. Buy some wax or some hair removal products in the beauty section of stores.

If you don't like your friends, get new ones. Just be talkative and friendly to other people and you'll make friends in no time.

[SaSaRai]

yeah, you could get someone to get wax products for you... but ur young.... that would be hard - dont worry i have the same problem kinda.

[Desired1]

Honestly, I really don't think that you want to die. If you had access to a gun 3 times and didn't kill yourself... well it doesn't seem to probable that you will. Also if you cut yourself and became "freaked out" then how are you even thinking that you will or would ever kill yourself. I think that youhave self-esteem issues that you need to get over but you really don't want to die.

[Desired1]

Oh and If you need someone to talk to PM oe e-mail me anytime.

[wantTOkillMYSELF]

im 13 years old.... i cant buy wax products etc etc.....and im always too depressed to do anything... before i was depressed i could do all of this. and i wasnt really fat, i was sorta muscular then, ive been workin out since i was 10 and ive been depressed for about a year and havent felt like doing anything! all of that muscle turned into fat......

[mgirl]

Hey then wantokillmyself,

 

Just start going for walks to burn off the extra fat. You have to motivate yourself somehow, just keep thinking of the end result. About the hair problem, it won't be long before the other guys in your class or age group are catching up, so i wouldn't worry about this. You can go and get some tablets from the doctor that are for fluid retention and they have a chemical in them that gets rid of excess hair (go and see your doctor, they have all sorts of solutions for these sorts of things). They take a while to start working though, maybe 6 months, but you could do this for a few years until you are older and not embarrassed by all your hair, and your friends would have caught up by then too.

 

There are all sorts of ways you can make yourself feel better and if body image is a part of your problem then maybe you should do something about it

 

Best of luck,

 

Mgirl

[thisisnotanexit]

hey man,

be glad you have so much hair at such a young age! i'm 19 and would love for some excess hair on my chest and stuff. believe me man, the boys who ever pick on you about it..they're jealous. every guy wants more of it, it makes us feel more manly. so be happy dude! you're way ahead of 'em! but, if you are still unhappy with it, shave! that's all it takes. or buy some hair removing products...you're 13, but i promise you can still get access to it. it's at every kind of drug store or wal mart, etc. hair is really not a problem if you're not happy with it. you can easily get rid of it! and hey, i remember when i was 13. our bodies do weird things. believe me, your weight will change! you're changing, you're growing up. most males and females go through a weight gain period when we are in our early teens. and just like hair, you can get rid of fat if you don't like it. use all of this negative energy as motivation to exercise, eat right, etc. weight, hair, etc. is not the end of the world. you can do something about it if you want to. hang in there. we're all here for you. life does get stressful sometimes, and ending it all seems the best way out. but it's not. you're so young, you have so much to live for i promise. keep your head up, and realize you a very wonderful person. take care and msg me anytime you like. see ya

 

oh, and please see this site!

link removed

or call 1-800-SUICIDE

[Shinobie]

You know u dont want to do this because people love u and care about u and u know it.I feel this way a lot of the time because i feel like i dont have many friends.Or i feel like im gonna be hopeless wit girls and never get a girlfriend or juust one as a regualr friend since i havent had one yet and if it will kepe persisting.PLz dont do it because u should know its not the right thing to do.I have felt the same pain day after day for like the last 6 years.But it finally fixed things up when i took care of my bi-polar disorder.Just look at the positives and go from there try to be happy.

[Mintyfresh]

Let me say that from the ages of probably 11 till somewhat still now (im 20) i've contemplated the thought of suicide. Recently its just a "meh" passing thought or something, but back in highschool it was extremely bad.

 

I'm the very last person who should be giving advice, but seeing as i've gone through what you've gone through (i gained a bit of weight in highschool, became very shy, withdrew from friends, and wanted to kill myself.) i thought i might help for you to get some input from me.

 

First off when i was 13 and somebody gave the respose "oh you're so young blahblah" it was the last thing i wanted to hear. It's almost like you're being told that your feelings are insignificant because of your age and i do remember my pain being quite real. However, i see how easy it is to just tell somebody that "oh you're young and everybody goes through that" because its the god honest truth.

 

Okay barring your age and everything, people that wish to kill themselves, infact quite contrary to popular belief do not want to die. They want thier lives to improve and thier pain to stop. When you say that you want to kill yourself aren't you just saying that your life sucks and that you want it to be better?

 

Look, i developed severe self confidence and self worth issues starting around your age. It isn't to late for you to save yourself from this. Do whatever it takes to feel better about yourself. You mentioned your body is a major contributing factor to your depression? Well i was never able to get into shape until recently (I joined a gym and go every couple of days and lost about 20 pounds and gained quite a bit of muscle.) You probably dont have the money or transportation to goto a gym, but talk with your parents explain to them that it is vital to keeping a positive self image.

 

Depression is hard to deal with, i dont know how i deal with mine or if it'll ever go away, but please realize that your body growing hair is not a reason to be depressed. Men's bodies grow hair differently and all women expect leg, arm, chest hair. Infact most boys at the age of 13 are envious of those who have more body hair .... trust me girls don't see a hairless body as attractive.

 

The easiest way to change from suicidal to okay is to simply work on being comfortable with yourself. I'm not a strong enough person to be comfortable with my self even 20% of the time... but i try my best and it does help when it works. Two people can share identical lives and everything and one could lead a very happy life and the other a miserable one, honestly it sounds like a load of bull, i know ... but perspective is so important and how your feel about yourself determines the outcomes of almost any given situation.

 

Feel better man, things will improve.

[thisisnotanexit]

i agree

 

and never hesitate to tell someone about how you're feeling. us, your parents, a brother/sister, an adult you trust, a counselor at school or somewhere, a friend, the police, a hospital, 911, whoever! you can get through this i know it. hang in there, we're all behind you!

[thisisnotanexit]

also, see

 

link removed

[Desired1]

well heres a tip from me as long as were on the subject of coping methods. I myself hate telling other people my true feelings because I always think that someone is going to critisize (did i spell that right?) me. So what I do is keep a journal. Every single thing that I don't want to express to others, I write in my journal. I used to cut. Since I started writing in it and telling "it" my feelings, I haven't SI'd anymore. Hope I helped. Good Luck

And trust me

I am sure your hot

--des

[berserk]

your still young and for me 13-14 were hard ages i mean really hard i know how you feel just make it to high school and things should get better and if i were you i would take that hate and start excercising like lifting. As soon as i started lifting it started out as a way to get rid of stress now i use it for that and i look so much better than what i used to be. You wouldnt think it gets rid of alot of stress but it does.