Need help asap

[Ceals]

I will make this quick and sweet. I am 18 years old and the guy I am seeing is 21. My ex boyfriend came over on Friday night nothing happened. I told the guy I am currently seeing that he unexpectedly stopped by he got really upset we were suppose to go out to the bar the next night. I texted him at 2:30pm yesterday and he didn't reply till 7:26. He then told me how upset/ jealous he was that my ex was over and said stuff probably happened. I told him nothing happened and that I only wanted him and nobody else. I then had a panic attack from all this stress and asked if he could come by later that night and to give me a hug and he said he would. He never showed up and I never heard from him since he said he would stop by. I don't know what to do I really care about him and I only want to be with him I can't stand for him to be upset like this I didn't mean any wrong by seeing my ex randomly show up at my house. I have a messaged typed up on my notes that I am still debating about sending. I don't want to be in to much of his bubble while he is in a bad mood. I just really want to fix this I do not want to lose him. How long should I wait before messaging him?

 

The message I would send would go like this: I take it your still upset with me, I get it because I would be really upset if I was in your shoes. This is killing me, I don't know how I am suppose to convince you that nothing happened. I want you to trust me when I say nothing happened, because nothing did. Even when I go out with my friends to the bar and guys ask me for my number I say no. I really care about you and I like being around you. You make me happy, I always have a huge grin on my face when we text. I just want to fix this because I miss you and I really wanted to see you last night. I barely slept last night because I knew how upset you were. If I knew hanging out with my ex boyfriend would upset you I wouldn't of let him in. Can we please fix this I really miss you and I didn't to make you a grumpy Stevie, I still really need a hug

[IAmFCA]

Frankly, I am annoyed with your bf. He is using his anger and rejection of you as a tool to punish you.

 

The questions I would have are why did your ex come by? How familiar are you with your ex that he was comfortable stopping by unannounced? What was the purpose of his visit.

 

Saying "nothing happened" puts the focus on physical intimacy, as if all you are is about sex; no sexual behavior, then no cheating; yes sexual behavior, then yes cheating. But as your bf I would be concerned about emotional intimacy.

 

Your bf would be smart to hear you our, consider the pattern of behavior he has witnessed, and make a judgment about your fidelity based on the big picture, not this one event. He may be threatened, he may be hurt, but he is acting like a petulant child.

 

You are in charge of your choices, not your bf. If you believe you acted appropriately, then I would dump your bf. He does not get to control you or punish you.

[Xylitol]

Don't text him, you've angered him and it takes time to cool down.

 

Girl you've got to make up your mind. Who is it that you are comitted to. You should only fish with one rod. You can't have the ex in your life anymore. What if you were married and he'd bring the ex wife for a sleepover? How would that make you feel, you would never know if anything happened in the bed room with the ex wife. How insecure would that make you feel? Have more consideration next time. What is ok for you is not necessarily ok for someone else.

[Ceals]

We are not official, we just started seeing each other a month ago. I have nothing to do with my ex. Never will again.

[IAmFCA]

What IS the pattern of behavior?

 

Would you be more responsible letting your bf go because indeed you aren't as committed as you seem, but you don't want to admit it?

 

Also, does your bf have a habit of judging you, dismissing your own judgment of yourself?

 

In any event...

 

It is important to realize that each of us makes choices that feel right to ourselves. When in a relationship, we have a responsibility to consider how our bf/gf will feel about our choices. It doesn't mean we change our choices, but it does mean we take responsibility for them.

 

In this instance, you made a choice that was right for you. Now, you need to let him make a choice that feels right for him.

[IAmFCA]

You two have only been together a month?

 

Don't pay him any attention at all. Let him be responsible for his own emotions.

 

You need to stand on your own two feet at this moment and be prepared to let him go. Your text suggests too much emotional dependence on whether your guy accepts you. That is not his job. YOUR job is accept you. His job is to decide whether you are a good match for him. That is all.

[amipushy]

He probably thinks that you have only been together for a month and you have already hurt him by allowing your ex into your home so is this 'relationship' worth it. Leave him alone to think on it.