Whats really bugging me

[nol703]

I just got out of a 5 year relationship. and started a nc for 21 days then slipped up and texted her and she seemed fine like she didn't miss me at all and i was sure at the time she is talking to someone new.

the thing is after 5 yrs of a ltr, how can someone not try to contact you. i feel like i was nothing to her.

[weathergirl]

I just got out of a 5 year relationship. and started a nc for 21 days then slipped up and texted her and she seemed fine like she didn't miss me at all and i was sure at the time she is talking to someone new.

the thing is after 5 yrs of a ltr, how can someone not try to contact you. i feel like i was nothing to her.

 

If she broke up with you, she had probably "checked out" of the relationship long before she actually ended it with you. So while for you, it's only been 21 days, for HER (again assuming SHE was the one to end it)... it was over way longer than only 21 days.

 

I know some people who had checked out of their relationships YEARS before getting the courage to actually end it.

 

So was she the one to end it? If so, why? Did she give you a reason?

[Oliviaa]

You can't infer much from texts, so try not to read and conclude much from it. "she seemed fine" may not actually be the truth. For example, however emotional or devastated I am, I never let it show and pretend I'm indifferent, doesn't mean I'm okay, far from it, I just put a front on. So do not assume she has already moved on.

 

Also what the above poster said is very true, and it's a concept us dumpees don't tend to acknowledge. People don't wake up one day and decide to end things. They've usually be mulling over it for a period of time (days, weeks or even months!).

 

I'm sure your relationship meant a lot to her. Just because two people break up and seemingly become strangers, doesn't mean their memories and experiences are erased. A break up is when two people separate and go their own ways. If she were to show you that you still meant a lot to her, how would anybody move on? They wouldn't of course. The brutal reality of break ups is the separation of what used to be. It is tough, it is horrible but it is necessary to move on.

 

With all the support on here I'm sure you'll be feeling better with each day

[ChiBrunette]

Whether or not she's talking to someone new, doesn't concern you. Thats her business.

 

Seemed fine? - Maybe, but maybe not.

I agree with both above. I've both checked out before I finally found my strength to leave, and I've played emotionally indifferent in hopes that he'd let me be. I've been the dumper and the dumpee - and can say that it takes time to heal on either end. Its all too easy to jump to conclusions and hurt your own ego, but i think thats where you need to put into perspective that there are too many variables a hand, so its best you let them be.

 

Maybe shes rebounding, maybe shes sulking, maybe she cheked out and is happy to be free of the guilt of stringing you along...

 

Either way, stay no contact. Rebuild, Regroup, and when youre ready - go back to seeking (:

[nol703]

i did the dumping for these reasons.

 

lately she would question my love like 24/7 and say i don't show my love and i did i would spend every minute that i could with her. would taker her anywhere she wanted..she was saying that i didn't hold her hand anymore and kissed her and hugged her like before so i started doing it for like a month but saw that she didn't do any of that in return so i stopped.

 

she would txt me the second she woke up saying good morning my love and i would say the same or my soulmate or somewere along the lines.but then when i would bring her over to my house she wouldn't be all lovey dovey like before or as the txt implies.. she wanted me to be affectionate and she didn't want to return it .seemed like she would sit there and just read her book or be on her laptop all day and if i tried play fighting or messing with her she would get mad. or touched her. but then again we still had sex.

 

she always said how the best 2 years of our relationship where the best. like really? i knew she was insecure, we would work at the same place and she would always be seeing what i was doing and not focusing on work.if a girl started talking to me she would ask a lot of questions like who is she? what did she want? do you think she pretty? etc..sometimes i think she was just with me because nothing else in her life was good. or maybe she thought she couldn't do better or nobody else would want her?

 

last reason seemed like everything i did she would give me crap about it like i would say i want to buy a truck and she would say stuff to not want to make me buy it or bring me down.i said i wanted a streetbike and she said the same thing. when we broke up she said i wasn't serious because i haven't gotten a apartment with her but i felt like she was running from her mom because at the time she was living with her sister and was really pushy about living together when she found out her mom was moving back in.her and her mom don't get along at all.

 

last but not least she slept with a guy during one of our breaks while she was living with me and the day she slept with him she was moving out.and she did oral to him. which she wouldn't do for me anymore so its like doesn't make sense do it to someone you met for like 2-3 weeks but not someone who you said you loved?

 

and now that i left her i miss her so freakin much (everyday is hell for me)i gave her all my heart and time but she always questioned me.

 

Editied: we where each others first for everything first kiss,took each others virginity, first ltr and first relationship at all. when we started going out i was 18 i believe and she was 16 still in high school i was working.

[weathergirl]

So what was your motive for contacting her again? You want to go back that that? It sounds like a disaster from BOTH ends.

 

Even though technically you ended it, it sounds like she checked out a long time prior to that. She realized you weren't right for each other and has moved on.

 

Good for her. Now it's time for you to do the same.

 

It's normal to miss her, you were with her a long time. You are going through relationship withdrawal. It gets easier. Just stay no contact and eventually you'll get to a place where it will all be a distant memory.

[nol703]

So what was your motive for contacting her again? You want to go back that that? It sounds like a disaster from BOTH ends.

 

Even though technically you ended it, it sounds like she checked out a long time prior to that. She realized you weren't right for each other and has moved on.

 

Good for her. Now it's time for you to do the same.

 

It's normal to miss her, you were with her a long time. You are going through relationship withdrawal. It gets easier. Just stay no contact and eventually you'll get to a place where it will all be a distant memory.

 

I thought so.. wanted to get a opinion. and yes i wanted to get back with her but if i guess i was bad and she was not into me anymore then no choice but to move on.

[weathergirl]

I thought so.. wanted to get a opinion. and yes i wanted to get back with her but if i guess i was bad and she was not into me anymore then no choice but to move on.

 

Don't look at it like "you" alone were bad...you were bad for each other. With another woman (your next girlfriend) you might be a great boyfriend, and in turn, she will be great to you too. We all interact differently with different people depending on how well we click with them (or not). It's all about compatibility. Chemistry too of course, but compatibility is huge.

 

But with this girl...yes move on. Even if you were to get back together, what would change? It might be good for a couple of weeks because you missed each other (assuming she misses you too), but eventually the same issues would creep in causing all the same problems and issues as before.

 

She just wasn't the right girl for you...that's all. There will be others who will bring out the BEST in you so look forward to THAT and try to keep the spirits up.