Wrong or right/normal or abnormal???

[moe42]

Is it just me or does anyone else feel better about a realationship after splitting up for a couple days and then coming back together? Ok here is what happened. My bf and I were having some problems and so we broke up, well after two days we got back together and we're doing a lot better. Now is this normal or should we have taken more time apart? My bfs best friend and one of my new best friends said that when you break up after a long term realationship (almost a year) that you need to stay away from eachother for at least 2 weeks or you will always get together agian is that true? well thats all and i kinda wanna hear if anyone else has gone through something similar...so thankx in advance!!!

[nanomyte]

I've found that most one-size-fits-all, tube sock, advice about relationships are someone else's attempt at making themselves sound knowledgable about relationships (even something obvious like "don't tie your lover up and beat them" wouldn't apply to all people... I'm not suggesting your into S&M though, don't worry. ;-) ).

 

What I have found to be natural from my own experience in breakups of long term relationships is that while you may decide that you don't want to be with someone, there are still parts of that person that you like (otherwise you wouldn't have been with them for so long), and you miss those parts of them once they are gone.

 

The answer to this question is really dependant on many things like if either of you have a problem with will power, why you two broke up, under what circumstances did you two break up (as people in can often say things that they regret in the heat of the moment), etc...

 

It's also not uncommon for people who have been together for a long time to have momentary rekindlings (especially sexual moments -- if you were together for a while then he likely knows how to press your buttons in more ways than one). Some of those rekindlings can start into new flames, while others simply snuff when the moment is over. It's yours and his decisions that dictate what you have. Nothing is guarranteed in life except death and taxes.

[OnceAgain]

Well from my experience, I was dating this one guy for almost 2 years and then we broke up. I have no idea how this happened but we saw each other and then ended up together again only to break up badly a month later. My old college roommate on the other hand dated this guy on an off for many years. Once they broke up (bad too) and then within less than a week they were back together again. I think they broke up at least 3 other times when I lived with her. Well now they are married with twin girls So I guess it just depends.

[moe42]

well we broke up because he seemed to like my friend and when i asked him about it he said he didnt know and i asked if i meant more than her to him and he said he didnt know and he had the same problem with me and his best friend and we had loved eachother but didnt know if we still did or not and then after 3 days (well 2 1/2) he came over because my phyco ex bf got out of jail and was looking for the two of us (i know cause i know the guy he shared a cell with and he (ex bf name Nick) was bragging about how he was going to kill us both) so he snuck through my window and we were talking about how akward the situation was and i was apologizing for getting him in the prediciment in the first place and he kissed me which is honestly something i wanted really bad and when he did it was like (hard to explain) this huge amount of energy went through me. Durring the break up i found out his best friend liked me and we hung out for like a day and a half (we spent the night at one of his friends houses, separate rooms and all) nothing happened except he comforted me and we talked about how we have had little crushes on eachother for quite some time. but every night i prayed to stop carring for my bf (tony) so we are together and i was just wondering if anyone else felt better after such a situation sooo thats about it oh we do still love eachother we determained and we cant stand being away from eachother so yeah thanks all

[nicorette]

me and my bf of 2 years broke up 2 months ago and were broken up for a month. im THANKFUL for it. im so happy now as is he. weve been back together for just over a month. if the problems fix and both partners are willing to work on it, then there are no limits on time. it depends with each relationship and the problems. are the problems permanently fixed, or just temporarily?

[irish girl]

I broke up with my boyfriend 3 times in the four years we have been together, we fibally seem to have it sorted and are very happy,

however my friends and family are sceptical and think it will happen again, people will always have their own opinions, but what feels right in your heart is all that matters, 2 days break or 2 weeks is not a set time, the time is whatever it takes for you,

[nottoogreen]

irish girl,

 

You have it sorted and you will be fine as long as it is sorted.

 

People like to use "general rules", like when you broke up often you will break up again.

 

One of my rules is "Copying past life mostly hurts", the deeper meaning of which is that resuming a relationship without a sensible improvement of the fundamentals does not make sense.

 

For example you split up over his smelly feet, no point to get back together unless he fixed his smelly feet.

 

Beyond that, there are trust issues and hurt issues (bad memories) which make successful long term resumption even harder.

[Momene]

I would say that continually breaking up and getting back together is a big red flag. I've never done it that way myself and only ever once dated an ex after a break up.

 

People who use breaking up as a way to be controlling aren't to be trusted and you should always resolve why you broke up before getting back together.