Please help! I'm lost!!

[Zekedad]

So I will try and make a long story short. I have been seeing this girl for about a year. She had a VERY bad relationship before me with being cheated on, lied to, etc. well a few months after we started seeing each other her ex made up a Facebook profile as woman and pretended to be someone I went to high school with. It was very obvious based on the friends list that something was fishy. I mentioned it to her that I was going to talk junk to this person to see if I could catch them. I told the person how hot she was, etc. asked to meet to see if she would balk. Long story short, her ex was the woman and showed all the messages I sent to my girl. She was very hurt and understandably so. I have told her that I had no intention of ever meeting this person bc I knew it was not real. I think that she feels as though I was pursuing another woman but I was not. I am dedicated to her and we are very happy together. However - the subject does come up and we start arguing about it. I try and explain my side but it has been a while and it sounds as if I am changing the timelines of the way things happened but I am not intentionally. She feels like I am lying to her. Right now she is very upset at me as we fought about it last night. I understand her feelings. What should I do? How can I save this relationship? How do I make her feel better?

[SooSad33]

"I have been seeing this girl for about a year. She had a VERY bad relationship before me with being cheated on, lied to, etc"

- With being aware of her past, you should have informed her right away what was going on. Then she probably would NOT be in this state, right now.

 

If only the situation could be changed around to her seeing how HER ex set the whole thing up?

 

But, otherwise, not a lot you can do to prove to her, it wasn't for real. Can be very hard to build up 'trust' in someone again.

[HONEYHONEY]

You played with fire and got burned!

 

I once met a guy online and we dated for about a year, ( he had a bad history of crazy exes )... anyway one day I went back to the site I met him, I wanted to retrieve the messages we exchanged, (yes I was corny and romantic) my profile had only been disabled and I deleted all my pictures, but the funny thing is that I saw him online, no picture but different user name, I confronted him with what I saw and he claimed to be spying on his ex... trying to get some dirt on her to use for custody of his daughter ... such bs... I lost trust in him and broke up the relationship

 

Honesty is always best!

[missmarple]

It was very obvious based on the friends list that something was fishy. I mentioned it to her that I was going to talk junk to this person to see if I could catch them. I told the person how hot she was, etc. asked to meet to see if she would balk. Long story short, her ex was the woman and showed all the messages I sent to my girl. She was very hurt and understandably so. I have told her that I had no intention of ever meeting this person bc I knew it was not real. I think that she feels as though I was pursuing another woman but I was not.

 

If you had already told her what was going on, how come she thinks that you were pursuing another woman?? What had she said when you told her?

[SoulTaker]

If you had already told her what was going on, how come she thinks that you were pursuing another woman?? What had she said when you told her?

 

MM, good point. This is not adding up.

[Zekedad]

I did tell her that I was going to talk "trash" to this person, but I do not believe she thought that meant I was going to ask to meet, flirt, etc. I would NEVER do that to her. Her ex now uses this against her (and her child) saying that I am a bad man and should not be allowed around her child. He will take it out on her kid if she does it anyway. Her Ex thinks I ruined his chance in reconciling with her (bc she met me). He says I am bad bc I talked to another woman on FB that was actually him and I had a pretty good idea it was him. I think his true problem is that he thinks I am the reason he could not get her back.

[SoulTaker]

I did tell her that I was going to talk "trash" to this person, but I do not believe she thought that meant I was going to ask to meet, flirt, etc. I would NEVER do that to her. Her ex now uses this against her (and her child) saying that I am a bad man and should not be allowed around her child. He will take it out on her kid if she does it anyway. Her Ex thinks I ruined his chance in reconciling with her (bc she met me). He says I am bad bc I talked to another woman on FB that was actually him and I had a pretty good idea it was him. I think his true problem is that he thinks I am the reason he could not get her back.

 

So, you're saying that the gf and "ex" have a child together? You stated it as "her child", instead of "their child". If true, then this changes everything.

[Zekedad]

Yes it is their child.

[SoulTaker]

Yes it is their child.

 

You do know that she's going to do whatever it takes for the well-being of her child. You're not that high a priority. If the "ex" can make it difficult for her and their child (he feels that you separated him from his kid), then you're in a losing battle.

 

Unless she can stop interacting with the "ex" (which I doubt), you might be wasting time in a dead-end relationship, filled with "baby daddy drama".

[SoulTaker]

I realize that things look in dire straits. She will have to take the initiative to put the "ex" in his place, defuse the drama situation, and be on your side. There's not much you can do at this point.