(NC) Enabling your ex to keep tabs on you, BAD or GOOD idea?

[AyJay808]

I've read extensively on the rules and guidelines for doing No Contact, and these articles and posts never really specify how to handle "enabling your ex to keep tabs on YOU."

She is 20, I am 22. We had a LDR, and were supposed to move in together next week after 14 months of displacement. We were together for 20 months. I Have gone NO CONTACT for a solid 2 weeks already. We broke up a month ago.

 

I'm told by her sisters she still keeps tabs on me (based on her browsing history and living room activity), and has been for weeks, even though she viciously tossed me aside, proclaimed that she was never giving me a second of her time again, and said it was over a long time ago, then moved on just days after the break up to two different men already. Her last words to me were "I hope something really bad happens to me. You will regret this."

 

Wow that was 4 weeks ago. It just occurred to me how immature and psychotic that sounds...

Anyways, I think we all act a little crazy sometimes when our emotions run high. I don't feel like I'm trying to justify her immaturity by saying such a thing, but we all have problems with our own psyche, and well, this was the girl I fell in love with.

 

FACEBOOK

She still watches my Facebook even though I unfriended her, but my posts are still visible. She is able to see all our pictures I privated BECAUSE she was tagged in it all of them. Same thing vise versa. I know this girl. If she was really done, she'd wipe out every trace of me on Facebook like she did on her Instagram and her blog site(1 hour after the initial break up), but I guess she doesn't have the "balls" to... If she has the time to go and private all these photos one by one, then she would certainly have the courage to delete them as she did with her other social media... In the past, she has eliminated the existence of her ex bfs with the snap of her fingers. Why keep me around on FB you know? Just delete them... I kind of feel like this one factor is like a huge bread crumb she's leaving me... I don't want to over analyze things. So I deactivated my FB almost a week ago... Not sure why.

 

INSTAGRAM

She watches my Instagram presumably through her dog's instagram(long story, but it's this cute thing she does) probably because I blocked her original Instagram profile. I know she watches me because she liked, then unliked one of our old photos via her dog's profile a few weeks ago that I forgot to delete. I'm currently only active on Instagram, and my follower count and post count rises each day and I know she notices that, since that's something she always monitors herself, and it's the only thing she's "allowed" to see when visiting my profile.

 

TO Enable, or NOT to Enable.

I was thinking, since I'm doing No Contact, would it hurt to allow her to see what goes on in my life? Kind of tease her and show her that I'm happy and content living without her? I hate that I'm now feeling that I'm the one stooping to a level of immaturity by trying to flaunt my happiness and independence in front of someone who treated me so poorly and disrespected me on a daily basis for months. I guess deep down, It's sort of my "kill her with kindness" action where I don't post discreet things about her on social media, but rather show her that I live each day happy and content and bettering myself all the time with friends, family, and the likes. Because the type of person she is, is getting satisfaction by hurting others when she is hurt. She always wants the world to feel the emotions she is. Bad Day? Everyone's day has to be bad. Funny Joke? You all need to laugh. I'm angry babe, why aren't you? You get what I mean? I know it would technically mean I'm still thinking about her when I DO make these posts I expect her to see, but is that really breaking "no contact" in any way shape or form?

 

I guess I want her to "break" and try to get in contact with me. It's been 2 weeks of NC, I do miss her, but I feel like I've healed a great deal and that I'm ready to bring things back to "unprivate." I do want to be her friend at least... but she makes it difficult to by refusing reconcilation or communication.

 

SO does allowing your ex to keep tabs on you a bad idea or a good one in regards to getting your former to contact you again?

I understand full well that the original purpose of NC is to HEAL and MOVE ON, and that your ex contacting you first is kind of like a bonus, but I'm really asking will letting your ex keep tabs on you increase or decrease your chances of them reaching out to you?

 

I have half my friends telling me "You need to STARVE HER OUT COMPLETELY, LET HER WONDER EVERYDAY WHAT YOU'RE DOING, she doesn't deserve to know your daily activities! She will break sooner!"

I have the other half telling me "Flaunt it. Show her what you've got, what she gave up, what she can't have, and how much better off you are without her. She will be on her knees in no time, wanting a piece of your fun loving adventurous optimistic life!"

Then there's that outlier of friends who tell me "If you set things to private, she will be tenacious, and still find a way to watch you and stalk you... You don't necessarily need to make it an iron tight private, maybe leave her a little crack in the door to peak. So that she realizes you've made the effort to starve her of attention, while at the same time, you'll still able to flaunt your happy life when she DOES manage to gain tabs on you."

 

Opinions? Comments? Thoughts?

[MisUnderstood9]

My only comment on this whole thing.. cut all strings of all kinds.

 

You don't need to allow her to keep tabs on you what so ever. You need to delete and remove her from EVERYTHING because this also gives you the opporunity to visit her profiles and watch her life -- No contact means NO CONTACT not just speaking but threw seeing things on social media as well..

 

Deactiviating you FB was dumb, you should of just blocked her and then she couldnt see you profile at all but still kept the account open. Deleting someone doesnt stop them from searching you and viewing your profile, you need to block them to make sure they cant find you.

 

Same thing with Instagram -- delete and block any profiles she could use to snoop you.

 

Stop communications with her family members -- you shouldnt be talking to her sister about anything because you asking about your ex through her sister is going to get back to your ex and it just going to give her the satisifaction that "you're still thinking about her".

 

NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND! Its not letting someone snoop you to see that you're happy and moving on -- thats vandicitive, childish and immature. Delete and Block and move on.

[AyJay808]

Actually, I came out to her family and told them that It wouldn't be right to speak to them anymore, and that I wished them the best last week.

I've also refused "news" from them this past week as I found it clouded my mind in confusion and curiosity too much.

 

I have not clicked on any of her social media profiles at all for these past couple weeks but I suppose I need to go ahead and cut all ties with her. I don't feel that I am ready to delete all our precious moments yet... That may take some time for ME. My reason for deactivating FB was to rid myself of the plague that IS FACEBOOK and focus on going out and having a life. So this past week I've had no reason to login to my computer other than to read Enotalone.

[HeartGoesOn]

Games of this sort, as well as using social media as a relationship tool, all have a tendency to backfire. The bottom line is if she wants to get back together she'll make that clear.

 

In any event, "NC" works well, only when your true intentions are to heal.

[DancingFool]

Who cares what your ex is or isn't doing. She is an ex and you freely admit yourself with the clarity of 20/20 hindsight...she was not really top choice and is pretty immature and crazy to boot.

 

NC is not for your ex, it is for you. So you can move on, live your life, be happy and in a good place to meet someone else who is...you know...not quite so psycho as your ex....and maybe a little cuter.....they really do exist...... Focus on that. That's what NC is for.

 

If your ex wants to drive herself crazy looking at what you do and how dare you enjoy life without her...that's her problem. Don't make it yours.