Working for/with my fiancé

[Mj9114s]

Hi everyone, I'm 21 and trained since I was 16 in hospitality working for the family business in a restaurant. Last year I moved away with my now fiancé and subsequently left my job. I don't need to work anymore as my fiancé has his own business but I need to for my state of mind and i know I'm far too young to not be working. I've been desperately trying to find work .. Anything and everything (except the unsociable restaurant hours) luckily my qualification and experience cover more than just front of house bar restaurant work!

It's got to the point where my fiancé needs to make one of his staff redundant as she earns too much and makes him too little as she's not actually experienced in the company's speciality.. But he needs to replace her with someone he can pay less and the company can train to fit in with them.. . So he's asked me.

 

I know I need to do it.. It'll help pay for the wedding and I need a job.. I'll stop missing him all the time and it'll be a journey were on together I'm sure we can make it work.

 

BUT I'm quite a shy person... I have no idea about what they do it makes no sense to me... I don't like the office manager who works for him she really gets up my nose .. And I'm really worried that because my strengths lye in one career that I'll be useless at this and embarrass him and myself! I'm worried that the staff will turn their noses up at me as I've replaced someone (she's only been there 4 months) and they'll be worried I'll replace them too! And because I may not be any good at the job they will probably find it very funny!

 

Please help I'm in turmoil! I want to help my fiancé and help move the business forward but I'm so scared!

[mylolita]

Hi Mj,

 

I really feel for you as this is a very sticky situation!

 

It's easy for me to sit here and say you'll do a brilliant job and everyone makes mistakes, but the worries you have are issues anybody would be going through faced with your predicament.

 

You sound capable and I bet once you settled in everything would be fine, as we all have to learn and most people have sympathy and can understand that. Yes, the old office gossip mill. Sometimes things are just said, especially before a new person arrives or someone is sacked. People say negative things about other people out of fear, jealousy, to feel like they fit in or out of boredom and not thinking before they speak - it really can be a mixed barrel, but once they get to know you and realise you are not just the fiancé to the boss, everything should calm down, you just have to stick it through!

 

Make sure he gives you no special treatment over anyone else. I realise this can be difficult but everyone in the office must feel like they are being treat fairly. This should silence any potential negative gossip.

 

At the end of the day, people will always talk whether you do bad or good, so the best attitude to adopt is 'like water off a ducks back' if you can

 

I can also semi-relate to some of the things you are feeling, like the guilt that you should be working because you have a partner who can afford to look after you.

 

My now husband could look after me. He has his own business and although he only employs one other person half time, I know he could support us both. We couldn't have the lifestyle we want or aim to have in the future though (large family, a decent sized house, money to eat out and a holiday every year).

 

I also worked for my husband who was then my fiancé for a few months when I was out if work and it was hell for me! We honestly argued so much and got under each other's feet! We saw far too much of each other and instead if helping it hindered him to some extent.

 

Maybe you should also think about if you two will be able to work together in harmony? Because you are in a romantic relationship, it can make switching into business mode difficult.

 

I'm 24 and work 3 days a week. I feel guilty about it all the time and want to get more hours to contribute to a house deposit. I understand the guilt of being a young woman in a modern age who doesn't work or only works part time.

 

Remember to go with your gut instinct and most definitely talk through your fears with your fiancé.

 

Best of luck!

 

x

[laninaperdida]

Starting a new job is always scary, even if you're qualified.

The good news is you have your boyfriend for support should you take this one,

As for the co worker you don't like, well, that will happen everywhere, haha.

There's always that one person in the office...

As long as she's not abusing you in any way you'll just have to learn to deal with her.

Can you tell us a little but more about the job description?

I feel like I can't point you in the right direction without having a general idea as to what you'll be doing.

Are you going to be working with him full time?

[tattoobunnie]

You are going to be the wife of the guys who owns the place. Pa-leeze, bit*hes be scared of you!!! I would worry zilch even if you have to be trained to do what you do. Enjoy the nepotism, and the ass-kissing that will be coming your way. OWN IT!

 

The only altercation you may come accross is jealousy. So don't mind naysayers.

[abitbroken]

Do not do it. My ex left me and then I was out of a job.

Also, he could get sued if he fires someone and then replaces her with his fiance because it looks like he just fired her to hire you.

 

I think for the health of your future marriage, you need to get out of the mindset that you don't HAVE to work because your fiance has a business and you need to work to further your education for your own sake and then you also have something more to bring to the table. At 21, you honestly should get a certification in something. And you should do a job that takes you away from him for part of the day so you have something to talk about.

 

When you are married and have an established marriage and they want to make you a partner in the family business, that's one thing, but for the sake of your marriage, develop outside interests and jobs. You will be resentful down the road that you hadn't taken the time when you were young to explore other interests.

[tattoobunnie]

If there's a paper-trail of write-ups on how that employee was incompetent, don't worry about it. If she/he was stellar in their performance, your fiance is not about to let them go.