Opinions on holidays with Ex and family..

[Nap-Man]

I just wanted some opinions on being invited to spend Christmas with the ex-girlfriend and her family. My roommate and I were both dumped by our girlfriends this year, we are all around 26 years old, thought about marriage, blah, blah, blah….It seems to be the standard story for many couples our age. Anyways, both of us had peaceful breakups with almost no drama and open dialog between us and our girlfriends. I am still very close to my ex and we talk and hang out all the time, he is not at that level but they just started talking consistently and were always friendly with each other. Basically both of our ex's broke up with us for similar reasons, my ex is a full time student, full time worker and trying to land an internship with no time for herself and a relationship.

My roommate and I were trying to decipher why both of our ex's invited us to the holiday celebrations with their respective families. I know that I would not invite someone I broke up with and did not love anymore to spend time with my family on such an important holiday. I don't think of it as a sign that they want to get back together right now but rather that they still love us and there may be a future there still. My roommate on the other hand thinks that it means he is getting back with his ex and this is a very strong sign that she is ready. My ex has not dated anyone since we broke up 9 months ago and his dated some guy for a month and then broke up with him. So what are some opinions on invites to spend the holidays with the ex and her family? I like to argue with my roommate so any insight would be helpful…….I don't mean to take this lightly, both of us would spend the rest of our lives with our ex's if we were given a second chance.

 

Thanks so much,

 

Nap

[ticklebug]

would either of you have something to do if the offer wasn't extended? Do you have your own families to celebrate with?

 

Just because you two had breakups for similar reasons doesn't mean everything is parallel...you may know your ex is solid in what she needs and wants but you have no way of knowing about your friend's ex...so this is a debate you may not want to get into...

[Nap-Man]

Yes both of us would have had things to do otherwise. We both have some family to be with or at least plans with friends of the family.

 

This is why I ask questions on a forum…..you are probably right to say that I should not compare one situation to another even if they seem so similar. I just know from being friends with my ex for the last 9 months that it is best not to get your hopes up and read too much into what they say and do. I see him feeling so much better and getting excited that they may get back together because of this and I wanted to ground him in reality so that he does not keep hurting himself like I did initially. I celebrated the holidays with my ex and forced myself not to read into it and just have fun in the moment. I am assuming that if people who were in long term, serious relationships like we were, get back together, that it is not a quick process, will take time and have many ups and downs emotionally.

 

I learned from my ex that just because she invited me to be her "date" at three weddings does not mean she is ready to be in a relationship or even considering re-connecting with me. I got my hopes up only to be let down again. I would like to try to pass this experience on to someone else to prevent the same pain in their lives that I had in mine……I was very unsure of how to interpret celebrating the holidays with an ex and her family. I wanted some opinions on the matter before I tried to compare my experiences with what may happen to him…..I wasn't sure if the holidays might be considered a positive sign and he really should be excited.

 

Thanks for your help,