X-mas Card sent back to me

[sweetione]

I don't know where to start.

 

I have been on this website before, right after my breakup.(if you want the whole story). He really broke my heart and I didn't even know it was coming until i got a text message breakup after 1 year of dating. Anyway, I have tried to kind of keep in contact every few months. I sent him a birthday card in sept. with no response back from him and then i sent him a burned CD of this singer he likes in October and again no response of any kind.

I know that 1 month after our breakup he was in another relationship and i guess he still is because i sent him this Christmas card. I only wished him a merry christmas and asked him to give his family best wishes for a joyeous holiday season.

 

Today I received my card back in the mail. Folded in half, with a written note from his girlfriend " We would appreciate it if you did not contact Peter anymore -- alison and peter" The envelope was in her handwriting too. The thing is, i didn't put a return address on the Christmas card i sent. And I don't know her. I have never called or stalked or anything.

 

My relationship with my ex was never bad, not ever. We never fought. The only time i had any problems was when i called and did the pleading begging route one time in june.

 

I guess i am writing because it still hurts. Why couldn't he have called himself? I left a message for him telling him that i don't understand this and asking him to call. But it seems that he is spineless and i probably won't get a call or explanation. I am not sure what i am asking here from you all. Maybe your opinion or thoughts....

[ticklebug]

by not calling you or responding to anything you send he is sending a HUGE message that he feels it is over and is hoping you take the rather large hint. How a guy normally handles these things.

 

His apparent rather significant other decided to take it into her own hands and actually TELL you...bascially, she did what you wanted...by sending back the card.

 

I'm sorry it didn't come from the source you wanted it to, but the message is still the same...your repeated contact with him has to stop and you need to get over him.

 

How do you know that your repeated calls and sending of gifts and cards ISN'T stalking in their eyes? More than likely he knows you haven't moved, or your address was on someting else you sent...

 

he isn't spineless...he's done, and doesn't really owe you anything.

 

Time to just let it go.

[Wagga]

Hello there!

 

I personally feel that you should really let go. After a break up it's very easy to hold onto someone thinking that they will change their mind. You should not contact him. It will really help in your healing process. Letting go is very hard. I found it virtually impossible at the start after a 2.5 year relationship but you have to be strong. Life is about being strong and trying. PM me if you want to talk.

 

Wagga

[sweetione]

I am not sure i agree with you. It is spineless. I sent a Christmas card for god's sake. Not a proposal. And in the time we have been broken up I have never called. Sent him a birthday card, a cd and a christmas card. When we broke up we said we would be friends. 3 things with 7 months doesn't seem overbearing.

[ocean9]

He may have said that he wanted to be friends, but his actions say otherwise. Friends don't ignore one another.

 

It's over for him. He doesn't want your friendship for whatever reason.

 

Often people say the 'lets be friends' thing, but they don't really mean it. It's a cop out.

 

It is time to stop initiating contact with this guy.

[ticklebug]

sigh...

 

sweet, part of why you two are not together anymore is because the two of you are differnet people and weren't compatible.

 

Just because he doesn't do something in the way you would want it done doesn't mean he is spineless.

 

Do you send chirstmas cards and presents to every guy you have ever dated? If you were involved with someone, do you really think you'd still be sending these things?

 

I'm sure if you heard that his new GF was saying you are only sending things because you want him back you'd be offended by it since you are maintaining that it is just to be friendly... but it's the same thing. Name calling won't make you feel any better.

[Drago494]

I'm kinda of going through something similar. I was dating a girl for almost 2 and a half years and then she broke up with me, wanting to just be friends. I tried no contact in the beginning, but then things started going bad for me and I started hanging out with her. She has a new boyfriend...they started dating the day after she broke up with me. Amazing how stupid some people are...Now the no contact is working and I'm ALMOST 100% again.

 

What I'm trying to say is, don't dwell on the past. Just remember, you don't need anyone, all you need is yourself. Move past this, be strong, and get through the rest of your life one day at a time.

[Amethyst]

Okay, you need to realize actions (or the lack thereof) speak louder than words. What he wants is loud and clear; you've just tuned out his message because it isn't what you wish to hear.

 

It's time for you to accept that it's over. He has moved on with his life and does not wish to share any part of it with you. If he did, he WOULD contact you. Whether it's "spineless" or not is of no consequence -- the facts are still the facts. And, the FACT is that he is NOT contacting you and has even asked you to stop contacting him. (I don't care if it was his gf's handwriting -- the sentiment was from BOTH of them.)

 

You need to STOP trying to get in touch with him (and I mean stop IMMEDIATELY -- do NOT make ANYMORE attempts). You say you've never tried to stalk him, but you are dangerously close to doing just that. He has made it clear he doesn't want any contact with you. You have even been DIRECTLY told to stop contacting him; yet, you continue to do so. THAT is the behavior of a stalker.

 

Edit: By the way, here's a wake-up call for you: He actually has enough evidence against you (the items you sent, the note back to you to stop contacting him, and your last call) to get a restraining order against you!

 

If you aren't careful, you will find yourself in WAY more trouble than you are prepared to handle. You MUST stop this NOW!!

[sdw]

Yeah, you've got to try and get angry at him, what he's done is really low not to say very immature. If he was offended by the card all he had to do was bin it. A friendship like a relationship is a two way thing, this is one way and so it's time to end it.

 

Steve.

[sweetione]

I guess you are all right.

 

I didn't think sending a couple of cards was a big deal, just trying to be nice. But I see what you are saying and actions do speak louder than words. Seems that all the words were lies.

 

I really don't get it, I do think it would have been easier if he just threw away my card. I don't deserve to be treated like this and I do agree Steve that I need to get mad. I tend to take this so personal -- and then not understanding why I was thrown to the curb and now run over. But I will cease any communication...he is taken off the christmas card list. One less stamp to buy.

[Rainy]

It is very hard to stop contact, but you really have to!!, In time the hurt will fade and you will feel stronger,

 

As other poster on here have said if you keep persisting he could get a restraining order out on you, and that would make you feel even worse,

 

I know you only feel as you have doing friendly things by giving him a card, but in the eyes of his girlfriend she doenst want y ou contacting as you still have feelings and coudl try and ruin his relationship!

 

You must htink to yourslef, you deserve much better, he has treated you badly by freezing you out, you can do better and you will!

 

At the moment yoou wont feel that there is anyone else out there for you but trust me you will find someone that makes you happy

[skynet74]

I really don't think you did that much wrong. In my eyes..... three things in 7 months is nothing that someone should not be able to handle. You definitely are not being overbearing. Sending back your Christmas card was just plain immature. It's almost as if he is still purposely trying to hurt you. My Ex did a lot of things to purposely try to hurt me as well. So I can definitely relate to your pain. It's hard to believe that someone who once cared so much can now treat you like their worst enemy. IT HURTS!

 

But..... the Bottom line is that him and his new girl don't want you involved in their relationship. Perhaps she is real possesive and it is bothering her a whole lot more then it's bothering him. He may just be going along with what she wants to keep peace. Either way, you need to chill out and sit on the sideline for a while. You arn't invited to be part of this particular game. In essense...... You have been penalized. Doesn't mean that it will be this way forever... but it is definitely that way for now. Just leave him alone.

 

Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe someday things will change. They tend to do that. Especially when the other relationship falls apart. Not contacting him at all may be the best chance you have of getting him back once he becomes available again. Take comfort in knowing that.

 

 

 

John