surprise! coming out at 54

[terrics]

Unfortunately I have lived a very unhappy life. I have known that I am a lesbian since I was 13 but have always been afraid to 'come out'. So far 2 therapists and 1 friend know. I did have an affair with a women when I was 18. My current therapist told me there is still a chance of meeting a woman and having some happiness. Any comments? Has anyone else waited this long and did find 'the right' woman? thanks. Any comments will be appreciated. terrics

[Virulent]

no experiance here...

 

but congrats, you shouldn't be afraid to admit your sexuality, whatever it is...good luck finding a woman right for you.

[unexpectedvictim57]

ya i think i might be a lesbian but i don't think i would tell right now.. i have a bf who i really do like and i don't want to mess up my life cause i think im in love with my best friend..... good lucik to you! your a mighty brave!

[mgirl]

Hi Terrics,

 

I think you have done a very brave thing, you have to be true to yourself. I don't think you need to worry about meeting a woman, or the right woman, i would date somebody your age!

 

Any time you need to chat, just come here. The people here are really nice and friendly.

 

Cheers,

 

Mgirl

[ReadyorNot]

Being Gay is so common anymore I really dont think that anyone should be nervous about coming out. Its pretty much accepted throughout society (except for a few losers who still think its a bad thing)

 

I say just be who you are. Dont be ashamed or shy.... if you are having trouble finding someone, why not join a dating service in your area. I know my local newspaper has personals. Thats what I would do if I was a lesbian cause Im sure its pretty hard to find someone, you dont want to walk around asking women if they are lesbians.

 

Good Luck!

[Cadence308]

So your therapist said that there's a chance for you to find someone and to find some happiness, huh? The chance thing sounds a bit dreary.

 

Congrats on coming out to yourself! I just recently came out to myself and I'm still uncertain about many things. I wouldn't worry too much about finding "the one." I think that if you are open to meeting new people and letting people into your life then the rest should be easy. I have been attracted to a woman whom I believe is 51 yrs old, so people can still be beautiful and sexy at any age.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[mgirl]

True

[cosqui32]

yeah, i agree with ballys, just allow yourself to meet new people, and you never know who might cross your path

 

check out local listing for events for Gay and Lesbians, I dont know where you from, but I am from Jersey, live about 30 min from NYC...and there is always something, I met alot of friends that way, although I did meet my love in a whole different country but, hey its a start....

[terrics]

thank you all for your support. I have a friend who is 65. She knows I love her but she denies being gay. Yet she kissed me on the mouth one day. terrics

[Cadence308]

So your friend has never had an intimate relationship with another woman that she would classify as exclusive? Has she ever been married?

 

It sounds like your friend is probably gay and probably has feelings for you, but she's still in the closet. Until she comes out to herself nothing further will happen between you and her without her regretting it or feeling guilty. Is she a religious person? Has she sought out counseling?

 

I am a bit younger than you and your friend, so I think people my age and younger might have an easier time of coming out to themselves and others, although coming out is always hard. I just came out to myself about 6 months ago and there's only 1 other female friend whom I've told face to face about my crush on an older woman. Other than that, only the people on this site know about me, so I'm still in the process of coming out. There's always stereotypes no matter what the situation. I also think that upbringing and religious beliefs have a lot to do with being in denial about one's sexuality.

[mgirl]

Coming is the hardest thing to do because you really have to admit it to yourself. I used to surround myself with other gay people and believed that this constituted me accepting my sexuality, but it didn't. It is only this year, 16 years after i supposedly 'came out', that i have really come out i think. Oh fair enough, i told my mum and my sister when i was 19 that i am 'gay', but i didn't really admit it to myself. In fact, i think i was living in the closet in some ways, so i really do commend people who can be truelly honest with themselves. This whole coming out process has been both challenging and rewarding for me as i've had to face my fears and learn how to develop strengths, which i am still developing. So to those who truelly come out, i congratulate you!

 

Terrics,

 

There must be a way for you to get a bit closer to this woman you are talking about. As Ballys said, and from what i've read on this site, religious beliefs do play a role in screwing people up in relation to their sexuality. My only suggestion right now is to continue to be true to yourself and if this woman sees your strength, it may encourage her to come out too if she is truelly gay.

 

Best of luck and let us know how it goes,

 

M

[Cadence308]

I've already posted some advice on this topic, but I just wanted to say that I can't help but crack up every time I read the title of this one, "Surprise, coming out at 54." The "surprise" part is hilarious! It just sounds like a surprise like a surprise birthday party.

 

Maybe when I out myself to my next friend I should say, "Surprise! I have a thing for women."

[spaggle]

hey ur only 54! uv got ages to have fun! go for it girl! and congrats for comin out!!- spaggle