Just a question...

[Mels]

I've been following the posts on here since my breakup. I've noticed that a lot of people share the same characteristics in a relationship as were in mine. One person puts in a lot of effort and ends up falling in love, while the other person doesn't treat them right.

 

As with my ex and I, I was always the one going out of my way for him. I did everything in my power to make him happy. In return, I got lies, manipulations, and lots of cancelled plans as he always chose 'the guys' over me.

 

Anyway, do you think that it's inevitable for us to all have one of these relationships at least once in our lifetime? I read somewhere that a broken heart and a bad relationship help you to fully appreciate the good relationships. It just seems that this is a reoccurring pattern in a lot of the posts, that all the good girls end up with the bad guys and vice versa.

 

I was just wondering what everyone thought about this in repsect to their own experiences.

[DragonGirl724]

"As with my ex and I, I was always the one going out of my way for him. I did everything in my power to make him happy. In return, I got lies, manipulations, and lots of cancelled plans as he always chose 'the guys' over me."

 

that was exactly my situation. he needs to get the immature play with boys stage out of the way b4 getting involved seriously with a girl. when he puts his boys before real love, its not real love. at least not yet.

 

-DG724

[PrincessLinzay]

I think in general, that it's a common trait many, many women share.

 

Women tend to base their lives around the one they love, and men are just not programmed that way. They don't give up their friends, cancel plans to hang out with their girl, wait at home to see if we're going to hang out..... I think you get the picture, (and are probably cringing a little bit, because these are things that most women have been guilty of at least once in a relationship).

 

 

Men are what they are. I wouldn't expect that to change anytime soon either. What you have to change is the way you react and the way you yourself behave. As difficult as may be, you HAVE to keep your life. YOU have to be #1. Make sure you hang out with your girls. Never cancel plans with ANYONE when you're b/f wants to hang out. Have interests outside of him, and don't always be available. In turn, they value the time they spend with you more.

 

We all know some girl who diappears off the face of the planet when she gets a boyfriend, and only reappears when he dumps her. She just can't understand why it keeps happening. Well? We know. She bases her life on him and loses sight of what's really important, which is having a life of her own.

 

That's my 2 cents.

[DragonGirl724]

i agree w/ previous post. i learned not to change my life & my plans to see my man. it sucks b/c i have this instinct in me to give 100% devotion & most of my time dedicated to the guy i care about most. but i saw how it just makes things so so so much worse. so next time my man comes 2nd to some othe rpeople in my life. as sucky as that is. after breakup i guess im quite bitter, & my skins a little thicker. i wont be the same chick i used to be the next time i find myself in a relationship. i kinda feel like it tainted w/ the purity & love i had for being in love. it sucks. relationships change you.

 

-DG724

[Bibora]

Not all of them. Not in my case at least.

 

I changed my life completely because of her. Change cities, work, left family, friends behind to live with her. I loved always to be with her, to see her. Everyday i would pick up her at school (when she didnt come first home).

Well i guess i push it a bit too much, but i really loved her company. And i didn't had friends here so she was my only company. Guess i messed up... In the end she wanted time for her own. Until unfortunately we broke up.

 

So now i've learned a valuable lesson. And lost an amazing person.

[Mentor]

Not all of them. Not in my case at least.

 

I changed my life completely because of her. Change cities, work, left family, friends behind to live with her. I loved always to be with her, to see her. Everyday i would pick up her at school (when she didnt come first home).

Well i guess i push it a bit too much, but i really loved her company. And i didn't had friends here so she was my only company. Guess i messed up... In the end she wanted time for her own. Until unfortunately we broke up.

 

So now i've learned a valuable lesson. And lost an amazing person.

 

A second vote here that guys do this too. I have this tendency, although I recognize it now and strive to maintain myself in a relationship. It takes a conscious effort for me however, my natural reaction is to give up everything for my gf.

 

Very bad

 

I wonder what would happen if two people like this hooked up? Would they consume each other in a violent release of energy? Maybe that is how black holes are created?

[Bibora]

heheheh nice theory

 

Well i never thought it would be that bad for me to put all my effort for her. I thought she would like it. Guess it was too much for her to handle. And she just wanted to run away.

And now i'm the one hurting... Cause she even won't talk to me (long story).

[Mentor]

Well i never thought it would be that bad for me to put all my effort for her. I thought she would like it. Guess it was too much for her to handle. And she just wanted to run away.

And now i'm the one hurting... Cause she even won't talk to me (long story).

 

I'm not sure if you appreciate that this behaviour is a bad thing, relationship-wise. Perhaps I am misunderstanding you, if so I apologize in advance. No one, you and I included, would remain interested in a relationship where the other person gives up their life for us. We need to grow, to learn, to be challenged, to improve from our relationships. If the other person makes things too easy, we stagnate and quickly lose interest.

 

It can be a fine line to walk, between kind consideration and being a pushover. Maintain your interests, your friends, all those things that make you you. If you have found the person for you then she will appreciate and love you more for it

[Bibora]

yeah i know what you mean.

Now in the end i understand. Wasn't aware of it when we were together. It just seem nice to me.

I think i just rushed things a bit too much. I really wanted to be with her. And in the end i just pushed too much for her own sake.

Her breaking up with me just served me right, got what i deserve

[Mentor]

yeah i know what you mean.

Now in the end i understand. Wasn't aware of it when we were together. It just seem nice to me.

I think i just rushed things a bit too much. I really wanted to be with her. And in the end i just pushed too much for her own sake.

Her breaking up with me just served me right, got what i deserve

 

Too hard on yourself Sure you got what you deserve: a valuable lesson that I hope you will take with you into your next relationship. Your next gf will appreciate you for it

[PrincessLinzay]

I think it's something that happens to both men and women, but it's a slightly more common occurrence with women.

 

The fact is, there are more similarities between sexes than most would like to think. In fact, the same things can turn off both sexes. Neediness isn't an attractie quality on any person, male/female. When people maintain their independence, but can also be with someone in a loving relationship, it's just an attractive quality.

[Mels]

I guess there is a very fine line...

 

I don't know. The way I treated my ex was the way that I wanted him to treat me. I never cancelled my plans to go out with him or anything like that, but he definitely was a priority in my life, and he knew it.

 

I guess that's where the distinction has to be made, they can be a priority in your life, but they can't be your life.

 

But then again, I know happy couples who would seriously do anything in the world for eachother. I know a lot of married couples like that. Is it different after you're married? Is it okay to make the other person your life after you've said the vows?

 

In my lifetime, I've been exposed to so many couples with great marriages. It seems like in all of those cases, both people are doing everything possible to make eachother happy. So in the end it's a win/win situation.

 

I've always wanted that in a relationship. I became content with a lot less than that in my last relationship, but I think that it was still in the back of my mind the whole time. I don't necessarily want someone who spends every waking minute with me, or completely disregards other parts of their life because of me. I tried my hardest not to let my ex do that by encouraging him to spend time with his friends and family. But I want a guy who will do the same things for me that he would his best friend. I want us to be best friends.

 

Do you think that's too much to ask for? I don't want things to be life that right off the bat, of course. But if I'm going to be in a serious relationship, that's how I dream of it being.

[Strandysmommy]

I wonder what would happen if two people like this hooked up? Would they consume each other in a violent release of energy? Maybe that is how black holes are created?

 

It would end up like this couple I know: "what do you want to do, sweetie?"

"I don't know, whatever you want to do is fine with me lovey"

 

"Are you SURE? I mean going out to eat was a stupid idea, we don't have to do that". Et Cetera. You get it.

[DragonGirl724]

hahahaha lmao to the previous quote!!! lol thats great! haha

 

"oh honey i have to go to the bathroom, can you come with me ill miss you too much while im gone baby love."

 

"sure honey, i already folded your toilet paper for you my sweet cuddle bug."

 

YUCK! hahaha!

 

-DG724

[archiep]

Agree here that it seems to happen regardless of sex of the person and i think its very difficult to maintain a healthy balance. My ex wife was that over the top with me that it ended up putting me off her. It got that bad in the end that she would have gladly rolled on the floor and barked like a dog for me. Ugh offputting and it ended up me being relieved when it was over.

 

However the girl i met after that was different. It started being 50/50 but after a while i realised it was me putting all the effort in. I became the martyr and the day she told me it was over i would have not only gladly rolled on floor and barked like a dog but promised to eat dog food for the rest of that week if it would have saved the relationship. OMG !!