ex with new gf, will it last?

[amanda22]

so my ex dumped me for another girl. they met once at work (she was a temp) then they talked for 2 weeks. they had soooo much in common, no really like EVERYTHING. so now they have been hanging out for two weeks and REALLY like eachother. just yesterday he told me they both think they are eachothers soulmate. they have never felt like this before and its so incredibly amazing its scary. he said they are going to officially start dating by the end of this week and it will most likely be a VERY SERIOUS relationship. they both say they can see eachother in their future, in other words he thinks its very likely that they will get married. so, in total, they have known eachother for a month. she just turned 18, (he says she is VERY mature for 18 ) he is 23. so im wondering, when you meet "the one" do you just have that feeling from very early on, like the first day or within a couple weeks? i hear people say when the met their true love they knew from the start. it seems like a really special rare feeling, and you just know. he makes it sound like such a blessing or miracle that he actually could find someone so great. obviuosly i still like my ex. im worried the first girl he dates after me, will be the one he gets married to

[titan]

He has only known her for a month, trust me he couldn't possibly know everything about her. It normal for you to be upset but a relationship is tested when things go bad, I know he is saying this but everyone feels like this when they first start dating...you idolise the person, but if its meant to be there is nothing you can do, just try to find the one for you.

 

I would also ask why are you still talking to him???

[amanda22]

at first we still talked cause we carpooled to school. now, the reason is i just cant do nc, no seriously, im like obsessive-compulsive or something, honestly, i dont know if im kidding. things are going pretty downhill between us cause he obviously has better things to do (talk/hang out with her) then talk/hang out with me, but i cant stop calling. i thought i would just sweat out the holidays and keep contact, then in january try nc. but then in february we start school again and we have a class together.

[titan]

I know it seems hard believe me i was exactly the same i would call sms email all the time...Just take it one day at a time.. Set small goals like try NC for the weekend and then maybe try for three days. It hard I know you just want to know what they are doing...Just ask yourself once you find out are you going to feel better.

[amanda22]

i know its just that i want to exchange presents and do all that stuff then make clean break after the new year. the other day i told him i wanted to stop by and say a final goodbye and he told me i was acting ridiculous. this is not the end of anything (he still wants friendship) and that there is no point cause i would see him at school anyways. every day i call and we argue. he wants one thing i want another. i think i am just trying to make him as miserable as he makes me, also to see how the relationship of his is doing out of morbid curiosity (obviously its doing great) i know we are not getting back together so that is not why i call.

[titan]

Yeah i know the feeling but for me personally it was a matter of putting it off saying i want to exchage gifts her B'day is 2 days after christmas i used my $$$ Savings as an incentive...to cut contact since she spend like $700 this year on me...haha.

 

But why do you call?? U can SEE him at school do you have to talk to him apart from hello and see you laters. It sounds like he wants to have you as a safety net.

[amanda22]

thats what people say (safety net) but i dont think so. he is WAY over me and is all about this other girl. even if they broke up, he prob wouldnt date me. i think i need to cut it off because anything else is false hope (i can see hope even when there is none) the calling is out of bitterness, self torture, morbid curiosity, false hope, you name it. so then WHY? i dont know, but i cant stop. i just feel like its all or nothing but he can see a middle. im just so hurt he can find his soulmate so easily. i think its the real thing. he knows what he wants, has a clear head and has a strong feeling she is the one. he has not felt this way before. ever. i know people say everyone feels this way at first, but not him. he says this is diff. its killing me.

[Mun]

Amanda,

I'm really sorry, you are going to have to start letting go. It's the best thing you can do for yourself because you will only keep hurting over and over with each new piece of information that you learn about them.

 

You deserve to find someone of your own and you won't while you are still hanging on to this one.

 

I think it's too soon for him to find the soulmate, but stranger things have happened. I understand how you feel, the things you say about how he could find her right after you... I know that feeling. It's awful. Hang in there and start trying to let go one day at a time.

 

You will get to the point where he doesn't matter anymore, trust me, take care of yourself for now.

 

Keep your chin up Girl.

[amanda22]

thanks you two. its just killing me that he feels this way about someone he just met and never felt like that for me. im scared she could be the one, or at least thats what he says.

[Soulfully]

Hey there girl, sorry ur going through these tough times. Been there recently, but things will definitely get better. I also found out that probably about a month later my ex started dating another guy. Tried to digest that the best I could. Wasnt easy but hey, it helped me to get a grip on the present reality, and that was that I wasnt going to get back with my ex, the one i thought was the one, not now, nor in the near future, and probably ever. But who knows. Especially at our age, though I suppose it can happen at any age, things are very confusing, and we have other vital things to think about, i.e. study, career, work, where we want our lives to go etc... And "love" at such age can be confusing too, so try not to take things too seriously. And try not to think that ur exl is amazingly happy with this new girl, and that they will be a together forever (cos they're made for one another, they're "ones" for each other... fairytale...) cos believe me, they most probably wont!

 

I recently found out that my ex is no longer with this new guy, but guess what, she's with yet another new one?!!! Funnily enough, that news came as a mixture of obvious surprise, "comical" and actually quite positive because it came to put weight on what I thought was the case with my ex. So let me see, its been 3 guys (including me) over the past 7 months...not bad...not bad at all! So perhaps it may be something to do with commitment & abandonment issues (having had a dysfunctional upbring with abuse), or perhaps its simply because she's young (22), and why not...why not date around, go out with different guys and try find out exactly what she may want from a guy? Its normal, very normal at such age, but hey, we cant do anything about it, even if she goes around breaking hearts. Everybody chooses the way they want to live their lives.

 

So with this in mind, dont think about it too much, nor too seriously... emotions, feelings, people, everything changes so much. One day ur "in love", the next u've got mixed feelings, the next your "in love" with somebody else. Happens all the time, and nothing lasts forever.

 

So how do I feel after all this? Well, I feel very grateful for the beautiful memories I had with her. I now know that I dont need her, and that I´ll be more than fine without her, that life goes on, and everything is in constant change. But I definitely cherish her memories, her person, or the person I believe she is in essense. I probably still love her...but I love myself too, and that's why, for the sake and love for both of us, I have to let go, and let us both spread our wings and fly to wherever we feel like or may need to. We both need to continue growing, experiencing, discovering, learning, observing, and evaluating our lives and what it is we really want out of it. Everybody should aim to reach their true potential, whatever and wherever that may be. And no one should "stop" anyone from realising their essense and path. And u define your own path, and thus can change the bearings when it is necessary to continue growing. Perhaps one day, our paths will meet again and perhaps we will have both grown sufficient enough to "start" a healthy mature relationship if the sparks get to reignite. Who knows, who cares...all I know is that I need to work, walk and live my path.

 

Anyways, too much babbling here....hehe...sorry... hope it may help u just a lil bit!

 

Peace.

[amanda22]

thanks so much soulfully. what you wrote is so true. its just so hard to remember when ur all upset and nothing makes sense. thanx again.

[Scottrn]

Sorry for what you are going through Amanda, really. But it will pass. It sounds like you have a plan for your future (school) and are trying to get somewhere on that front. Focus on that, go for a 4.0! Why not? You need to understand you are a good person, loved, not because of who you are with or who loves you, but because you are happy in your own skin. It's a tough thing to learn, but do it now, don't wait (like I did!) another 13 years to do it! Just know in your heart you are special, and this will help you to grow and become a stronger, better person, ready to make well thought out decisions for your next relationship, and get someone who can appreciate all you have to offer. Stay introspective, keep searching yourself to improve.......but don't let it overwhelm you. Focus on school, do your best in all you do, it will get better.

[amanda22]

thanx alot everyone. its so hard to think she may be "the one" but i just have to accept it, there is nothing else i can do...

[titan]

Hey amanda..its been a few weeks now are you still calling all the time, don't worry about if she is the one...i mean you guys are only young their is going to be many people who come into your life who you believe to be the one just take it has it comes, and forget because i bet even if he wanted to get back with you you would say no.

 

Take care

[amanda22]

actually ive updated whats been going recently in a post called "does he want to be friends or not?" in the 'ex bf,gf relationships' section of the site. we have actually been texting more than me calling. sorry i dont know how to paste a link