Exes, anxiety and perception of others and your life.

[PurpleButterfly]

Hello,

 

I'm sorry I feel bad because I post here a lot. But I'm struggling a lot with anxiety. I put this down to a previous ending of my relationship. However I seem to suffer with anxiety on a daily basis anyway. I've noticed it intensifies more after a break up. I've only had 3 relationships so far, all meaningful to a point.

 

But I don't know what's wrong with me. My usual thought process is clouded by my anxiety. I can't get through the day or do the mundane things in life without WORRYING. I worry so much about everything and especially what people think of me. I remember when I broke up with a previous ex James, I worried what he thought of me, what his friends thought of, what his family thought of me. If I bumped in to any of them I'd have a freak out inside and I'd be worrying about it all day and whether they're reporting back on me. I'd start hyperventilating and sweating. I'm worried what they thought of my new relationship (especially as there was a 20 year age gap on my next relationship). I can't concentrate. I remember when I was seeing my ex James and his sister who is my age was also dating someone of a 20 year age gap and how her parents HATED this and they thought her new fellow was disgusting and a perv etc ... then when I met my new guy Joseph with whom there was a 20 year age gap, I worried what my ex's parents thought! I felt like because Jame's parents had this reaction, everyone would.

 

The thing is, it's affecting every aspect of my life. I wake up some mornings and I can't bare to face the day, I'm almost in tears because I'm being forced in to the world and work where I have to put on a mask and all I really want is to go home and hide. I can't get on with tasks at work because my mind wonder. I start thinking about the "what ifs" and I then realize I'm behind on my work. But emptying my mind is so hard.

 

I remember I was in a cafe the other day and I was looking around watching people getting on with their lives, doing their job, reading their paper, drinking their coffee etc with no care in the world. I want to be like that. I feel like I'm my own prisoner. I want to join the world and be sociable. Being this anxious has taken away a chunk of my vibrant personality. I'm not myself and I can't stick to a job. I gave up my recent job because it was too much to handle. My boss was demanding and we conflicted too much. She wouldn't leave me to get on with my job she'd stand right behind me watching me and I made more errors with her doing that. So now I've applied for this other job and low and behold I'm WORRIED. I'm worried because there's someone who is close friends with an ex of mine and I'm scared working there might mean she's going to be judging me, watching me, reporting back and talking about me when I'm not there. The thing is I need a job and where I live jobs are SO HARD to come by. This job is a good amount of hours with good money and it's a job role I've done before. But the fact there's a girl there who's close connected to an ex freaks me out. Is she going to be watching me and talking about me!?!? I've had jobs before where they start off okay but then after a month or so I start to become anxious, reclusive and I literally dread the thought of work that I almost don't turn up.

 

Then I've become distant and irritable with my friends and family. I don't feel like talking to them. I don't feel like answering them when they ask things like "how's the job hunting going" "how's your relationship going" etc. I just cannot be bothered.

 

I'm on medication and I see a therapist but it's just I'm so impatient. I want to be better and back to normal now. I feel ashamed because I've been like this for the past 18 months since leaving university. As soon as I had to stand on my own two feet I struggled and buckled under pressure. Yet everyone else is just cruising on through life with such ease.

 

Does anyone else get anxious? Does anyone worry about what their exes think of them and their new relationships? I mean I'm not looking to be in a relationship for a looong time. The thought of another man touching me or hugging me makes my skin crawl. Since my break up with Jo I've struggled but I've coped to an extent. But eventually I'll enter a new relationship and I worry what people think, what family think, what exes think (even though I know it shouldn't matter). I always feel like my decisions for myself have to please everyone else. How do you make yourself happy when decisions make others unhappy?

 

Vent over. Breaaaaath.

[El0t]

Everyone gets anxious to some extent. Think about it this way... everyone else is so concerned with themselves that they don't have time to judge you, just like you barely have time to judge them. The way I see it, there's absolutely no way you can make every single other person happy. Even just making one other person completely happy all the time is impossible. So the best thing you can do is be happy yourself and the people who enjoy the person you are when you're doing what's best for you are the only people who deserve to have you care what they think. Best of luck!

[icecreamaddict]

It's good that you are on medication and in therapy. You need to figure out what works for you for your anxiety. I can relate - I have days like that too sometimes where I just feel like I'm going crazy and want to be normal. For me if I work out regularly and focus on other things it helps.... for others self talk, meditation, journaling may help, etc... Also leaving university and entering the real world is a big life change and adjustment. You shouldn't care what others think of you, only you can be happy with yourself.