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My life is a mess


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To summarize-

 

Have had horrible anxiety most of my life.

7 years ago had first panic attack w/agoraphobia

Had to quit work and go on disability

Host of physical problems emerged due to anxiety

Then ex fiance left me

Can't support myself and am living at home in an abusive environment

Most health issues have popped up

Have great bf but super stressed he will get tired of me not working/living at home

So tired all the time, starting to feel depressed

Never found work I wanted when I was working (think this plays into the anxiety)

Feel like I am so overwhelmed by so many thing I don't know what to do to change anything

No support, no friends

 

Any kind words?

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I know what you are talking about. I was like you, I tried to self recover my anxiety for few years, not successful, life was a struggle, couldn't go anywhere far. Finally I took anti anxiety med, lexapro, I recovered totally. With just a small does a day. I am back to my normal self, could travel far, shop, happy, do anything, just like when I was young. Normal energy level. Before that, physical problems and symptoms all due to anxiety appeared.

 

Please see the doctor, you cannot recover with medication. Just a small dose, without effort and side effect, your life will change for better within two weeks. Start with 5 mg for one week then up to 10 mg. you can don't take this advice, but you will suffer endlessly. Each day will be such a struggle. Some people think that exercise and will power will win, but I tell you, it is very rare. Go see a doctor immediately, your family doctor will do, normal doctor can prescribe this anti anxiety med too. Zoloft works well too, and cheap.

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I read your journal where you wrote about your boyfriend "When we spend time together I will simply be in the moment. Not thinking about our future or how much he likes me. Just be. Enjoy. "

 

OK -but how is that being good to yourself? If your goal is a serious long term relationship then it's reasonable you're going to be thinking about the long term and making sure he is on the same page with you in general, even if he moves slowly as you described. Please don't try to convince yourself to "live in the moment" as if that means not focusing on future goals. You can do both and you deserve to be able to do both. You're not going to learn to love yourself by silencing your needs and desires -and in my opinion that need and desire is perfectly natural.

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