Handling the rejected part...

[Victorb]

Hello to everyone who reads this,

 

A few days ago my girlfriend of 6 and half years told me she wanted to move on and follow her path, that she was not able to be in a committed relationship. Despite this, she also mentioned she had just met someone else, someone she felt had a connection she did not have with me, and that she cared for. I was blind-sided, but I knew something was off about her a week and half before. I was angry, sad, lonely, but I realized something...

 

I realized that the hardest part about dealing with the break up was the fact that my life had been put on hold for the relationship, and when the relationship 'suddenly' ended, my life seemed to be so... empty. This made me angrier, sadder, and lonelier. However, I think deep down that she DOES NOT deserve me. She never contributed to my happiness, besides just being with her. In other words, the other things in my life that would make me happy, that would make me the person i want to be later in life, she did not and possibly would not contribute to that.

 

Now, it's the part about getting over the rejection. Two days after the break up, i sent her a letter detailing the things I mentioned in the above paragraph, essentially sealing my decision to never look back to her. However, it hurts HARD thinking about how I was not needed, that I had no connection with her, and that someone else could replace me. I know these are her perceptions and choices, and don't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me, but I can't help but think there is...

[Twidom]

There isn't. Don't contact her anymore, she met someone else and is over you unfortunately. Start what we call NC (No-Contact) and give it time. Only time heal all wounds.

 

Bad days are to come. Bad days where you miss her terribly and you'll look for any excuse to contact her. But stay strong and don't. Give time to time.

[and so it goes]

Give it time, you'll get past this. It sucks now, but you will heal.

[Victorb]

I know I won't contact her, because, frankly, she does not deserve my attention any more. Bad days are coming...but so are good days

[ParisPaulette]

As badly as it hurts now you will get past this. And frankly you're way ahead of the curve by going NC now, I wish I'd had your self-esteem during my last breakup. The fact is she probably was mentally checked out of the relationship for some time before she "met" someone else. So yeah, that person is just one more symptom in what was already wrong at least in her world. And you do deserve someone who isn't checking out, but instead will speak up and work on things before they go south.

 

It hurts now, but in the long run you are going to be happy again. And yes, counting on someone else as the only reason for your happiness is always a bad decision. I'm a firm believer in being happy and fulfilled in my life first and if someone wants to share it then it's a bonus and we can make each other better then it's all good. You'll get there. In the meantime focus on your own life and healing. Venting and talking it out on this board or with friends and family helps tremendously too.

[Victorb]

NC will be challenging, and even as we were breaking up there was a negotiation about talking a month from now to see where we are, but the next day I knew that I would not talk to her or even focus on her life. I had been so patient and very understanding, but I feel that I was taken advantage of, probably unconsciously, and that I cannot forgive. Returning to being happy is my goal. She does not define my happiness or my life.

[MissLHR]

You sound very similar to me when my BU first occurred..your in a good place but just continue to look after yourself because although your feeling strong about the NC now I'm sure there will be days when it all comes crashing down. I know it did for me...I was so angry and didn't want anything to do with a person who could treat me so badly and that helped me stick to NC.

It's only now..5 months post BU that the anger and resentment has passed and I find I'm having those bad days where I miss having a person around....I don't want It to be my ex, and you probably won't either..but that's who you think off because unfortunately that was the last person who you had in your life in that way.

Try and keep a strong mentality

[Victorb]

although your feeling strong about the NC now I'm sure there will be days when it all comes crashing down.

 

Im beginning to go through this now. The idea of being alone, and to not have that loving person in your life is eating me up. I constantly remind myself that she does not contribute to the happiness in my life, but finding happiness right now is very, very hard.

[MissLHR]

I don't know how old you are but I think as a young person the idea of being alone is so confronting and terrifying.

I keep using my bad breakup as a blessing in disguise. Time to find out who I am and learning to be comfortable with being alone and that that's an ok thing. It's definitely hard but try not to let it eat you up inside and try turn it into a positive. It's ok to be alone..learn about who you are when you don't have that other person in your life who is an influence on that..it will be ok and you will find someone else but for now just try and be at peace with being alone.

You will come out a stronger and better person than your ex.