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How do I wind up here?


Savannian27

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Okay, this has seriously been probably one of the hardest and most mind-boggling experiences I've ever been through. Some clarity is definitely needed!

 

So this guy I've really liked - his name is Chris, is someone I made the rare exception of giving a second chance to. I haven't done it before, but it decided to do it this time for whatever reason I can't think of right now. We went on 1 date, did a lot of texting and trying to set up the 2nd date, but he decided to text me the day before it to say he was seeing someone else. So, parted ways, and then January he gets back in touch. So I decided why not?

 

So recently I've been to his apartment just to chill, watch movies, meet a few of his friends, and yeah I admit we've done some stuff but we are both pretty comfortable with it. At least I have been anyway, and we still want to date and go out to see where this goes.

 

All seems good right? I thought so. Then Georgia (that's where we live) of course gets a huge winter storm that blasted through this past week and left countless numbers of people stranded. I'm sure you've all seen it on the news.

 

So, the battle I've been fighting with myself is wondering if something happened to him or if he's just being a douchebag and not returning my texts or calls? I texted Tuesday, didn't hear back, called on Wednesday without leaving a vmail, still no hear back, and now today is Saturday and I left a voicemail saying I would just like to know what's going on. The weird thing about it is I don't feel it's in his nature to be the douchebag that never calls back, just doesn't seem like him.

 

What should I do?

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Well, you don't have much choices about what to do since he's not responding. Your only choices are to stop or keep trying to get in touch with him. I would say you've been blown off. I'm sure he's not stranded on a highway at this point...

He disappeared the first time but at least told you why...this time he didn't extend that courtesy. I'd say he's not a great catch for you as he's blown out 2 different times now. I know its probably on your mind a lot as to "why" but the "why" doesn't matter...you already know what you need to know.

Chin up and start looking for someone more consistent!

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I would wait back to hear from him at this point. I am an advocate of giving people a second chance because sometimes people really do get their shi* together, so don't beat yourself up about that. Everyone deserves a second chance but unfortunately it didn't work out for you...but now you at least know for sure.

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Just to see if he's OK and not in the hospital, have you considered contacting one of his friends/family to see if he is OK?

 

That storm was pretty bad and quite a few people got hurt (or worse). It would be a shame to determine that you wasted your time with giving him a second chance if he is in a hospital bed with an IV and O2 mask on and not having your hand to hold.

 

We may be too quick to convict before all the evidence is presented.

 

Just a thought.

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DJohnM - I have thought about that honestly, I do sometimes get the vision that he could be laying up in a hospital bed with an IV, and sometimes it really does make me think something has happened. I wonder sometimes if that's considered creepy or not? I'd prefer to call it more genuine concern instead of creepiness, but the other problem I have is that I have no method of contact with either of his 2 friends I met, or his family.

 

Would you consider it creepy if I were to try to contact either of the friends (of whom I neither have numbers or facebook) or even his parents (who live in a nearby town) to see if anything had happened? I know their's a difference between having a genuine concern and creepiness. So which is it more of?

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savignon - I would agree you're definitely right on the money when you say he's done it once, so he can do it again just as easily. That's very true, I can't deny that. What's weird though is this really doesn't seem like him, at least before he did pay the courtesy - which is all I could ever ask from anybody, and it definitely seems bizarre if he wouldn't just text back something like: Hey, been doing some thinking, and I just don't think we should keep seeing each other. BOOM. Plain and Simple. I would have no problem with that if he just simply paid me that courtesy of knowing. Hell, even I could text that and see if he responds, which he might not. Most of the communication is via text - and he has a quick-response time when he gets a text. This past week - silence.

 

What do you think of that?

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force - Second chances were never my forte. I've always been a very black-and-white person. It's really just been the past few years that I've started to open up and give people chances, and sometimes its worked out, others it didn't and I get that. That's just the way it is sometimes.

 

But the real thing I'm wanting to draw on here is that yes I've given him the second chance, and now that I've only had a month to really get to know this guy, I almost think it would be unfair to not continue to see where it goes with him.

 

I realize I could be coming off as really naive right now, or maybe "too generous" and I have done that before too - where I've given too much and people just take advantage of it, but the only real plausible thing I want right now is the truth.

 

Would it be overstepping the line to go to his apartment and get an explanation?

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DJohnM - I have thought about that honestly, I do sometimes get the vision that he could be laying up in a hospital bed with an IV, and sometimes it really does make me think something has happened. I wonder sometimes if that's considered creepy or not? I'd prefer to call it more genuine concern instead of creepiness, but the other problem I have is that I have no method of contact with either of his 2 friends I met, or his family.

 

Would you consider it creepy if I were to try to contact either of the friends (of whom I neither have numbers or facebook) or even his parents (who live in a nearby town) to see if anything had happened? I know their's a difference between having a genuine concern and creepiness. So which is it more of?

No, I would not consider it creepy at all if you stated up front that you were concerned for him. His family may even show gratitude that there is someone out there that actually cares what happens to people.

 

So, if anyone should question your intention of asking about him, firstly - you're concerned over his safety and secondly - if he is in the hospital, you would want to visit him or if he is well and just not responding, you can take the hint and go on with life and not waste any more time on him. The other situation, which is not pleasant, if he expired, you would want to go to his service and get closure.

 

You mentioned Facebook. Does he have a Facebook page? If so, there may be activity on there or you may find friends or family via that avenue.

 

You could ask around at any of the places that you were with him without seeming creepy as well. Express your concern and people will understand.

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Thank you for the insightful and helpful messages there. I really do appreciate it. Honestly I have a pretty good feeling now that he expired and he just doesn't have the decency to get back to me.

 

I would like to have closure, but I'm not going to go out of my way to get it. He has too much of an ego to really care about anything but himself I think. But what wouldn't surprise me is if he did get back in touch at some point - kinda like before when he sent the text during Christmas, and wanted to see me again.

 

At that point, I would just ask for closure. For someone who clearly doesn't have the decency to act like a responsible adult when someone is concerned for you, I would not give someone like that another chance.

 

Thank you all for your help, this really has been an experience for me, and I appreciate all the advice you've given me!

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Well then if that was the case he's both a ditcher and a liar, because I was the only girl he was seeing after he broke it off with the divorcee. He's a one-girl at a time kind of guy, only in for the short spell. And he keeps repeating this pattern, ditching at the first opportunity he gets. Very judgmental too...he'll find what I would say is a perceived infraction with you, and once he finds it, he's gone.

 

Thank you for your advice as well. Not going to make that mistake again. I hope...haha.

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