Getting better little by little

[Trevorjames]

Hey everyone, I've been posting on and off here for about two months now and a lot has changed since the break up, and I wanted some advice about where I am at now.

 

I broke up with her because of a situation that deeply upset me, and for a long time I felt she didn't really love or appreciate me, she knew all this but chose to walk away instead of work it out and reassure me, she knew I over reacted and still wanted her. This is all old news and I've accepted it, took a long time to do that though.

 

I've finally gotten to a point of where I'm not checking her social media and don't call her or text her, I think about her much less often too. I genuinely don't want to know anything or talk to her because it could hurt me or set me back, and being away from it all completely has helped a lot.

 

However, I still get these cringes of emptiness and sadness, not so much about her anymore, but the void in my life. How I don't have that person to call and tell my problems too, or go do couple style things with, like I love ice skating, movies, going out to dinner, walks and other stuff. I also miss having someone who cared about my well being and where I was, how I was feeling, etc.

 

The person itself doesn't matter so much, she is gone and it was her choice to stay away not mine, so I don't miss her specifically; she had a lot of negative qualities that looking clearly now I can see I don't want around me.

 

So I wonder, where do I take my healing from here? I don't have a lot of friends to fill the gap, and my family is absent due to distance. I am back in school and work out, just kind of feel like I'm doing the motions and each day is a repeat.

 

The anxiety, missing of the ex, and all that has gone. Just don't know how to truly enjoy being single. And that's what I need help with, I do see friends occasionally, and have a good room mate who keeps me company. What else can I do to spice my life up?

[HeartbreakAus]

I'm 3 months post break up and in the same boat, not really missing my ex but missing the couple-y things and i feel quite lonely. I don't like to be alone and am lucky I am living with family so I get home from work and have some people around me. I don't have a lot of friends either and the friends I do have are married/engaged or in relationships so i feel like a third wheel a lot of the time. What's worked for me which sounds silly is even if I am in my room on my own I have the radio playing in the background, even if it is just talk back it makes me feel less 'alone'.

I am looking into studying part time (Saturday morning course), looking at joining a gym and also making myself go to any event I get invited to, even if I know my ex will be there and I may not know many people. At least making an appearance shows people you are out and about and may trigger them to invite you to other events.

 

Good luck with it all, it does suck but I am surprised I am not missing my 'ex' as much. I haven't been single for almost five years so it's a weird spot to be in but we are getting there slowly.

[Trevorjames]

You sound almost exactly like me, I have been in two serious relationships over the past 5 years. The first one taught me how to love someone else and be a good life partner. And this next break up has taught me to love myself first. I have a lot of personal troubles to resolve and goals to accomplish, I've made good progress on all of it, and feel like I've been above water for the first time in years.

 

Self love takes a lot of strength, but you can't be with someone else without it. If my ex comes back she will find a much different person, even right now she would.

[C Mario]

Trevorjames, I love reading your posts. They let me know that I'm not alone.

[deejay74]

 

Self love takes a lot of strength, but you can't be with someone else without it. If my ex comes back she will find a much different person, even right now she would.

 

Yes it does as I'm finding out. I'm seeing a therapist to help me with this and it's harder than I thought, especially when I put my self worth in my girlfriends.

 

Here's to us getting better and becoming the people we were meant to be.

[wilyone 11]

Self love takes a lot of strength, but you can't be with someone else without it.

 

Not only that, but another person cannot give you any more love than you can give yourself.

 

We cannot look to another person to make us feel whole and complete. We must learn to do that for ourselves.

[Twist of Fate]

I'm right there with you buddy. One blessing I have is a dog who keeps me on a schedule and is always happy to see me. Volunteering and doing little things to develop myself have helped too. But like you, I often feel like I'm just passing time until I find someone to build a life with.