My friend and I both like a guy... help!!!

[SandyD]

Here´s the thing... there is this guy. Me and a friend both want him. We both met him a couple of days ago, since he is in town for only a short period. When I met him I casually pulled my friend aside and asked her about him, since she met him first (he´s staying at her sister and brother and law´s house). She was like "get in line because everyone wants him, including our gay friends". I told her I wasn´t about to compete for him, I just thought he seemed like a really sweet guy and wanted to know more about him.

 

Well, that night my friend got really drunk and made a fool of herself in a weird attempt to grab the guy´s attention. She has never been like that before. I felt embarrassment for her, and kept bringing her water to see if she´d "tone down".

 

The next evening we all went out again, and to my surprise the guy said he really liked me. I asked about my friend, and he said he had no interest in her as anything more than a friend. Still, I felt bad. We were in a nightclub, and when the lights got low, we kissed. They turned back on and my friend was staring at us. She went outside by herself to sulk. I tried talking to her, and she pretended like she didn´t care. But I know she was hurt.

 

I really, really liked this guy. And I wanted to be with him so badly. But even after my friend left, it was like I couldn´t. We held hands, danced together, but everytime we´d try kissing, it felt wrong to me.

 

I know he´s not her property, and you can´t really call dibs on people, but I don´t feel right about this. We´re all going out tonight again, and I´d really like to be able to kiss him and not feel so horrible.

 

Advice?

[Roasted Carrots]

Ehh.....sticky situation.

 

Preferabley, whenever my friends and I liked the same guy, we made a pact: the guy got to choose. I mean, it wasn't really fair for us to call dibs if one of us could have a fair chance. Usually this ended up in me bowing out, but when my friends are happy, I'm happy. Usually nothing happened and it was more fun to flirt with the guy together with no real competition.

 

But back to your situation. One of my favorite quotes sums up the situation quite nicely: "Sometimes you have to sacrifice a love just to save a friendship."

 

You get to make a choice...who's more importent to you? Your dude who's not even in town for long....or your girlfriend, who's been you're partner-in-crime for how long?

 

You mentioned in your post that you feel "wrong" with the guy...so somehow I think you know what the right decisicion is. Sistas before mistas, always.

[Mun]

He wanted you and he got to be with you.

 

I don't think your friend is being fair to you. She had the same shot you did at this guy and he liked YOU not her. I think you should go out tonight, but without your friend. She is not going to be good company. If she is truly your friend she will care that you are happy with this guy and leave it alone.

 

It would be an entirely different situation if she had already been dating him and you busted a move on her guy. Then I would say you are not a very good friend...but that's not the case here..

[Milly2005]

If the guy is not in town long, is this just a fling for him? If he is leaving town and you are in school- long distance relationships tend not to last. So if this relationship doesn't have any legs... why risk a friendship for it.

If for some reason this is more than a fling I would consider sitting down and talking with your friend very nicely and logically. If she knows he is such a great guy and he likes you, why doesnt she give you let you be happy? Further- if she likes him- why doesnt she let HIM be happy since he likes you. Only have the talk with her if you think the relationship is going to last. Otherwise its not worth it.

 

God Bless, you have some tough choices.

[SandyD]

I don´t know if it´s a fling or not, or what could develop. All I know is that I was very taken by this guy as soon as we talked. I really like him. I´m all giddy today over him.

 

Yes, he´s leaving soon. He was here to try and get into a university programme along with another friend, and if he passes the entrance exams he will move here. We just had so much in common. It´s not like I just wanted to kiss the guy. If that were the case I simply would not have done it to save myself the trouble. The case is... I liked the guy. I want to get to know him. I´m usually not like this, it´s very rare for me to meet someone who makes me feel butterflies in my tummy.

 

My friend threw herself at him in a very intense manner. He did not respond to her advances. Is he spoiled goods now? Is the right thing to do really to stop seeing him? I will hate my friend if I do, and I´ll feel bad for her if I don´t.

[Milly2005]

If you want to go ahead with this, invite your friend out to coffee today and talk to her as gently and rationally as you can tryinging not to make accusatory statements.