Shyness is mistaken for something else

[VictorWard]

I'm a shy person, so I'm pretty quiet in a group of people. I've found that because I'm quiet, people think I'm mean or think that I'm better than the rest of them.

One specific example; when I was in high school, this girl in one of my classes out of the blue asked "why are you so mean all the time?". I had never said one word to her before, and she just said this out of the blue.

 

Have any of the other shy people out there had any similar experiences? Do people mistake your shyness for something else?

[corvidae]

Yeah I get that too. I'm quite shy, and I'm also quite dark and broody looking. People have often said to me that they think I hate them, or that I treat them like they're invisible. I think to myself "well it's not like you ever tried chatting to me is it!". I think I've come to resolve the issue by expecting that, due to my nature and my appearance, people will make these inaccurate assumptions. However, I am NOT like that, and I have friends who know and like me, so given half a chance I'll show people they are wrong. I know who I am, and I know I am a nice person. That is enough. If people want to make assumptions about me without spending any effort to get to know me, well that is rather judgemental, and is a fault with their personality not mine. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at what we do wrong, or what we could change, that we forget that the people we deal with have character faults and flaws too, and that perhaps we are doing our best but they are not.

[69_king]

One specific example; when I was in high school, this girl in one of my classes out of the blue asked "why are you so mean all the time?". I had never said one word to her before, and she just said this out of the blue.

 

Have any of the other shy people out there had any similar experiences? Do people mistake your shyness for something else?

 

Yup, I know what you mean. I'm not like that anymore though, so change is possible!

 

But I remember a long time ago, at least 10 years ago, this girl saying something nice to me and I can't remember what I said to her, nothing rude but I was really shy, and then she slapped my face. I think thats exactly what you are talking about. She probably liked me but I never showed any interest in her and so she thought I was mean.

 

Anyway, as I said, I've changed now, so it is possible.

[Inconceivable]

I get this all the time. When I'm not around my friends or people I'm comfortable with I'm very shy. Plus, I have a very sarcastice nature so when people even see me with my friends they think I'm just being mean. It's hard not to be bothered by this, and I got fed up with it one day. So I went to the corner of the class where there were a bunch of girls who seemed really nice and I introduced myself and asked if i could join in the conversation. Luckily they said yes, and from then on everyone knew that I was a nice person, just shy. just try and break out of your shell a little bit....Take a risk-Try and make a new friend. If you do, people will see that you're really a nice person.

[VictorWard]

People have often said to me that they think I hate them, or that I treat them like they're invisible. I think to myself "well it's not like you ever tried chatting to me is it!".

Exactly! Sure, I may not have talked to this girl, but she had never talked to me either. In fact, this was the first thing she ever said to me.

 

Yup, I know what you mean. I'm not like that anymore though, so change is possible!

I think I have changed since then. It's been a while since I've had this problem. I know I still get shy around new people I meet, but that very rarely happens so it's not really a problem.

 

It's nice to know that I'm not the only person this has happened to.

[Caldus]

Hmm ... well ... I've never gotten that before. In fact once in a while I would be called cute for being shy. I guess it all just depends on the body language you know? If you're quiet, have your arms crossed, and not smiling for example, then yes people are likely to misjudge you. One thing that really helps me is that I make sure I smile whenever I meet new people and whenever I am listening to them. If it's difficult for you to talk to a group of people, then at least just smile and act interested. As for the being slapped in the face deal, I'm not sure what that's all about. Sounds like the girl was having a bad day or something. What could you possibly have said to her that would make her slap you like that?

[69_king]

As for the being slapped in the face deal, I'm not sure what that's all about. Sounds like the girl was having a bad day or something. What could you possibly have said to her that would make her slap you like that?

 

I honestly can't remember exactly what it was but it wasn't that bad, i think she was just frustrated. Anyway, we were just kids.

[corvidae]

That's a prime example. You're worrying about what you said to make her slap you, well that's fair enough, but don't overlook the explanation that it wasn't anything you did and she's just...well...nuts.

[Kaia]

Glad to hear i'm not the only one! I'm really shy in a big group and never talk, but once i get to know the person then i can talk a lot when one on one or in a small group of people i know. So one day my friend came up to me and say that before she got to know me (i guess before i start talking nonstop ) she thought i was really mean!!

 

I try to smile more now, but when you're in a big group of people and you have nothing to say, what else can you do but just listen to their conversation? Sometimes if i'm in a big group, but with a few that are my friends already, they would ask me why i'm so quiet (since they know i can talk a lot). I'm just not comfortable talking with new people, especially if they're the very talkative kind too!

[Pyralis]

I'm the same way, Kaia. I'm very quiet and shy around people I don't know, but after I warm up to them and get to know them a little better I become more comfortable and I find myself able to participate in the conversation more. I'm always asked why I'm so quiet too. I find that if someone is not shy they simply do not understand how hard it is to talk to unfamiliar people.

[ShySoul]

You can add me too the list of people uncomfortable in groups and quiet around people I don't know. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, and even then I'm cautious and won't reveal too much about myself. I also get asked why I'm so quiet and the answer I always give is "that's just the way I am." Most people just don't understand what its like to be shy and how difficult talking to people can be. What makes it even harder is that I don't have many of the same interests as most people so it can be hard to add to the conversation.

[Queen_Midas]

I have been mistken for a snob, and an ice queen many times.. I work a lot with older ladies and they interpret it as sweetness and they love my shyness, but younger people, particularly guys, interpret it as me being a snobby ice-queen..which maybe I am! lol!

 

QM.

[asmodai]

Hey, there are plenty of shy people around. I can totally sympathise with everyone else who has posted on this thread. It seems that all too often people are quick to pass judgement, just because you dont go out of your way to be in their face enough they take that as being insulting.

 

For example: I recently completed some work placement as part of my university course, and the feedback I got was that yes, i knew all the stuff but there were a couple of times earlier on in my placement where I didn't show enough 'initative' in their opinions. I was totally dumbfounded at this comment, as it sounded quite harsh but I stood back and had a look at the whole situation. Because of who I am, I was happy to just go off and do my assigned tasks, and help out wherever I felt comfortable doing- my supervisor was always busy fixing things, doing paperwork, talking on the phone so I was very cautious of going up and asking him like 15 questions about something - I was much happier to figure it out for myself, which IMO if anything is displaying more initative....but i digress.

 

The point is that because I wasn't as proactive, this was misinterpreted as being lazy and not motivated, even though I gave 100%, NEVER stood around doing nothing, and went home at the end of each day completley exhausted. This was their interpretation which was influenced on what sort of person I am, not what sort of worker I am..

 

I wouldn't necessarily call myself shy as such, but i'm more just reserved and easy going. For some reason, i really need to 'get' someone before i feel comfortable around them, and usually meeting up with someone once or for a very short period is not enough time for this.

[Stinkweed]

Dude, I spent 2 years in utter loneliness with no real friends (except the old ones, but I never really saw them, cause they lived far away, so we only spoke via an instant messenger) whatsoever because of this... I was shy and quiet and ppl would think I was just a jerk or something... It was that first impression... ppl would talk to me, and since I was so shy, I would only be able to politely reply and I was quiet all the time, so they probably thought I was a jerk, b/c I can't help but be and look really serious when I'm nervous, because I'm shy... So, they gave up after that first impression... Thank God I moved, and things have been really different this time around. I did have friends this time (now the semester's over and have to start fresh...) and well, I'll keep in touch with them and hang out with them, and try to make new friends as well in my new classes. I guess I've changed a lot... I've changed a lot both physically and psychologically, and I've tried harder to make friends this time... Sorry for boring you with my story, lol. Happy holidays.