Is this a second chance?

[Rebecca81]

Hi everyone,

It's been a few months since my last post so here's a recap...

My ex and I broke up at the end of July. I lied to him (not about another guy) and he felt he couldn't trust me. Both of us were completely crushed, as we were incredibly in love. We saw each other twice and he decided it was too painful to see me and that even though he still loved me, he couldn't be with someone he didn't trust. Well, he IM'd me out of nowhere on my birthday last month. We chatted for 2 hours about old times and how much we still care for each other. He said he wanted to marry me and that he could never feel that way for anyone else ever again. He sent me an ecard for my birthday the next day and I IM'd him that night to thank him. During hte chat we agreed to meet up that weekend to hang out.

 

Well, we've seen each other two times since that conversation and things are great. We are taking time to get to know each other again and really enjoying each other's company. We talk on the phone during the week too. We are seeing where it goes.

 

I just can't help but be scared though. We've both admitted the comfort level, the passion and the commonalities are still in place, but I just don't want to get my heart broken again. I am also working on myself, through therapy to find out why I felt I had to lie to him. He says that he is so happy I am getting help for myself. I just talked to him tonight and he told me about the funweekend he has planned with his dad and cousins. It's just so nice to talk to him...

 

The problem is that I find myself wishing for more...already. I've never been one to take it slow and I am completely in love with him. Should I even be worrying about anything? Maybe it's nothing...Is there any other step I should take?

 

I'd appreciate any advice or comments so very much!

 

Becca

[ticklebug]

I seriously suggest you talk to your counselor about scheduling a few sessions that include him. The two of you need to talk about and resolve the lie/trust issue...it can't just get swept under the carpet because after you get past the giddy stage of trying to be together again, and it becomes a real relationship you actually have to work at once more...if he han't really gotten over what happened...it could get seriously ugly.

 

something you need to think about...whtever your deception was...there was something about him that made you uncomfortable enough to not be truthful....have you figured out what that is yet? If not, having him go to a few sessions with you...the two of you can get to the botom of what was ultimately, a huge communication problem.

 

If eh refuses to go, and feels it is all on you...then you know he hasn't forgiven you completely and you should think twice about trying again.

[Rebecca81]

Hi Ticklebug-

 

Thanks for the post. Actually, he is in therapy as well. I think that is a big part of the reason that he wants to talk to me again. During this time apart, we've both been able to focus on what is going on inside of ourselves. As for the idea of bringing him to therapy, I think that is great...when we are official again. But see, that's the problem. I don't know if we should rush the official label as yet. Things are going slow, and issues really aren't getting pushed under the rug. We talk about all of it. We laugh, cry, the whole thing...I am scared that if I bring up actually becoming offical again, I will scare him off. I tend to do that. I analyze things to the point where it blows up in my face. I think I should just enjoy the time I am spending with him.

 

Do you agree?

[ticklebug]

hun...

 

you need to get him into your therapist...or you into his...BEFORE you call it offical...

 

it would be irresponsible to pledge your heart once again to someone before both of you knew for sure that everything from the past is the past...and stays that way....