Why do they call...

[MrLonely]

Simply stated, why do they call.

 

The ex called me last night, out of the blue, to wish me good luck on my exams.

 

I havn't spoken to her in a week since she told me she wants "her cake and eat it too", that she loves me, is worried that she will loose me, interested in somone else, thats she is just plain confused. She has told me she doesn't know what she wants, and thats it.

 

So, why do they call out of the blue? She immediately went offline last time she told me her feelings, and now, she says she wants to take it easy.

 

Just seemed weird having her call...she could have msgme...

[Cecelius]

She called because she is confused, she said it herself. There is no truth or permanance in someone who is confused. It means she was bored, nothing more.

 

Get another girl, let the old one be confused.

[MrLonely]

Simply for me, i am still madly in love with her.

[RayKay]

I don't know why we overanalyze why they call. They call because they can, and so they do. They call to wish you luck on your exams. They call as maybe they still do care about you.

 

It does not matter, it is a phone call so leave it at that. You can choose to talk to her or not, but don't overanalyze it. If she really wanted you back, she would say..."I made a mistake I want you back and I want to work through these issues together"..not "Hey, what's up? Good luck on your exams".

[bamboo]

I agree with RayKay. The same thing happened to me before my exams. Just take it at face value - that she still cares so wanted to wish you luck. I was also quite bitter and cynical when the same happened to me and thought that my ex just wanted to ease his conscience because he felt guilty for breaking up with me before my finals. Anyway, best not to analyse. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but I think it was just a call to wish you luck.

[rnorth]

Also agree with RayKay and bamboo. Just be pleasant when she calls and continue to live your own life. If her calls persist or she seems to intensify her contact and you feel up to it, then you respond according to your own heart.

 

But in the meantime, continue to take care of yourself. This is your time to remember that you are the number one person in your life and be strong for yourself.

[MrLonely]

The thing is she did say that if i got my crap together, we would be perfect. She just a) doesnt want a relationship right now and b) i have to prove it to her. She is still asking if i am seing anyone, etc...."were you actually out with her..." that kind of thing...

 

With all she said, it feels so much more.

[RayKay]

Okay, well, I just read back over some of your posts and you have to realize it does not at this point matter what she said. You are living your life and putting your thoughts all in what she says, does not say, what she does or does not do.

 

You being patient with her last month should of been enough proof. And you should not have to change for her either so things can be perfect. She has told you she wants to be single, she is young and likely does feel she needs to be. You cannot wait for her...in fact waiting for her is something you will likely regret one day.

 

Maybe she will come back one day, maybe she won't. But, I don't think you holding on and analyzing everything is going to make her come back or have an epiphany. You should not have to prove it to her, how is that going to make her want a relationship all of a sudden? And why must you change so it is perfect? Life is not perfect, people are not perfect, we love them for who they are...not for what they "could" be.

 

I know I sound harsh, but look, I have been there, many of us have been there, and have heard the same words, or have even SAID the same words and done the same things. We (myself included) are just looking out for you since you are the one here asking for help and I know that we can't take away the pain, but we can try to help you start on the right path to healing.

[rnorth]

The thing is she did say that if i got my crap together, we would be perfect. She just a) doesnt want a relationship right now and b) i have to prove it to her.

 

Mildly a cop-out but just work on yourself for yourself. In the meantime, if you can handle it, keep the lines of communication open and light. If its too much, start NC.

[MrLonely]

Thanks.

 

Last time I did NC, she starting talking to me in a week. All over me.

 

She just seems to want her to keep her options open, at 20, not wanted to settle down too much. Yet stay friends since knows we will be back together.

 

I understand. When i was 20, i didn't want a committed relationship at all.

 

But, I still love her very much. Just cant sit around forever and wait.

[fantasia2004]

Simply stated, why do they call.

 

The ex called me last night, out of the blue, to wish me good luck on my exams.

 

I havn't spoken to her in a week since she told me she wants "her cake and eat it too", that she loves me, is worried that she will loose me, interested in somone else, thats she is just plain confused. She has told me she doesn't know what she wants, and thats it.

 

So, why do they call out of the blue? She immediately went offline last time she told me her feelings, and now, she says she wants to take it easy.

 

Just seemed weird having her call...she could have msgme...

 

You know why they call do you have to ask? YHou know why.

[MrLonely]

Ok, you got me confused now.

[fantasia2004]

We all know why our exes call us out of the blue. To check up on us, they miss us, just to mess with our heads and then some. etc.

[MrLonely]

I hoping for the "miss" as opposed to the "mess"

 

Seriously, she hasn't called in 6 weeks, why now? She normally justs messgs.

 

I'm guessing she wanted an excuse to call. (hoping as well).

[PrincessLinzay]

Over-analyzing isn't going to help anything. Only she knows what she's thinking. Im going to have to agree with RayKay on this one. Keep NC and don't try to figure out what she's thinking. You may never know.

[MrLonely]

Thanks.

 

We did hang out twice, she cried, talked, all that.

 

I just need to vent tonight - it's been a hard day.

[MrLonely]

Another update...

 

She called again tonight, to tell me she is gonna fail her exam

 

After a couple mins, she said "I dont really know why I called"...then we chatted some more and that was it.

 

y?

 

....just venting.....but if you want to say somthing...

[MrLonely]

She called again.

 

Should I really be answering? Why is she calling and using this "excuses" to justify her calling.

 

Is there more to this? Should I just ignore them?

 

Besides her calling, i am still sinking deeper - i think i am at the worst point yet.

[PrincessLinzay]

The question isn't really..."why is she calling?" It should be "why am I answering?".

 

Until she's ready to tell you what you want to hear (i.e. Let's get back together and be faithful), I wouldn't bother answering. You're obviously not ready to be friends yet, and she keeps stringing you along. Let her marinate awhile and wonder what you're doing.

 

Why does she call? Because she can, and she appears to be getting some sort of power trip out of it. Ignore her.

[MrLonely]

Ok, back to NC.

 

Last time I did that, I went about a week, and she made the first contact - telling me she missed me and all that. We hung twice and then she said was freaking out about it and ignored me for a week.

 

Then this past week she started calling and msg me again, with silly reasons - is she just looking for a reason to call? Seems like it...

 

So, i will go back to NC. I need it

[shockeddismayed]

Ok, back to NC.

 

Last time I did that, I went about a week, and she made the first contact - telling me she missed me and all that. We hung twice and then she said was freaking out about it and ignored me for a week.

 

Then this past week she started calling and msg me again, with silly reasons - is she just looking for a reason to call? Seems like it...

 

So, i will go back to NC. I need it

 

By the way,

 

Just to be clear, NC doesn't mean you do it so that she calls and you pick up the first call (as you did last time), it means you do it long enough so that you can heal. And secondarily, long enough so that she (hopefully) realizes the true impact of her actions and starts treating you with respect.

 

Don't pick up until she starts to freak out a bit and starts putting some comittment behind her calls... ie "I want to try again". Or until you feel you've healed enough not to get dragged back down (which may take a LONG time) into her drama. Or better yet, until both of those things are true.

 

Good luck... you have control of this situation if you choose, so take control and do what is right and healthy for you. She obviously isn't able to do that right now, so you need to be the stronger person.

 

S&D

[MrLonely]

Thanks S&D,

 

It was weird seeing her at her house, mad me really miss the wonderful life i used to have with her. And i did see her room with all my pics still up everywhere, like nothing has changed.

 

It's really funny; somtimes I think i am doing great, then next absolutly horrible.

 

It's great though to be able to come here and speak your mind, and have others, who have gone through much the same, to offer advice.

 

Thx again.