I want her back, but I need advice - help!

[saccb]

I need some general advice about my ex girlfriend, and also about myself. I'll start by giving a quick background of the situation. I am in 3rd year of uni, and during first year I lived with a girl in my halls who I immediately fell for, we properly clicked and everything came so naturally, she is from London, which is 200 miles away from where I call home, but we visited over summer etc. Everything was great until second year, we lived round the corner from each other, but due to her not getting along with her housemates she spent all the time with me. Throughout second year I was having a horrible time in my own life, my financial situation took a massive decline, a family member was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and due to both of these I couldn't enjoy the social side that university offers. I was seriously down for the majority of the year, and this seriously affected our relationship, as I was holding really tightly onto her and I guess you could say being a bit controlling. This reflected in the way we were around each other, and our sex life became almost non existent. It came to the end of the year and she suddenly wanted lots of space and sort of had a secret social life at uni that she refused for me to be a part of. It didn't sit right with me as I needed her around whilst I was dealing with the family illness. We ended up going on a break for a couple of weeks, before she realised she still wanted to be with me. A couple of months later we broke up, as she said I had treated her so poorly throughout the year and that I didn't make her happy.

 

I spent the summer months doing my own thing and dealing with myself before going back to uni feeling confident and excited for my final year. I went home for the weekend on the day that she was moving back to uni into the house that we now shared with 3 other mates, and she admitted to cheating on me, and thats why she couldn't be with me anymore cause she couldn't live with the guilt. We spoke about this when I returned and we made things good enough so we wouldn't make everyone else uncomfortable. At the end of freshers week we ended up in bed together, and it felt like it did when we first got together. We had been flirting all week and there had been a lot of tension, but it finally happened. It then happened again about a week later, and we spoke about how we felt about each other. We both admitted to still being in love with one another, and I said I still wanted to have another go at things and see if we can work through what happened, yet she said she didn't know, so we decided to just see what happens. We have been 'seeing' each other for a couple of months now, but haven't had sex since that second time, and she still doesn't know what she wants. I really don't know what to do as I want to be with this girl, but the lack of sex between us has made me lose a lot of confidence around her and I just forget how to act around her now, and the more I don't act like myself, the more she thinks I am going back to the person that I was last year which I know I'm not, I just get really nervous around her, and my lack of confidence makes me feel that I cant try anything on with her cause its just not gonna happen.

 

What do i do? How do I be myself around her again? What should I do about getting her to realise why we were good together?

[mhowe]

You can't, because you are not good together. And acting as a couple, minus the sex is just that...acting. she is still looking for the next guy. Proximity alone.does not make a relationship.