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Lost and Confused


lani12004

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I'm 25 years old and my boyfriend of 3 yrs is 24, we've known each other ever since we were kids. We've talked about marriage and well he just doesn't feel ready for it, he tells me that maybe in 3 years he will be. That bothers me because it makes me uncertain that he loves me , even though he says he does. I feel that when you truly love somebody you want to be with that person, and yes marriage is scary but it should feel right with the person that you love. It just makes me wonder that I'm probably not the right person for him, I love him very much, and I don't know what I should do. In a way I feel like cutting it off or go on a break but I feel that he might propose maybe but it wouldn't be right. So I'm just very confused in what should do..

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Do you feel you each are comfortable with who you are?

 

Does he talk about what " ready" means to him?

 

In many ways, marriage is a partnership as well as a boyfriend/ girlfriend commitment. many people grow to associate the responsibilities of bills, kids, with their spouse, resent that, withdraw, and kill the marriage. if be doesn't want to be responsible for his impact on others, then he is not ready.

 

Your ideas about what life looks like might be different. these need to be calibrated to one another.

 

in any event, do not hold yourself back from following your instincts and your own path.

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As someone who married too young (19) I would also urge you to wait until you're older and have more relationship and life experience. However that's my own personal philosophy and I acknowledge it isn't everyone else's. Whether you want to wait for your BF or not is another story entirely, but if you really have your heart set on marriage and a family then you may want to look at finding someone who's at the point you are now. I agree that "maybe in three years" is a very vague, sidestepping the whole issue kind of comment. Many couples do choose to wait, but there's usually a goal attached when they're serious about the commitment--i.e. when we both graduate college OR when I buy that dream house.

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