The end is nigh

[loserguy001]

Hello all. Not really sure why I'm posting this as it probably won't be answered considering my previous history with this forum, but for some reason I find it at least marginally fulfilling to write this.

 

I'm a 30 year old loser with a strong desire for escape through suicide to end my problems with severe depression, loneliness, and general worthlessness. I hate myself so much at this point that I can think of little else beyond a final solution to end the pain and intense anxiety associated with my issues. I have been through the psychology/psychiatry bit with no success beyond still more guilt associated with thousands of dollars wasted with no return on my investment. Now I'm stuck without insurance or disposable income, making professional help an impossibility. I lack the energy to go through a million red tape hurdles for assistance, nor do I qualify for assistance due to the fact I have an income.

 

I'm very likely going to lose my job in the next 30 days once new corporate policies bring to light my issues with self medication which will very surely be the last straw for me. This job is now my second this year alone. My energy is gone, my motivation is non existent, and quite frankly I have no hope for my situation anymore. At my age, I've missed the boat here to develop normal social skills and make new friends. I'm unable to even muster the energy for the most mundane social contact given my issues. My friends have understandably drifted away and now I'm left with absolutely no social network to speak of. My family is either estranged or dead...I'm pretty much entirely alone. I haven't spoken to another person outside my workplace in over 4 months, and at this point it feels normal to be totally isolated from society.

 

With so little to live for and so little chance of recovery, I'm at the point now where I cannot rationalize continuing this pathetic life. I hope that I can end this ridiculous situation in such a way to allow for my organs to be donated to someone worthy of having a life...at least then my life might mean something. I just can't fathom how my continued existence in any way supercedes a sick person with a loving family and friends.

 

I await the inevitable shoe to drop here whilst I prepare my affairs for a voluntary conclusion. I wish I could say someone would miss me if I was gone, but that would be a lie. If I wasn't reporting the act to expedite organ transplant I would only be discovered after the smell became too great to ignore. I don't intend on telling anyone anyway. No one will ever know what happened that way, not that they would care if they did.

 

Thanks for reading and sorry for being a bummer. I don't like being like this with strangers, but as I mentioned before, it's fulfilling to write this since I have no one to talk to.

[randy33]

sorry to hear you have such low self worth man..

 

You can steer it in a different direction..it mighgt be like slowing down a freight tain ( you obviously have some momentum in the " im a loser direction ") but you can turn it towards a positive self image and stop being so damn hard on yourself.

 

try lowering your expecattions of what it is all supposed to look like. Its never too late to start fresh..life gives you unlimited chances to make positive change.

[SooSad33]

Randy is right ^^

I believe you have much to 'recover'.

We have (most of us) have 'lost' jobs. Have lost family, have lost a true love. Life is FULL of these nasty surprises and NO ONE likes them...

 

We have to learn to accept then deal with it all.. one way or another, but NOT this way.

You have many talents and a lot going for you. You're just as special as any one of us.

You're just due for some changes. Change of lifestyle? Change of scenery? Is it time to move?

Expand you mind of ideas.

 

It is not your time to go. You're here now, explaining this to us for a reason. You're NOT alone, okay.

Sleep on things for tonight and think one step at a time how things can or will be changed in your life

and I bet you'll realize, once you can accept it, that you'll see some aren't so bad.

 

Take it easy, get some rest and think about it all.. again,

 

take care..

[mmnyc5052]

I am sorry you are feeling so low and hopeless. BUT suicide is NEVER the answer. SooSad was right - you came here for a reason. Not just to vent. Don't cheat yourself out of a potentially very fulfilling life simply because you feel depressed over some situations (all which are changeable).

 

Start looking for other jobs. See a free counselor (google it for your area). Join a book club, go to a cooking class, take a day trip by yourself and admire nature around you. Trust me - you may not think it, but there are people who would be devastated by your leaving. You are stronger than this. You can be in the deepest rut and still find a way out of it other than leaving this earth. Get back to your human roots, and appreciate sights and smells and feelings. Join a dating site, just for fun, put yourself out there. TALK to people.

 

Please, please don't think so negatively of yourself. You were put on this planet for a reason, for a good fulfilling life full of experiences, travel, people, learning, listening, exploring --- please don't waste that. YOU have the power to change this all. I'm sorry to say, but suicide is the easy way out and it leaves NO ONE happy. I am not sure if your parents are living, but how would they feel if they knew you threw away such an incredible gift that they and God gave you - the gift of life? There is so much beauty amidst the rubble on this earth and you just have blinders on right now. Go exercise, meditate, read a fulfilling book, re-learn what this life is all about.

 

Please don't follow thru with this. No one wants to see you gone. You are here for a reason and people do love you, despite what you believe. DO NOT give up. There is a lot to live for!!!!

[CeeLambrini]

I always believe, whether you are conscious of this or not, that people who write here as a final goodbye to the world are sending out one last lifeline, one last "help" signal somehow for someone to come and say don't do it.

And I think as long as people are still replying to your post, as long as they are still telling you not to die then you have reason to get back up. Because why would a complete stranger take the time to tell you that they want you to stay on this planet? If you are so worthless, and mean nothing to the world then why are people here telling you otherwise?

That's if you are reading this, if you are looking for a sign then this and these ^^^ are it. You could come back here in a year and be incredibly relieved that you didn't follow through with this.

You have found dead ends with every path you have taken so far, that does not mean there is no way out - it just means there are paths you haven't discovered yet.

You haven't lost your job yet. That means it isn't the end. Your friends have only drifted, they have not disappeared. Call one of them, and ask them how they are.

You will be amazed at the difference the little things can do. If you have a problem, you solve it. That is what humans do. On here, if you have a problem and you don't know how to solve it - you ask others what their take is. It might not give you the answer but it may open new doors for you to find the answer yourself.

 

Your life isn't meaningless right now, if you end it - then it is you who has then made everything you have fought for meaningless.